My PS- Please Critique and comment! Honest advices please.

[Abujam]

With a rather unique background, I am applying for the PA program. I have a medical degree from India. Growing up in a middle-class, educated family, I was always expected to perform better. Since childhood, everyone looked to me to be "a miracle healer" like the legendary Dr. Subbarow, who would later become my idol and role model. Working in the US, Dr. Yellapragada Subbarow was responsible for the discovery of the first tetracycline, first cancer drug-methotrexate, synthetic folic acid, and role of ATP. My interest for PA stems from such childhood ideas, college research, and work experiences.

 

Like many families in rural India, my grandparents lived in a makeshift home made of mud bricks. The nearest healthcare facility was an hour away. My grandmother was afflicted with crippling poliomyelitis, and pulmonary tuberculosis with bronchiectasis and right heart failure. While I was in high school, she lost sight in left eye due to an infection, and an ophthalmologists' team performed a surgery that was described as eye layer removal and grafting. It was not until later we realized that her vision was never going to come back. To my amazement, even while suffering all this, she served as a community leader for her village. Thinking of this episode, I always wondered if anything could have been done differently. Years later, we came to know that initially she was posted for keratectomy but later the ophthalmologists performed evisceration. Till her death all she cared about was her community and made sure no one else suffered from similar situations. She used to say to me, "I do not want you to become a busy doctor, but to be a caring one, a healer."

 

Responsibility of my grandparents distracted me from my studies. Nevertheless, I did well in medical school, as I am one of the few students to graduate on time. During those years, I researched for alternate and simpler healthcare options. While researching, I came to know more about Dr. Subbarow. What intrigued me most was that he was a licensed practitioner even though he was not a physician. Around the same time, I became aware of the profession of PA, and of the mal-distribution of physicians in the US. I realized communities were in need of more common practitioners. I used to argue with friends how important it is to have a profession like PA in the medical fraternity.

 

While I was an intern, my father was hospitalized with hydronephrosis and multiple renal calculi. He was under the care of kidney specialists. Watching them, I developed an interest for nephrology. After graduation, I worked in a kidney hospital, and gained experience in diagnosing kidney pathologies and using dialysis techniques. Later, when my parents needed me, I had to move to my hometown. There, I joined a surgical center and explored my surgical skills. The consultant was impressed with my ability to handle many complex cases. Upon his recommendation, I started working as a practitioner and medical officer at an industrial workers' clinic.

 

Then one day, I received a call from one of my professors about a medical foundation that trains doctor's assistants, and that I should join them as an instructor. I could not resist the temptation of that call. Soon, I found myself in a different city working as a medical educator. I enjoyed this job the most. Although the responsibility of the doctor's assistants is not the same as PAs in the US, it was an attempt to bridge the gap between physicians and patients. During the same time, I worked as a clinical writer for various US projects, drafting drug and disease monographs and patient handouts, and creating database and clinical decision support tools. It was during 2005-06, I was assisting physicians in US as a clinical writer, and helping my community by training doctor's assistants.

 

Later in 2007, I got married and decided to move with my wife to the US. Upon arrival to the US, my main concern was to support the family, and I started working as a health screener, assisting insurance companies with health fairs, screenings, seminars and health education. After the birth of my son, I decided to go back to school. Although I have the option of becoming a resident physician upon clearing the board exams, I wanted to do the course I always desired, and become a PA. While I was deciding over these career choices, I shadowed a physician and learned more about PAs. Throughout my career, I assisted specialists in various settings, helped treat patients, and acted as a liaison between patients and physicians. With formal training as a PA, I can bring this experience to excel in this profession. Compared to a physician, PA is more flexible with specialties; act as a frontline care provider, and at the same time PA offers the intellectual stimulation and challenge of diagnosis, as well as work-life balance. For these reasons I found the profession of PA to be most fulfilling and gratifying, and an avenue that I would love to explore.

[StudentPA]

I have only several small critiques to make. All changes and explanations for why I suggest you make the following changes are in bold. Please feel free to get in touch with me if you need anything else. Best of luck. I fully support your efforts to expand the PA profession here in the US of A. Your personal statement was one of the more unique ones that I have read. Over all, definitely worth the read.

 

My background is rather unique.[it will be quite obvious that you are applying to PA school if this is your personal statement. Obvious things are obvious.] I have a medical degree from India. Growing up in a middle-class, educated family, I was always expected to perform better. Since childhood, everyone looked to me to be "a miracle healer" like the legendary Dr. Subbarow, who would later become my idol and role model. Working in the US, Dr. Yellapragada Subbarow was responsible for the discovery of the first tetracycline, first cancer drug-methotrexate, synthetic folic acid, and role of ATP. My interest for PA stems from such childhood ideas, college research, and work experiences.

 

Like many families in rural India, my grandparents lived in a makeshift home made of mud bricks. The nearest healthcare facility was an hour away. My grandmother was afflicted with crippling poliomyelitis, and pulmonary tuberculosis with bronchiectasis and right heart failure. While I was[delete unnecessary I was the sentence will flow without it and capitalize the I in “in”.] in high school, my grandmother [is a bit clearer and at the very least more personal than the word she. You want the people reading this to feel a personal connection with your grandmother.] lost sight in left eye due to an infection, and an ophthalmologists' team performed a surgery that was described as eye layer removal and grafting. At the time we did not know that her vision was never going to come back. To my amazement, even while suffering all this, she served as a community leader for her village. Thinking of this episode, I always wondered if anything could have been done differently. Years later, we came to know that initially she was posted for keratectomy but later the ophthalmologists performed evisceration. Until her death all she cared about was her community and she made sure no one else suffered from similar situations. She used to say to me, "I do not want you to become a busy doctor, but to be a caring one, a healer."

 

The responsibility of caring for my grandparents distracted me from my studies. Nevertheless, I did well in medical school, as I am one of the few students to graduate on time [While stating that you were one of the few to graduate on time may be important to you this will be self-evident by your transcripts and may be redundant as well as representing the other students in a negative light. The profession is about promoting and celebrating diversity, not defacing people, please take this into consideration]. During those years, I researched for alternate and simpler healthcare options. While researching [Delete while researching, as you already stated that you researched alternatives restating this fact leads to redundancy.], I came to know more about Dr. Subbarow. What intrigued me most was that he was a licensed practitioner even though he was not a physician. Around the same time, I became aware of the profession of PA, and of the mal-distribution of physicians in the US. I realized communities were in need of more common practitioners. I used to argue with friends how important it is to have a profession like PA in the medical fraternity.

 

As an intern, my father was hospitalized with hydronephrosis and multiple renal calculi. He was under the care of kidney specialists. Watching them, I developed an interest for nephrology. After graduation, I worked in a kidney hospital, and gained experience in diagnosing kidney pathologies and using dialysis techniques. Later,[delete the later you seem to have a habit of using this word repeatedly and the sentence will read fine without it.] When my parents needed me, I moved to my hometown. There, I joined a surgical center and explored my surgical skills. The consultant was impressed with my ability to handle many complex cases. Upon his recommendation, I started working as a practitioner and medical officer at an industrial workers' clinic.

 

Then one day, I received a call from one of my professors about a medical foundation that trains doctor's assistants, and that I should join them as an instructor. I could not resist the temptation of that call. Soon, I found myself in a different city working as a medical educator. I enjoyed this job the most. Although the responsibility of the doctor's assistants is not the same as PAs in the US [Good job making the distinction between the two.], it was an attempt to bridge the gap between physicians and patients. During this time, I worked as a clinical writer for various US projects, drafting drug and disease monographs and patient handouts, and creating database and clinical decision support tools. It was during 2005-06, I was assisting physicians in US as a clinical writer, and helping my community by training doctor's assistants.

 

Later,[Delete later for reason mentioned above. Begin with “In 2007,” and the sentence will be more solid] In 2007, I got married and decided to move with my wife to the US. Upon arrival to the US,[You may consider deleting upon arrival to the US, but I feel that this transition is effective.] my main concern was to support the family, and I started working as a health screener, assisting insurance companies with health fairs, screenings, seminars and health education. After the birth of my son, I decided to go back to school. Although I have the option of becoming a resident physician upon clearing the board exams, I wanted to do the course I always desired, and become a PA. While I was deciding over these career choices, I shadowed a physician and learned more about PAs. Throughout my career, I assisted specialists in various settings, helped treat patients, and acted as a liaison between patients and physicians. With formal training as a PA, I can bring this experience to excel in this profession. Compared to a physician, PA is more flexible with specialties; act as a frontline care provider, and at the same time PA offers the intellectual stimulation and challenge of diagnosis, as well as work-life balance. For these reasons I found the profession of PA to be most fulfilling and gratifying, and an avenue that I would love to explore.

[Abujam]

Thank you so much StudentPA for taking time to critique my letter. I am very grateful for your points.

[StudentPA]

You are very welcome. Thank you for reviewing my piece.