Please review my personal statement..would really really appreciate it

[kushlu]

This is my first draft for my personal statement. I had a hard time writing about something extraordinary like many of the posts in this forum. I'm hoping I am on the right track. All criticism good or bad is welcomed. Thank You in advance

 

It was a typical evening in March and I had just finished playing a couple hours of basketball when I received a phone call from my mother. She told me that she had taken my grandmother to the emergency room and that I should rush to the hospital. Immediately, what was a peaceful ride home became filled with anxiety and worry. I stayed with my grandmother that whole night in the emergency room. Eventually the doctors diagnosed her with severe diarrhea and nursed her back to good health. It was at this time I met her physician assistant, Mr. Bernard Stuetz. For several hours I talked to Bernard about the “ins' and outs'” of his job, knowing in the back of my head I was aspiring to become a PA myself. At the end of the night Bernard offered me the opportunity to shadow him for the next several months. This was an offer I could not refuse.

 

Over the next several months, my desire to become a PA only strengthened shadowing Bernard in the emergency room of Aria Health Hospital. As I observed Bernard, I was impressed at the level of responsibility he had under the supervision of the physicians, he was more then a bridge between the patient and physician. He conducted patient history and implemented a plan of diagnosis and treatment, which was always approved by the physician. It was not long before I was reading patient EKG’s, blood reports and x-rays along side him. He would assign research into the various medical concepts we encountered during the night. Whether it was a specific disease of a patient, or the effect of a certain medication, there was always something new and I never stopped learning. I enjoyed the work, the learning and the overall experience. Shadowing Bernard brought a great deal of satisfaction and only reassured my aspiration of becoming a PA.

 

I am seeking to become a Physician Assistant to serve a broad array of healthcare needs of people in my community. Majoring in biology at Temple University, my intent was always to use my undergraduate degree to enter the medical profession. Becoming a Physician Assistant will allow me to interact with patients, practice medicine, and ultimately make a difference in the community I reside in.

 

 

To experience a more hands on approach with patient care I worked with Mrs. ****al Gandhi, a PA in occupational medicine at Mercy Hospital. My main role was to assist in transport of patients; changing patient dressings everyday and delivering specimens to the lab. Eventually I was able to observe in clinic procedures such as suturing, splinting, incision and drainage, and vaccinations. As a result of these experiences, I learned effective communication with the patients while still accomplishing the task at hand. Developing skills such as these will only help in becoming a better Physician Assistant.

 

As I stated earlier, I want to make a difference in the community I reside in, as well as the underprivileged people of this world. Visiting India for the first time this past year was an eye opening experience. I saw first-hand poverty, disease, malnutrition and an overall lack of medical care for thousands of people. Traveling through most of north and west India, the towns were filled with people walking the streets, needing help. This experience was inspirational. I want to help extend the global health concern into my native country. Through hard work I know I can set a health clinic in my hometown to help these people. Setting a non-profit organization with some of my colleagues, I believe I can make this idea into reality.

 

In order to make my dreams a reality I am re-applying to PA school. Last year, after not receiving the outcome I had strived for, I called each school and asked for direct criticism about my application. This was a humbling experience to say the least. Determined to tackle any obstacle in my way I took the advice of the academic advisors and strengthened my application in various ways. To increase my science GPA, I took specific post-graduate courses over the past year. Along with these classes I have been shadowing Bernard Stuetz, while still working full time as a Biotechnician at Merck and Co. Inc. If given an opportunity to become a Physician Assistant I plan to serve the community I reside in. I understand the limitations of healthcare all over the world and it would be a privilege to do my part to increase global healthcare access as a Physician Assistant. With this genuine desire, I am ready to tackle all obstacles to achieve this goal. I know that this program is a challenge, but I believe with my drive, aspiration, passion and determination, I have what it takes to be a successful Physician Assistant.

[kushlu]

This is my first draft for my personal statement. I had a hard time writing about something extraordinary like many of the posts in this forum. I'm hoping I am on the right track. All criticism good or bad is welcomed. Thank You in advance

 

It was a typical evening in March and I had just finished playing a couple hours of basketball when I received a phone call from my mother. She told me that she had taken my grandmother to the emergency room and that I should rush to the hospital. Immediately, what was a peaceful ride home became filled with anxiety and worry. I stayed with my grandmother that whole night in the emergency room. Eventually the doctors diagnosed her with severe diarrhea and nursed her back to good health. It was at this time I met her physician assistant, Mr. Bernard Stuetz. For several hours I talked to Bernard about the “ins' and outs'” of his job, knowing in the back of my head I was aspiring to become a PA myself. At the end of the night Bernard offered me the opportunity to shadow him for the next several months. This was an offer I could not refuse.

 

Over the next several months, my desire to become a PA only strengthened shadowing Bernard in the emergency room of Aria Health Hospital. As I observed Bernard, I was impressed at the level of responsibility he had under the supervision of the physicians, he was more then a bridge between the patient and physician. He conducted patient history and implemented a plan of diagnosis and treatment, which was always approved by the physician. It was not long before I was reading patient EKG’s, blood reports and x-rays along side him. He would assign research into the various medical concepts we encountered during the night. Whether it was a specific disease of a patient, or the effect of a certain medication, there was always something new and I never stopped learning. I enjoyed the work, the learning and the overall experience. Shadowing Bernard brought a great deal of satisfaction and only reassured my aspiration of becoming a PA.

 

I am seeking to become a Physician Assistant to serve a broad array of healthcare needs of people in my community. Majoring in biology at Temple University, my intent was always to use my undergraduate degree to enter the medical profession. Becoming a Physician Assistant will allow me to interact with patients, practice medicine, and ultimately make a difference in the community I reside in.

 

 

To experience a more hands on approach with patient care I worked with Mrs. ****al Gandhi, a PA in occupational medicine at Mercy Hospital. My main role was to assist in transport of patients; changing patient dressings everyday and delivering specimens to the lab. Eventually I was able to observe in clinic procedures such as suturing, splinting, incision and drainage, and vaccinations. As a result of these experiences, I learned effective communication with the patients while still accomplishing the task at hand. Developing skills such as these will only help in becoming a better Physician Assistant.

 

As I stated earlier, I want to make a difference in the community I reside in, as well as the underprivileged people of this world. Visiting India for the first time this past year was an eye opening experience. I saw first-hand poverty, disease, malnutrition and an overall lack of medical care for thousands of people. Traveling through most of north and west India, the towns were filled with people walking the streets, needing help. This experience was inspirational. I want to help extend the global health concern into my native country. Through hard work I know I can set a health clinic in my hometown to help these people. Setting a non-profit organization with some of my colleagues, I believe I can make this idea into reality.

 

In order to make my dreams a reality I am re-applying to PA school. Last year, after not receiving the outcome I had strived for, I called each school and asked for direct criticism about my application. This was a humbling experience to say the least. Determined to tackle any obstacle in my way I took the advice of the academic advisors and strengthened my application in various ways. To increase my science GPA, I took specific post-graduate courses over the past year. Along with these classes I have been shadowing Bernard Stuetz, while still working full time as a Biotechnician at Merck and Co. Inc. If given an opportunity to become a Physician Assistant I plan to serve the community I reside in. I understand the limitations of healthcare all over the world and it would be a privilege to do my part to increase global healthcare access as a Physician Assistant. With this genuine desire, I am ready to tackle all obstacles to achieve this goal. I know that this program is a challenge, but I believe with my drive, aspiration, passion and determination, I have what it takes to be a successful Physician Assistant.

[StudentPA]

It was a typical evening in March and I had just finished playing a couple hours of basketball [Delete. None of this is necessary. What does this add to the piece?] when I received a phone call from my mother. She told me my grandmother went to the emergency room and that I should rush to the hospital. Immediately, what was a peaceful ride home became filled with anxiety and worry. I stayed there the whole night in the emergency room. Eventually the doctors diagnosed her with severe diarrhea and nursed her back to good health. There I met her Physician Assistant, Mr. Bernard Stuetz. For several hours I talked to Bernard about the “ins' and outs'” [Replace with duties. "ins' and outs'" is a colloquialism.] of his job, because I was aspiring to become a PA myself. At the end of the night Bernard offered me the opportunity to shadow him for the next several months, which I accepted.

[StudentPA]

Over the next few months, my desire to become a PA increased by shadowing Bernard in the emergency room of Aria Health Hospital. Watching Bernard, I was impressed with the level of responsibility he had under the supervision of the physicians. He was more then a bridge between the patient and physician. He conducted patient history and implemented a plan of diagnosis and treatment, which was always approved by the physician. It was not long before I was reading patient EKG’s, blood reports and x-rays along side him. He would assign research into the various medical concepts we encountered during the night. Whether it was a specific disease of a patient, or the effect of a certain medication, there was always something new to learn. I enjoyed the work, the learning and the overall experience. Shadowing Bernard brought a great deal of satisfaction and only reassured my aspiration of becoming a PA.

[StudentPA]

I desire to become a Physician Assistant to serve a broad array of healthcare needs of people in my community. Majoring in biology at Temple University, my intent is to use my undergraduate degree to enter the medical profession. Becoming a Physician Assistant will allow me to interact with patients, practice medicine, and ultimately make a difference in the community I reside in.

[StudentPA]

Experiencing a hands on approach with patient care while with Mrs. ****al Gandhi, a PA in occupational medicine at Mercy Hospital. My main role was to assist in transport of patients; changing patient dressings everyday and delivering specimens to the lab. I was able to observe clinical procedures such as suturing, splinting, incision and drainage, and vaccinations. From these experiences, I learned effective communication with patients while working on the task at hand. Developing these skills will help me becoming a better Physician Assistant.

[StudentPA]

I want to make a difference in the community I reside in serving underprivileged people of this world. Visiting India for the first time this past year was an eye opening experience. I saw first-hand the poverty, disease, malnutrition and overall lack of medical care for thousands of people. Traveling through most of north and west India, the towns were filled with people walking the streets, needing help. This experience was inspirational. I want to help extend the global health concern into my native country. I will start a health clinic in my hometown to help these people. Setting a non-profit organization with some of my colleagues, I believe I can make this idea into reality.

[StudentPA]

To make my dreams a reality I am re-applying to PA school. After not receiving the outcome I had strived for, I called each school and asked for direct criticism about my application. This was a humbling experience to say the least. Determined to tackle any obstacle in my way I took the advice of the academic advisors and strengthened my application in various ways. To increase my science GPA, I took specific post-graduate courses over the past year. Along with these classes I have been shadowing Bernard Stuetz, while working full time as a Biotechnician at Merck and Co. Inc. If given an opportunity to become a Physician Assistant I plan to serve the community I reside in. I understand the limitations of healthcare all over the world and it would be a privilege to do my part to increase global healthcare access as a Physician Assistant. With this genuine desire, I am ready to tackle all obstacles to achieve this goal. I know that this program is a challenge, but I believe with my drive, aspiration, passion and determination, I have what it takes to be a successful Physician Assistant.