Seeking personal statement critique for Stanford PCAP application

[acvdmlac]

Hello,

 

I will greatly welcome any critique/feedback for my personal statement, which must not exceed 1 page for Stanford's PCAP which is the first program I'm applying to. I thank you in advance for any suggestions! :smile:

I am seeking to become a Physician Assistant to better serve a broader array of health-care needs of people in my community. As a Licensed Acupuncturist, my ability to care is limited by my current knowledge base and scope of practice. I wish to expand my training to be able to provide a wider array of modalities in community or public health as a Physician Assistant.

 

During three childhood years in Uganda and Ethiopia, I saw first-hand poverty, disease, and malnutrition, but also the vibrancy and diversity of human culture. These experiences inspired a life-long orientation to service to disadvantaged communities, and to the health-care professions.

 

For 10 years after college, I served as a volunteer and professional community organizer in San Francisco’s Tenderloin neighborhood, and for the Haight Ashbury Free Medical Clinics’ “Neighborhood Multi-Cultural Partnership” program. I worked with homeless people and social and public health workers to advocate for policy change. During this time, injuries left me with chronic neck, back and leg pain. My work provided little income and no health benefits, and I sought out public health and low-cost acupuncture clinics. Being a low-income patient was stressful, deepened my appreciation for the plight of those with no access to care and for public health workers, and inspired me to develop clinical skills to serve the health needs of individuals.

 

In 1998 I began a four-year, full-time Masters in Traditional Chinese Medicine (MTCM) program, eager extend to others my experience of healing from this medical modality. The MTCM also included Western Medicine courses, taught by a team of excellent physician instructors. During school, I worked part-time as a physical therapy aide and gained experience in physical rehabilitation. These classes and my work experience whet my appetite for more medical training and oriented my acupuncture practice towards integrative, patient-centered care.

 

Acupuncture Licensure has required me to perform a wide variety of tasks independently without supervision. I have enjoyed getting to know individual patients’ stories; caring for and re-assuring those in acute pain and distress; supporting patients’ self-direction while taking responsibility for clinical decisions; and teaching self-care and motivating behavioral changes. I have also served in the offices of physiatry and pain physicians, and as a specialist acupuncture provider for the Palo Alto Medical Foundation—Santa Cruz HMO. In these roles, I have greatly enjoyed collaborating with physicians and physician assistants. But despite my enjoyment of practicing acupuncture, I would like to more directly and regularly participate in health-care teams. I would like to improve my history and exam skills; to be able to order, perform and interpret diagnostic tests; and to provide a much broader array of medical modalities myself. I am eager for the challenge of developing these new skills and learning a new profession.

 

My specific long-term goals are: 1) to practice medicine, autonomously and collaboratively in physician-lead teams, with particular interests in preventative care and physical rehabilitation to address the growing socio-medical challenges of obesity, sedentarianism and chronic pain; 2) to continue serving diverse, at-risk and disadvantaged people in my home community; 3) to teach and serve as a clinical preceptor for future generations, if I prove qualified; 4) to return to East Africa to provide relief work and training. I am enthusiastic about the prospect of Physician Assistant training to greatly enhance my ability to care for diverse communities of need.

[FuturePA1973]

I think your personal statement looks great! I am also applying to Stanford's program, should have everyting submitted within the next 2 weeks. Post if you hear back from admissions! Best wishes.....

[IdahoPA]

I like that you clearly explain your motivation to becoming a PA in the first paragraph and conclude with a reminder. My only issue is that I find that the transition between the first and second paragraphs a little bit jarring. Perhaps you could say something like, "I have long been interested in medicine/treating others/what have you" then continue with your paragraphs as support to that. The rest is well-written and informative without being "show-offy." You sound like you have a generous heart and I hope everything goes well for you.

[Just Steve]

You appear to truly be ready for this next step. With such a rich background and an obvious desire to help in areas of obvious need, I think they would be foolish to pass you by. The only thing that gave me pause when I was reading was "to practice medicine, autonomously and collaboratively in physician-lead teams".

 

I am not a well heeled grammarian so I may be off base a bit but it seems there is a slight contradiction in that statement. I realize that two independent practitioners can work on the same patient, same project, same everything, and that in doing so, they are working collaboratively. However, as a physician assistant, the nature of the beast is that we will not be in independent practice. I completely respect the fact that you will know far more about non chemical based medicine and will be a wealth of knowledge for those patients who respond best to non Western style medicine, but at the same time it may be prudent to hold back the statement of wanting to be independent. I have no doubt you will find the right SP and they will let you run your own show, but for the sake of admissions, perhaps holding back on the desire to be autonomous for now.

 

I am sure you will do great in your pursuits. I look forward to reading of your future adventures.

[acvdmlac]

Hi, Steve,

 

Thank you for such positive feedback! It's very encouraging. I appreciate your taking the time to respond, and will consider how to re-word the problematic section you've identified.

 

Best of luck in your studies--which school are you at, and how do you like it?

[acvdmlac]

Hi, Steve,

 

Thank you for such positive feedback! It's very encouraging. I appreciate your taking the time to respond, and will consider how to re-word the problematic section you've identified.

 

Best of luck in your studies--which school are you at, and how do you like it?

[Just Steve]

I am at U of W/Medex, having a blast. We're only starting our third week but smooth sailing so far.

[Just Steve]

I am at U of W/Medex, having a blast. We're only starting our third week but smooth sailing so far.