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Please revise my friend's PS

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I recently have been accepted to PA school and now my co-worker/friend is trying to get accepted somewhere. She has come to me for help with revising her statement but I am not the best writer when it comes to essays so I am seeking you guys for help. Please review her statement and be completely honest. I think it has potential but it needs some work. Here goes......



Gunshot wound to the face, self inflicted, eye socket gone, plastic surgeon reconstructed the jaw line using the fibia bone from the leg,” this is one of the many images that comes to mind from my trauma PA shadowing experience. This experience along with recalling my childhood days and even now, as an adult, when I call my mother at work and hear “Microbiology, this is Shobha speaking” has been instrumental in my interest in the healthcare profession and my desire to be a PA. I always wondered what that strange word “microbiology” meant, and when I was very young this is what sparked my initial interest in wanting to know more about the healthcare profession. As I grew older, I took advantage of many volunteer and professional opportunities that now contribute to my dedicated history of healthcare experience.

My experience working as a Phlebotomist has motivated me, more than anything, towards wanting to be a PA. I am a people’s person and find it rewarding to be challenged, such as when I encounter hard stick patients. I love the close level of interaction that phlebotomy allows me to have at the patient’s bedside that I was previously missing when working in the hematology and urinalysis departments of the laboratory. Phlebotomy has allowed me to interact with all kinds of patients from mothers and their newborn babies to those in psychiatry. By being a PA I know that I will continue to have this opportunity available to me.

One specific instance occurred while observing a bone marrow spinal tap in the pediatric sedation unit, I met a PA who inspired me because she was so kind and caring toward the young boy and efficient in completing her task: she took the time to focus on the patient and the task at hand, while the MD seemed rushed as she had somewhere else to be. The MD even went as far as admitting that the PA was more competent in performing the procedure then she was. This left a lasting impression on me as I found the PA to be an all around healthcare professional.

Having an opportunity to shadow a trauma PA was another eye opening experience. Not only were the cases extreme, but the PA was incredible. Tammi was constantly on her toes. She did an amazing job multi-tasking. She wrote prescriptions, ordered tests, made her rounds alone and then later with the doctor and was never afraid to ask the MD for assistance. She was knowledgeable, courageous and in love with her work. Her dedication to her job was exceptional and her enthusiasm was contagious and is what got me even more excited about becoming a PA.

Additionally, numerous friends and colleagues have mentioned how when they visit their doctors office they come out feeling more relaxed and confident about the care they received as they feel that their concerns were clearly addressed by the PA. The reason being the PA seemed genuinely interested and had the time to hear out their healthcare concerns without rushing them. When I see and hear instances like these I am touched by the impact a PA can have on patients and this drives me towards wanting to become one myself.

My short term goals are to complete my graduate degree in health administration before entering PA school. My long term goals are to open a private practice and work simultaneously as a PA and a manager. In the future as a PA, when I call my mother at work, I know I will be knowledgeable about that strange word “microbiology” and will be proud that this is what began my initial interest in healthcare that led me to becoming a physician’s assistant.

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I'm uncomfortable with editing this anonymously for your "friend" as editing should always be a collaborative effort on the part of the writer and editor.


That said there are several glaring mistakes in this PS in content that your friend needs to address, please direct them here so that they themselves might review other PS edits and discover those errors.


Seriously, if they want the help offered here they need to ask for it themselves.

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