Criticism welcomed...

[slmitch88]

Please give me your feedback on areas to expand on or what needs to be cut out. I understand that I am way over the character limit but wanted to present several different topics. I will be doing some more editing and am interested in some feedback about what to get rid of of/keep. I know that being a PA is a good fit for me, in my essay I want to make sure that you know why I think it is and how I know that it is. Is this a strong opening and closing? Thank you!

 

From my time spent volunteering at Keller’s Lake Day Camp, a camp for developmentally disabled individuals, I realized how much I enjoyed the connection I was able to make with campers. I was able to help them experience a week of being carefree and having fun through camp activities while becoming more sympathetic and aware of the needs of people with disabilities. The ease with which I connected to the campers encouraged me to continue to volunteer and work with individuals and pursue a career in which I could. After taking an introductory course on health careers in college, I found out about the Physician Assistant (PA) profession. I continued to learn more about the profession by talking with PAs, doing research online and joining Pre-PA Club. After pursuing work experiences as a CNA and home health aide and shadowing a PA, physician and certified nurse specialist these experiences provided me with the confirmation I possess the strength, responsibility and dedication it takes to be a PA. I have worked hard to get patient-contact care hours to show that providing confident, compassionate care is what I truly want to do. As a home health aide I have developed responsibility as I am accountable for an individual’s health. By providing personal cares and completing therapy exercises I work with them to provide the best quality of life possible.

During my first shadowing experience in Cardiology, I was captivated by the knowledge and practice of the PA and how easily she could bounce ideas off of her supervising physician. I have seen how much variety can exist within the duties of a PA, as Andrea Winters, in Pediatric Cardiology checked on newborns in the neonatal intensive care unit, while Molly Jacobs in Family Practice focused on prevention as she provided routine pap smears. I am motivated to establish the relationships and trust that patients have with their health care providers. Shadowing has given me an opportunity to talk one-on-one with several PAs, allowing me to hear not only about the rewards and advantages of being a PA, but also to be prepared for the challenges and difficulties of the profession.

I chose to major in Community Health Education because I am committed to influencing people’s health through the promotion of prevention. As a PA, I want to help people with their immediate medical needs, but also want to go a step further and utilize my background in health education to promote preventive actions. I have seen the results that preventive measures can offer as I worked on biometrics testing of employees of a local school district. As they increased their physical activity and watched their diets, they saw drops in cholesterol levels, blood pressure and weight. I want to educate others about these benefits so that they may develop a better quality of life by focusing on prevention rather than solely on treatment.

My time at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse allowed me to take classes and participate in events whose principles I will put into action as a PA as I offer health education to patients. My involvement in numerous extracurricular activities has enhanced my leadership and interpersonal skills, as well as given me responsibility within an organization. I have exercised these capabilities as President of Eta Sigma Gamma, a health education honorary. In my role as President I organized and led meetings, created a successful fundraiser and worked with the executive team to uphold the promotion of health education within the La Crosse and campus communities. In order to show my passion for the profession, I have dedicated myself to excellence in academics and involvement within the campus and La Crosse communities.

The PA profession provides the opportunity to care for a wide variety of patients, with diverse backgrounds and varying medical concerns. I chose to double major in Spanish because I want to provide quality care to a greater population through communication with Hispanic patients. From my work and volunteer experiences at day camp, a free clinic, and track events I have had the opportunity to work with a variety of populations including: older adults, developmentally disabled individuals, children, Hispanics and low socio-economic status adults. Every new population I work with allows me to gain better insight about how to best educate and work with them in order to create a healthier lifestyle.

I have put myself in new situations and have faced changing perceptions as I spent time studying abroad in Ireland and Costa Rica. My time in Costa Rica allowed me to develop my Spanish language and trained me in providing culturally-sensitive care by doing mock appointments with patients and interacting with patients in the pre-consult area of the clinic. As we spent time going door-to-door in search of symptoms of dengue and tuberculosis, my curiosity of global health grew while I learned to be open to new ideas and experiences.

 

One of the greatest benefits of a being a PA is the opportunity to develop rapport with patients through direct communication and patient education. Through my experiences as a CNA, home health aide, direct support professional and volunteer, I am intrigued at the wide array of patients and challenges each shift offers. As a result of these experiences, I have learned that the personal time which I spend with patients, getting them ready in the morning or talking about their day is the most satisfying aspect of my job. There is merit in knowing that my actions can make a difference in someone’s life by showing them that I am concerned with their health and well-being. Through volunteer and patient-care opportunities I have developed a strong work ethic and good attitude, as well as patient interaction skills which I will use in my career as a PA.

Being a PA allows for an individual to assume responsibility in the care of patients, yet have the consultation of a supervising physician available to them. My interactions with PAs, through shadowing experiences and work at the free clinic have allowed me to see the role a PA fulfills within the health care setting and how they fit into the team approach to care. I am driven by my strengths of persistence and organization to learn and exercise the demands of a PA in skill and knowledge. I have chosen each of my involvements to reflect my interests and abilities in order to prepare me to be a PA and health educator.

[UllrPrincess]

I think it's a great start but a few little things to point out. People who have disabilities don't want sympathy from other people (trust me). The definition of sympathy 1. Feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune. I'm sure you didn't learn how to pity someone with a disability. I know that seems stupid but I have a couple disabilities and it jumped right out at me. Better be safe than sorry :)! My other comment would be that I don't think that specialties need to be capitalized.. ie: cardiology. Also I think you definitely need to go back and have other people proofread for you (as I'm sure you were going to do anyways). Heres one example, "By providing personal cares and completing therapy exercises I work with them to provide the best quality of life possible."... should be personal care not cares and I would reword completing therapy exercises to assisting with therapeutic exercises. Additionally it is them who are completing the exercises not you so you should reword that. Other than those nitpicking stuff I do think you have a lot to work with. Good luck! :)