xomelanie Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Personal Statement Essay Topic: In the space provided write a brief statement expressing your motivation or desire to become a physician assistant. Maximum Length: 5,000 Characters Characters: 4965 My life almost ended exactly where it began: in Metropolitana Hospital in Caracas, Venezuela. From the day I was born, most of my time was spent within the cold walls of a hospital room. It took multiple tests to figure out what was wrong with me: why I would not eat, why I was always sick. Intravenous fluids were the only thing keeping me alive. Although I do not recall this experience, it is something that followed me for the rest of my life. Every time my grandmother visits, she tells the story in Spanish, “I would place you in the bathtub with flour to distract you while I attempted to sneak a spoonful of food in your mouth. I did everything for you to be able to survive and I am so grateful you are alive. You will never understand that feeling.” I hug her and smile, “Thanks to you, grandma, I am fine now.” When I was two, my parents desperately took me to Boston Children’s Hospital and discovered my severe lactose, sugar and gluten intolerance. After undergoing extensive treatments, I finally began to enjoy a normal childhood. While my health continued to improve, my grandmother’s medical issues worsened. My grandmother suffered from life-threatening melanomas on her face, leaving her disfigured from multiple surgeries. She rarely goes outside and never joins us on vacations because the sun is her worst enemy. Luckily at that time, I began an internship with Dermatology Associates and learned about Photodynamic Therapy to rid patients of precancerous lesions. Immediately on my way home that day, it hit me. I told my grandmother about the treatment and her visit could not come soon enough. I had the privilege of performing the procedure on her; her eyes lit up as she watched me in scrubs, applying the medicine on her face gently and holding her hand during the procedure. A tear came down her face as she thanked me. In that moment, I realized the feeling she described to me and I searched for a way to find this feeling over and over. I dedicated my college years to studying medicine and determining which career would be best for me. Recalling my frequent visits to the dermatologist, it was the physician assistant whom I spent my visits with. It was through her that I first heard of the profession. Not only did she treat my acne but she was there for me when I experienced a sudden loss of hair. The doctor diagnosed it as alopecia areata, and she gave me the support I needed when the painful needles were inserted into my scalp. Upon my many visits, I always felt a greater and more personal connection with the PA than the physician; she provided me with the same quality of care as I hope to give a patient. Looking to gain more insight into this career, I observed a dermatology PA allowing me to witness patients’ joy as their skin cancers were removed in just minutes. As I observed the procedure, I was impressed by the vast amount of responsibility and independence a PA could have. It was heart-warming to observe the relationships formed and how much his patients truly appreciated him. Both PAs showed me the kind of practitioner I want to be: one that is supportive, caring and knowledgeable. After learning about the physician assistant role, I wanted to get more experience in patient care. Passion and perseverance led me to be chosen as a Clinical Assisting Student at Dermatology Associates for Angela Franz, PA-C. Entrusted by a team of doctors, she supervises the Cosmetic Center, providing Photodynamic therapy, lasers for various skin conditions, and many other treatments that allow patients to regain their confidence. I assess these patients, give options for treatment and refer back to her. I am able to witness the autonomy she possesses, but appreciate the assistance provided by the doctors. It brings me joy to see these patients’ conditions and self-image improve simultaneously. I find passion spreading awareness on skin care and skin cancer prevention. In addition, working as a Patient Care Assistant at Tallahassee Memorial, I assist patients with daily activities that are no longer as effortless as they once were. Watching one of my patients be able to walk again, while another recovers from quadruple bypass surgery, makes my job incredibly rewarding. Every patient I care for instills in me the values of care and compassion and how important these are to their well-being. They motivate me to study harder and inspire me to provide the best care that I possibly can. All of these experiences, the patients I had the pleasure to care for, and the physician assistants I worked closely with, shaped me into who I am today. This combined with my passion for helping others and thirst for knowledge left me with supreme confidence and immense joy in the path I chose as an aspiring physician assistant. I am confident that one day I will be changing the lives of others as mine once was, treating every patient the same way my grandmother treated me, with relentless effort and compassion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disciple3 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 The amount of work and care you put into this shows. It is personal, stays on point answering "why pa" and flows very well. Get that caspa submitted already it's getting late ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xomelanie Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 I don't like this sentence: I realized the feeling she described to me and I searched for a way to find this feeling over and over. or this one: They motivate me to study harder and inspire me to provide the best care that I possibly can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PS_editor Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 My life almost ended exactly where it began: in Metropolitana Hospital in Caracas, Venezuela. From the day I was born, most of my time was spent within the cold walls of a hospital room. It took multiple tests to figure out what was wrong with me: would consider not using colon here, you already used it in the first sentence and it's not good to repeat structures like this so close to each other why I would not eat, why I was always sick. Intravenous fluids were the only thing keeping me alive. Although I do not recall this experience, it is something that followed me for the rest of my life. Every time my grandmother visits, she tells the story in Spanish, “I would place you in the bathtub with flour to distract you while I attempted to sneak a spoonful of food in your mouth. I did everything for you to be able to survive and I am so grateful you are alive. You will never understand that feeling.” I hug her and smile, “Thanks to you, grandma, I am fine now.” When I was two, my parents desperately took me to Boston Children’s Hospital and discovered my severe lactose, sugar and gluten intolerance. After undergoing extensive treatments, I finally began to enjoy a normal childhood. good job with the dialogue. Attention-grabbing intro, nice job While my health continued to improve, my grandmother’s medical issues worsened. My grandmother suffered from life-threatening melanomas on her face, leaving her disfigured from multiple surgeries. She rarely goes outside and never joins us on vacations because the sun is her worst enemy. Luckily at that time, I began an internship with Dermatology Associates and learned about Photodynamic Therapy to rid patients of precancerous lesions. Immediately on my way home that day, it hit me. I told my grandmother about the treatment and her visit could not come soon enough. I had the privilege of performing the procedure on her; her eyes lit up as she watched me inscrubs, applying the medicine on her face gently and holding her hand during the procedure. A tear came down her face as she thanked me. In that moment, I realized the feeling she described to me and I searched for a way to find this feeling over and over. So these two paragraphs are interesting and sincere, but you still haven't mentioned PAs yet. Your writing so far is fine, miles better than a lot of stuff posted here, but the main goal is talk about why you want to be a PA. So far you've spent roughly half the essay space and no mention of PA yet. I dedicated my college years to studying medicine and determining which career would be best for me. Recalling my frequent visits to the dermatologist, it was the physician assistant whom I spent my visits with. It was through her that I first heard of the profession. Not only did she treat my acne but she was there for me when I experienced a sudden loss of hair. The doctor diagnosed it as alopecia areata, and she gave me the support I needed when the painful needles were inserted into my scalp. Upon my many visits, I always felt a greater and more personal connection with the PA than the physician; she provided me with the same quality of care as I hope to give a patient. Looking to gain more insight into this career, I observed a dermatology PA allowing me to witness patients’ joy as their skin cancers were removed in just minutes. As I observed avoid repeating the same word the procedure, I was impressed by the vast amount of responsibility and independence a PA could have. It was heart-warming to observe the relationships formed and how much his patients truly appreciated him. Both PAs showed me the kind of practitioner I want to be: one that is supportive, caring and knowledgeable. After learning about the physician assistant role, I wanted to get more experience in patient care. Passion and perseverance led me to be chosen as a Clinical Assisting Student at Dermatology Associates for Angela Franz, PA-C. Entrusted by a team of doctors, she supervises the Cosmetic Center, providing Photodynamic therapy, lasers for various skin conditions, and many other treatments that allow patients to regain their confidence.Not sure why you listed the procedures, unless you are doing them. I assess these patients, give options for treatment and refer back to her. I am able to witness the autonomy she possesses, but appreciate the assistance provided by the doctors. It brings me joy to see these patients’ conditions and self-image improve simultaneously. I find passion spreading awareness on skin care and skin cancer prevention. In addition, working as a Patient Care Assistant at Tallahassee Memorial, I assist patients with daily activities that are no longer as effortless as they once were. kind of confusing, had to re-read. shoot for clear, simple writing Watching one of my patients be able to walk again, while another recovers from quadruple bypass surgery, makes my job incredibly rewarding. Every patient I care for instills in me the values of care and compassion and how important these are to their well-being. you have a tendency to be wordy. writing less is actually better (and harder) than writing more. They motivate me to study harder and inspire me to provide the best care that I possibly can. All of these experiences, the patients I had the pleasure to care for, and the physician assistants I worked closely with, shaped me into who I am today. This combined with my passion for helping others and thirst for knowledge left me with supreme confidence and immense joy in the path I chose as an aspiring physician assistant. I am confident that one day I will be changing the lives of others as mine once was, treating every patient the same way my grandmother treated me, with relentless effort and compassion. "I don't like this sentence: I realized the feeling she described to me and I searched for a way to find this feeling over and over. this sentence is a bit awkward. "I realized the feeling she described to me and have since searched for a way to recreate it..." not saying to use this, but it's just an example of how to re-word it or this one: They motivate me to study harder and inspire me to provide the best care that I possibly can." I think this sentence is fine. Definitely one of the better essays I have read on this forum. My biggest is to try to mention PA earlier in the essay, even just in a sentence or two. Your writing is mostly clear and well thought out, with good grammar. Nice job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xomelanie Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Thank you!! I appreciate your input. Made me smile. I actually just submitted it already (I waited long enough!) so im glad there weren't very major issues. Anyways, Best of luck to you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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