First draft of Narrative.... Any help and suggestions Greatly appreciated!

[massotherin14]

My decision to become a Physician Assistant was a path not created in a day. There are multiple life experiences that assisted in developing my desire to be a Physician Assistant. At a young age, I was not as knowledgeable about the medical field nor certain of it as my choice of a career path; but I always felt drawn to help others. I have multiple family members who have chosen to devote their careers to the life of medicine and each have willing shared their experiences with me in my choice to pursue a career in medicine. The experiences range from worst such as the endless hours spent working graveyard shifts or losing a patient to the best such as seeing a patient improve day after day or being able to discharge a patient on good health. No matter the story shared, each family member sees every experience as a win-win knowing they have helped someone in need. Seeing their determination and passion in patient care has motivated me in my desire to help and care for someone who is in need. I chose the major of Sports Medicine and Exercise Science at Belhaven University because I knew I wanted a career that would allow me to be on the forefront of healthcare and treatment not as an observer but as a doer. The time I was given to shadow physicians during my clinical observation time at Belhaven University is something I value greatly. Each physician strengthened my passion to someday provide the exceptional care I observed to patients. My experience with each physician was moving and motivating to me each in an individual way.  I was able to experience, firsthand, multiple surgeries such as brain tumor removals, ligament reconstruction, heart catheters, and more. Every opportunity I was given to shadow a surgery, physician, or physician assistant, my desire to one day be the hands behind the treatment increased more and more. When given the opportunity to volunteer in the Athletic Training department at Belhaven University, I took it with an even deeper passion to pursue my career as a Physician Assistant. Volunteering in the athletic training facility gave me the opportunity to work directly and connect with athletes. I was able to gain first hand experience assessing injuries, discuss possible treatment plans with the athletic trainers, and administers treatment to injured athletes. It was rewarding to experience a injured athlete able to rejoin the field of play due to the treatment I provided hands on. I have been around health care professions through out my life through family, friends, school, myself, and more. Two members of my family who have had a large impact on my journey to become a Physician Assistant are my grandfather and my nephew. Both family members underwent open heart surgery to receive a pacemaker. It was a very disheartening yet strengthening experience to see my nephew go through that experience at barely one year of age. My nephew is now three years old and has made a complete turnaround in his overall being since his pacemaker. Watching him grow past this defect has shown me the miracles of medicine and push me to be the hands behind a patient's "miracle". I want to be the "step" that allows a patient to grow and experience life better than they were experiencing before. I believe, if given the opportunity, I can make others' lives more comfortable and at ease. I believe I can add to the medical field immensely by becoming a Physician Assistant. I am a hard working individual who has a teamwork and determined attitude. "Never" and "I do not know" are not words in my vocabulary; I can push the limits of medicine and try to help ones who believe they can not be helped. Physician Assistant is my calling.

 

 

[IWest]

Its a nice start but it needs a little structure. I always like the PS that starts with a story because it draws the reader in (Just me) so maybe you can start with one of those experiences that meant so much to you. 

Then you can start breaking up your background into structured paragraphs like family, school, and so on.  

 

If you leave your opening as is "My decision to become a Physician Assistant was a path not created in a day. There are multiple life experiences that assisted in developing my desire to be a Physician Assistant." you don't need the first sentence as your second sentence says "multiple life experiences"  so the reader can infer.

  

It really has some good bones to it they just need to be moved around a bit and added upon! Best of luck 

[Zanna]

I agree with IWest. It kind of jumps around from shadowing to volunteering back to shadowing. I also feel you could do more showing and less telling about your experiences in athletic training. It sounds amazing what you were able to take part in there. But, if you could maybe be more specific about what you did and give examples it would have more meaning. Great essay overall, just needs to be restructured. Good Luck!