First Draft. Comments, Criticism, and Advice Greatly Appreciated!!!

[FuturePA25]

I am a first time applicant, and I have been pushing back writing my personal statement for an entire month. This is just a rough draft and total character count including spaces is 3036, but I would really appreciate any help improving my essay. Thank you in advance. (:

 

 

I was in the process of completing a call sheet at the Ambulance Corps headquarters when a call came in: fifty eight year old male, cardiac arrest, CPR in process. Within seconds, the other volunteer EMT’s and I were in the ambulance speeding through intersections with sirens blaring. We reached the home and I stepped in to continue the chest compressions the police officer had been doing for several minutes. Another police officer attached the AED, but no shock was advised. My colleague was setting up the suction kit, while the other was holding the oxygen mask waiting for my count to thirty to apply two pumps of air into his airway. This lasted for 45 minutes, but still no response. He was pronounced dead at 10:32am while his wife and daughter cried out in the other room. Having been my first day volunteering with the Ambulance Corps, the death of a complete stranger took a toll on me. As horrifying as this moment was, I was able to learn from it, making it clear that working in the medical field was the path for me, a path leading to the ultimate goal of becoming a Physician Assistant.

 

Other than having heard the term ‘Physician Assistant’ and knowing a couple of friends interested in the field, I had absolutely no idea what it was. It wasn’t until I brought my mother to a rheumatology clinic to have her knee looked at when I had my first interaction with a PA, whom I originally believed to be a doctor. Not only was she professional and intelligent, as far as I could tell she had the same duties as any physician I had encountered. It was at this moment when I decided to dig a little deeper into the PA profession.

 

I soon came to realize how rigorous and competitive physician assistant programs are, and having already entered my junior year, becoming a PA just seemed like an impossible goal I had set for myself. I made the unfortunate decision of working thirty hours a week while volunteering at multiple hospitals and clinics all while taking eighteen credits per semester, resulting in poor grades, a severe hit to my GPA, and exhaustion feeling as if I had accomplished nothing.

 

I questioned whether the path I had chosen was even worth it, but then I recalled why I was so passionate about working in the medical field: it is about helping people and making a difference in another persons’ life, knowing you are the reason they are on the road to recovery receiving the care they need. As interested as I was in the medical field, becoming a physician just didn’t seem right for me. Both jobs require lifelong learning, but the flexibility, growing job prospects, and collaboration with physicians and other physician assistants are just a few of the amazing opportunities one has when becoming a PA. This is the career for me, I was sure of it. I am back on track and now focusing on completing my summer courses and senior year strong. As much as my grades may have suffered in the past, I will not allow it to deter me from achieving my goal of becoming a successful physician assistant. 

[paba]

I think your essay is really good, it could just use some tweaks here and there.

 " I made the unfortunate decision of working thirty hours a week while volunteering at multiple hospitals and clinics all while taking eighteen credits per semester, resulting in poor grades, a severe hit to my GPA, and exhaustion feeling as if I had accomplished nothing." 

 

In this sentence, you call this decision "unfortunate". I would change this wording because I think it will give the programs the wrong idea. Although these decisions did hinder your academic success, the volunterring helped you realize you wanted to be in the PA profession. I would reword this sentence to reflect that, while your grades did suffer, the experience you gained was very valuable. 

 

However, I think that overall you did a great job! Good luck to you. Please take a look at my post further down the forum regarding my personal statement. It is very rough and could use all the critique I can get! 

[FuturePA25]

I changed the wording around and added more about my experiences volunteering in hospitals and shadowing a PA. Thank you for your input, means a lot! Good luck to you as well.