Second draft, feedback appreciated!

[taylerm]

It all started by being involved in something meaningful. I have been enrolled in a fluoride study through the University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics ever since I was born. This study has tracked my tooth and bone development since birth as well as surveyed me on dietary and non-dietary habits. With this study, I have participated in research at the hospital while also observing how the healthcare professionals interacted with patients. The team of healthcare professionals took special interest in me, and I noticed how good it made me feel to be the focus of their attention.  Since this early age, I took an interest in the healthcare field because I felt that I was a part of something that would have an impact on future generations.

 

 As I began to consider fields of study before going to college, it was important to me that science and the study of human health was part of my curriculum. During my first year at Iowa State University, I shadowed a researcher at New Link Genetics who was working on medical treatments to extend the lives of patients with pancreatic cancer. The research involved the use of mice, and they were looking at developing an immune response to cancer through immunotherapies. At that moment, I began to see the impact that this research could have on the future of healthcare. I was excited to see how these new therapies could change the way disease is treated, but I felt like there was something missing while being part of a laboratory setting.  The research was fascinating, but something inside of me needed to see how it would be applied to patients in a clinical setting. I wanted to be working directly with patients, so I decided to pursue a position in healthcare. I decided to shadow PAs in the fields of gynecology and dermatology where I had interest. I took note of how these PAs connected with their patients and made them feel so comfortable. Not only did they supply their patients with medical care, they took the time to develop a personal relationship.  While repeating these shadowing experiences, I began to see myself sitting in their position. That is when I decided to pursue the goal of obtaining my PA certificate.

 

During the past year, I have been working as a CNA in a long-term care facility and have been assigned a role in the Dementia Care Unit. I believe that every resident deserves to have a good experience at the end stages of life and I have an obligation as a CNA to make their quality of life better. Recently, I was faced with the task of giving a combative resident a shower.  Showers often confuse and frighten people with dementia, but I discovered that this resident enjoyed music. While preparing the resident for her shower, I began to sing with her. I held her hand and stayed close to her. She proceeded to sing, “twinkle twinkle little star” with me and took a shower with the biggest smile on her face. It warmed my heart to know that I made the shower more enjoyable. That smile and the tone of her voice while singing together helped us develop a unique friendship and made caring for her a pleasure for me.

 

I have been working in this long-term care facility since August 2014 while a full-time student at ISU and I plan to continue working at this facility through my graduation in December until I matriculate. I believe the challenge of balancing school and work has prepared me for the rigor of PA school.  I have continued to receive high grades while working outside of classes, and I have also made time to be involved in many other clubs as well. I have been on Dean’s List for five semesters, maintained a leadership position in scuba diving club and was nominated for a leadership society called Order of Omega by my sisters in my sorority. I have also served the outside community by participating in events that support St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital and volunteered at the blood drive every year. I have taken the steps toward success, and I am excited to see what new experiences and lessons await me on my journey.

 

The position of a physician’s assistant is especially appealing to me because I am able to act as a conduit between the physician and the patient while maintaining a direct role in patient care. The PA position is a critical component in the future of health care, and it enables flexibility in the types of medical situations where a PA can play a key role in patient care. All of my experiences including the fluoride study, research, shadowing, and direct patient care have accumulated to give me the motivation that I have today. My goal is to give the best care possible and provide an experience that the patient and their family consider positive and is appreciated. Ultimately, communicating and working effectively with patients is where I intend to focus my studies. The smile and the tone of the resident’s voice will be my guiding force as I pursue this career.    

[medicfourlife]

One key thing I want to point out real quick is in your final paragraph. The correct term is "physician assistant" as a PA does not belong to a physician. Other than that, for me it flowed well, there were not harsh cutoffs or movement from story to story. After reading yours I need to go rewrite mine! All the best of luck!