First time applicant, how's my PS look?? Help!

[JPLTenn]

It was the winter of 2012 when I could no longer ignore the fact that I was a college junior with absolutely, positively no idea where I belonged after graduation. While I had always felt pulled towards healthcare work, I was stumped by where exactly I could fit into the greater medical field. Many years prior, I had decided that my future was as a physician, so I began my pre-med directed major of Microbiology. But as the semesters and science classes ticked on, I found myself thinking my skill set would be better suited for healthcare management, so I began my business administration minor. Now, here I was, a 21 year old soon-to-be senior with a science and business combination degree, filled with nothing but confusion and anxiety as I was about to enter another semester of lackluster class work. Something had to change, and when a “Best study abroad programs” Google search led me to University of Virginia’s Semester at Sea, I knew my life was about to do just that.

            Eight months later, I boarded a cruise ship with over 500 other college students from around the country and began unpacking for a four-month stay. The ship was named the MV Explorer, and I was now at her mercy as I began a journey to 17 different cities, within 16 different countries, on three different continents. I got to see places I’d only dreamt of, hear lectures by professors and humanitarians I’d only heard of, and imagine a life full of possibility that I’d only ever deemed as impossible. My professors and peers helped me see that the remarkable life I craved was in arms reach.

            While on the ship, I had the opportunity to take two different public health courses, which highlighted public health issues through study of infectious disease control and international health issues through the eyes on women. Through these studies, class discussions, and first hand experience through in-country field excursions, I began to realize the incredible impact that medical professionals have on a global scale and knew that I was right all along, this is where I belonged. Our on-ship physician assistant showed such compassion and intelligence when dealing with shipboard health, while still being so accessible and relatable to even those with crippling language barriers. Through diligent research and close collaboration with my professors and mentors, I learned about what exactly a Physician Assistant was, and set my sights someday being Jani Lakeman, PA-C.

            Upon returning from my semester abroad, I got to work whipping myself into the best PA applicant I could possibly be in 6 months time. After a short time back on campus I discovered our Global Medical Training club and by May of 2014, I was boarding yet another international flight to Managua, Nicaragua as a team member of GMT volunteer medical professionals. Our aim was to provide quality healthcare to some of the most remote and undeveloped villages of Nicaragua. Through careful planning and months of preparation, we were able to bus out to a different location every single day for a week and treat every last community member that walked into our clinic, day or night.

            With only a stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, and Spanish dictionary in hand, I worked with other college students to examine and assess preliminary diagnoses and treatment plans for people of all ages. Under the supervision of local and American physicians and medical providers, our team was able to treat roughly 300 patients each day, completely free of charge. This week taught me the importance of being detail oriented, as the smallest aspect of their complaint was often the largest indicator of their diagnoses. I also grew in my level of compassion, as watching a patient transform from a scared, silent guest into a warm, smiling friend with only a few questions and a touch of the hand is what kept me motivated each and every moment of the trip.

            Only two days after returning from Nicaragua, I began my next journey towards becoming a PA. Months of phone calls and emails throughout the spring semester had led me to the opportunity of a lifetime as a full time intern at Northcrest Medical Center in White House, TN. Under the supervision of my mentor, Brittany Jepson PA-C, I got to participate in direct patient care with her in rooms each day, as well as work with insurance companies, pharmacies, and other extended care centers to provide the absolute best care experience for our patients. Brittany helped me grow tremendously by contributing to a summer full of personalized teaching, observation, and hands on practice into how a PA functions on a daily basis. Our patients came from all walks of life, and by the end of my summer there I felt confident in my ability to assist in excellent patient care alongside Brittany. My internship at Northcrest showed me how patient care is so much more than treating illnesses. Brittany saw her patients as more than a sinus infection or broken ankle, they were her neighbors and her community; and through a careful relationship of trust, they were her extended family members.

            My Semester at Sea led to my passion for humanitarianism while teaching me flexibility and how to be a great communicator no matter what route that communication may take. Nicaragua led me to discover a deep compassion for the world’s less fortunate, and brought out a work ethic in me I never knew I had through a combination of autonomous confidence and seamless teamwork. Finally, my internship at Northcrest helped me excel in my interpersonal skills and taught me how to succeed in high speed and high stress settings. I firmly believe that my unique international experiences combined with my love for the Physician Assistant profession would make me an incredible tool to any PA graduate program. I have full confidence that not only would I succeed greatly as a PA student, I will someday make a well-rounded, dedicated, and very skilled Physician Assistant. 

[QueenEmile]

I think your story is great! the topics throughout the narrative are very individualistic. There are a few sentences that are a worded a little funny and a couple grammar mistakes. I think if you read it out loud to yourself you'll be able to catch these. I also feel like you have such a great story and that you just need to to milk it a little more, by sprucing up your sentence structure, making the essay flow better and possibly add some drama to your vocabulary. 

 

When you say "While I had always felt pulled towards healthcare work,"... you could say "While I had always gravitated to occupations in healthcare.."

 

"Many years prior, I had decided that my future was as a physician"... you could say, "Many years prior, I decided on my future career as a physician, ..."

 

I think you essay becomes much better in the middle, so i would just suggest adding the same flavor to the first paragraph to draw in he readers attention. 

 

Also, when you talk about your internship, you could describe a actually scenario of a patient and when you acquired hands-on- experience with them.. instead of just listing some of your job duties.... you could make it a little more personal. 

 

Hope this helps!!