Rough Draft - Any help is great!

[swimfan2025]

Concerns:

 

Too many "I" statements

Too many commas (I'm terrible with them)

Lacking true P.A. desire/statement

Grammar

 

 

“A single factor overwhelmingly determines your success in life; maximizing talent and intelligence and minimizes roadblocks and negative circumstances”.   This ‘single factor’ has continued my pursuit of medicine for the last ten years, beginning in high school. When a gruesome death was witnessed, an overall lost feeling stayed buried inside me until college.  This emotion drove me to continue my education in Emergency Medicine as a Paramedic.  From there I continued my pursuit in Cardiology as a Holter/Telemetry Supervisor.  Lastly, I continued my pursuit as a Physician Assistant applicant, twice.  Consequently, the proven single factor that has furthered my desire is, “Willpower, that special mix of determination, persistence and self-control”.  The original emotion of feeling lost has continued to stay, but with increasing advanced knowledge the feeling improves little-by-little.

Over the last three years, my dedication towards this goal became authentic.  Taking time off work as I began with strong science pre-requisites was not an easy task.  Like others I have continued taking classes, while working a full-time job.  My GPA has improved drastically once I found my hearts answer to my lost feeling.  Immaturity is a real thing that plagues many youth and I was not immune. A drastic change in attitude shows true commitment to an endeavor.  While falling short of the Physician Assistant application the first time, I continued an interest in the field and hope to verify my desire.

            My authentic quality of patience with others is unlimited.  Teaching others, reasoning with misguided convictions, and listening to others opinions before developing my own have guided my growth with this.  I’ve dealt with people trying to hurt me, hurt others, and hurting themselves.  This can only be done with grace and understanding of others feelings and backgrounds. Being an advocate for the Physician Assistant program would give me a greater platform to extend my patience with others.   My second quality that is most palpable is my perception of altruism.  Helping others for the greater good not only extends for the medical field, but into my personal life as well.  The P.A. program will allow me to help others, but self-sacrifice for the benefit of others is a reflection that would work well.  Like others, my intentionality of this narrative is to show ‘great insight’ of my healthcare experience and my ‘needed desire’ to further pursue higher medicine.  While most paragraphs might come off as rhetoric, my hopes are that my two personal attributes are more attractive.

            While test scores, healthcare background, and community service give a basic understanding of whom I am, my intangibles are what really set me apart.  My times as a Paramedic, and now a manager, have made me an enthusiast of controlled chaos. This style of work fuels my desire to learn more and work more efficiently.  Learning to “swim” in many occasions when others would be expected to drown is an arduous path.  Secondly, hands-on interaction has become force of habit for my daily life.  Whether it’s holding a patient’s hand or performing CPR on someone’s significant other, my capacity to perform these tasks with patience and altruism are what distinguishes me from others.  As a Physician Assistant, my continued responsibility will be in these two fields.

My healthcare experiences have given me full insight into the dedication and commitment that a Physician Assistant demands.  My personal endeavors require I put forth my insurmountable efforts.  An excitement for pursuing this profession is unparalleled.  Beginning with that horrible car accident that propelled me through the challenges of emergency care, a desire for new knowledge continues to grow. I am eager, humbled, and honored to consider the privilege of a more advanced medical education, the position of a Physician Assistant.  

[DiggySRNA]

Hello!

Overall suggestions:

Let's try a new approach - a very aggressive one :)

• Try introducing yourself off the bat as a second time applicant - no sugar coating.
• You're a paramedic so I KNOW you have some awesome stories to tell because the EMT-Ps I know have it all, so use this to your advantage. Saying "I am a paramedic" is boring....Saying "the game changed when I arrived on scene to a patient unresponsive on the floor drenched in a pool of his own blood. I knew I had to bag him. I felt and heard crackles of his ribs as I attempted CPR and at that moment my adrenaline sky rocketed. Not from the excitement, but from knowing I have the skills to revive him." This is how you hold someone's attention [show, don't tell].
• You need to expand on what you're saying so it is clear to everyone who is reading your PS.
• I once read on a PA Program's website that they are looking for altruism, maturity, compassion, humility, etc in a PS BUT the catch is, they don't want it listed, they want it to be shown throughout the statement. 
• After the amazing stories you have as a paramedic, refer back to being a second time applicant and explain (NOT LIST) what you have done differently or continued to do compared to last year or whenever you applied the first time.