The Drug Cartel and my personal statement. Please critique my first draft?

[jon112785]

Jacume, Mexico has been referred to as a “Black Hole” due to its remote location and lack of control by the authorities on both sides of the border. In 2006, the LA Times wrote a piece on Jacume, shedding light on California’s border where mile-for-mile more drugs are seized relative to any other border town in that state. Roughly 2 years after this article, I found myself heading into this proverbial drug cartel epicenter to help open up the town’s only healthcare clinic. My trips to and from Mexico offered some profound insight into poverty stricken areas and the people who suffer as a result. Poverty that, to some people in the United States, may be easily shrugged off or forgotten if simply read about in a newspaper. The first hand experience of seeing the poor infrastructure, financial hardship, and even lack of clean water is something I will never forget. What I found particularly shocking was speaking with a few older residents whose first time ever visiting a doctor was at our clinic. After the overwhelming appreciation from the people of Jacume, it was at this point I knew I wanted the rest of my life to be involved in medicine.

 

From the many patients our clinic saw over the course of my time there, one exam stood out to me. This exam was strikingly different from the others I had observed while volunteering at clinics in Mexico. Different from the many exams of patients with hypertension or type 2 diabetes. While sitting in an improvised exam room with a primary care physician, a few minutes into the exam, our patient wept as she was describing symptoms of depression after her husband of 30 years had been killed. The most notable memory I have from that day is the interaction between the physician and patient.  As the patient described her psychological ailment, the doctor placed his hand on the patient’s shoulder to comfort her. The physician offered the most sincere sympathy as he listened and asked questions.  The exam concluded with the doctor hugging the patient as she began to settle her sobs and continually said “Thank you, thank you.” I felt that one of the most important aspects of this exam was the amount of compassion the physician had for the patient. This exemplifies the importance of not only critical thinking skills a physician assistant should have but, compassion as well.

 

Originally, my goal was to pursue a career in research or become a physician. My love of science and the desire to further understand how illness arose in people was a major driving factor throughout my undergrad. I was fascinated with the details of the human body and how normal functioning can be perturbed.  My extensive research ranging from neurodegenerative diseases to peripheral nerve regeneration continuously enriched my understanding of disease mechanisms and how they may be corrected. While in the Bridges to Stem Cell Research Program, it was exhilarating to learn about the potential stem cells have to treat a variety of diseases.  However, research lacked one key element I truly enjoyed and experienced while volunteering in Mexico, which was interacting with the individuals I was helping. Subsequently, I applied to medical school and was accepted to the University of Queensland Medical School in Brisbane, Australia. However I declined the offer because I was concerned about the significant debt while being an older applicant and the huge distance between my family and I. In addition, my ability to practice in California near my family at a later date was not guaranteed after graduation. I was later elated to learn about being a physician assistant. While talking to other physician assistants and reading books, I discovered a career as a physician assistant is the perfect fit for me. Since I consider myself to be a life long learner, I love the possibility of being able to change specialties after a few years if I decide to try something new. I am also attracted to the idea that physician assistant duties focus on patient care and not on the business aspects such as billing, reimbursement, and marketing.

 

Ultimately I view a job as something one does for compensation. However, working as a physician assistant is something I would consider a career. A career because that feeling of helping people who are in such need of help like my time spent in Jacume, Mexico is something I want to do for the rest of my life. It is a life long commitment to medicine and the people who seek it.

[jon112785]

This is some outside feedback I got and wanted to post it to help anyone that decides to read:

 

Let’s discuss.  The logical progression to PA breaks down half way through the 2^nd to last paragraph.  You also can’t predict exactly what the ultimate functions of a PA will be so the negative view of billing, reimbursement and marketing should be left unsaid.  The ‘I’m too old’ item doesn’t ring true: First page on Google has this little “factoid”:

 

According to the Association of American Medical Colleges, the mean age of a med school applicant is 24. 

I was 51 when I decided to go to med school. I had people in my class who were in their 30's and 40's. I also had a brainiac who wasn't even old enough to drive himself to school!

 

So if that is your reason for not attending, they will question your judgment.  Also, make sure you have proof of your acceptance if they need to see it.

 

I like the human connection story though.  You might follow that reasoning further, especially if there appears to be more time that a PA can spend with patients vs an MD or DO.  So basically, you explain why you like medicine (hands on, rather than research) in paragraph 1 and 2 .  But why you like to be a PA is not really clear. 

[Amberd27]

Wow, that was compelling and entertaining! I applaud your work. One note, I would rephrase this

 

 Since I consider myself to be a life long learner, I love the possibility of being able to change specialties after a few years if I decide to try something new.

 

Life long learner just comes off as kind of cliché, something I'm sure you know to avoid! I've read that phrase in so many essays, and even omitted it from my own essay just recently. Keep that idea going though; versatility is certainly a perk of being a PA!

[jon112785]

Wow, that was compelling and entertaining! I applaud your work. One note, I would rephrase this

 

 Since I consider myself to be a life long learner, I love the possibility of being able to change specialties after a few years if I decide to try something new.

 

Life long learner just comes off as kind of cliché, something I'm sure you know to avoid! I've read that phrase in so many essays, and even omitted it from my own essay just recently. Keep that idea going though; versatility is certainly a perk of being a PA!

 

Thanks Amber!