extremely rough draft! please help!

[aguaj]

This draft has numerous grammar errors and does not have a good flow.  I wrote this draft really fast just trying to get my thoughts out.  I know the first paragraph is complete trash and I am unsure if I should be going into so much detail about my downfalls and my time in undergrad and grad school. I do not have a conclusion because I know this is not going to be my final. I just really want to know about the content. Any criticism would be appreciated!

 

          

 

Figuring out what to say in this narrative is one of the most difficult things I have set out to write.  My experience with important narratives ranges from writing personal statements to gain entry into an undergraduate and graduate program, writing a research thesis to obtain a Master’s degree, as well as writing an apologetic letter to my significant other in the hope for forgiveness.  Despite the importance I placed in writing all of the above narratives, I believe it is harder for me to write this particular one because I have never wanted anything more than admission into a physician assistant program.  The path that has led to this desire was not a smooth one, however, it allowed to me mature into the person I am today. 

            As an undergraduate student, I lost my way the second semester of my sophomore year up until the end of my junior year.  The grades I received during this period do not reflect upon the student I am, but instead represent an immature, unfocused version of myself.  During my senior year I refocused my energy in learning, yet in November of my fall semester I made the biggest mistake of my life and was arrested for driving while intoxicated.  This singular event is my greatest regret, and I am thankful every day that I was prevented from harming anyone.  I entered into undergraduate knowing I wanted a career as a healthcare provider, but had not definitively decided what aspect of healthcare I wanted to pursue.  After my semesters of poor performance and my conviction, I lost all confidence in my ability to succeed and gave up on a dream I had for so long. 

            Following graduation with a B.S. in Chemistry, I enrolled into a graduate program to obtain a Ph.D. in organic chemistry.  However, after a year of organic studies I still had a desire to pursue a career as a healthcare provider.  It was then that I decided to start taking the pre-requisites for admission into PA school during the summers that I was in graduate school.  In undergrad I took all the necessary classes for the pre-medical track, but had heard many times about becoming a physicians assistant.  I studied more about what a physician assistant is and how they differ from a medical doctor and realized that I would rather pursue a career as a PA.  The defining difference for me was the greater focus on patient care and education.  Not only do PAs help others through diagnosis, but also develop meaningful relationships with their patients.

            After another year of research in the laboratory, I realized that although I could continue my Ph.D. studies it was not the career I truly wanted.  Conducting experiments in the laboratory was fascinating, yet I did not want to spend the rest of my life in a laboratory without any real human contact.  I have a great passion for science and problem solving, but I also have a strong desire to help others.  It was after my second year of graduate school that I decided to get a Master’s instead and follow the path I had always wanted to become a healthcare provider. 

            The experience I had in graduate school taught me to prioritize and multi-task as I had to juggle between taking classes, teaching organic chemistry lab, and doing research in the laboratory.  My various volunteer experiences in both high school and undergraduate led me to interact with people of all different backgrounds and ages, while my time as a teaching assistant allowed development of patience and understanding.  Although I do not have direct healthcare experience, I worked in a family practice doctor’s office as the receptionist, which allowed me to develop communication skills when dealing with patients.  I have also recently started volunteering at a hospital and cannot wait to gain experience in a healthcare setting.

[JohnnyM2]

What I get from this is that you were immature through college, getting poor grades in years 1 and 2 and then a dui in year 4. Please take the time to read ALL the threads about people with duis posted on this forum. It is both sad and enlightening. You didn't say how you lost your way. Why were you so messed up and how did you find your way back? I don't care, personally, but an ad com reader will want to know. Why do you now want to be a PA? Your "defining difference" between PA and MD is unconvincing. It is really going to be tough for you to get into a PA school so you really need to reflect on this. The dui is an admissions problem because a. It says something about your character, b. It will be an issue in clinical rotations (background check) and c. It is a licensing issue. The grades are also likely to be an issue. A PA student told me that in her medical ethics class, she was told that to get licensed, a PA needs, among other things, "to be of sound moral character" and she wondered how the medical board could evaluate someone's character. Answer: they do a background check. Getting past this issue can be tough.

You are correct to address both the grades and the dui in your personal statement but I wouldn't be optimistic about your chances. Anyway, you have used way too many words. (caspa) places a tight limit on length.

 

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[aguaj]

Thank you for your feedback!

 

I know I need to add more about why I want to be a PA, I'm just hung up on how to explain my downfalls.  There was no tragic thing that happened to me in undergrad that can explain my grades. I was immature as I stated above, and hung out with an unfocused crowd.  The C's I recieved in cal 1, cal 3, physics 1, and physics 2 were due to my lack of effort. I recieved C's in orgo 1 & 2 as well for the same reason, but went on to get a Master's in organic so that should show my improvement. I have read all of the DWI related posts on this forum as well as others and from what I can tell it is always a case to case basis which is frightening.  I had just turned 21 when I recieved my DWI and it will be 4 years since the incident in november. I hope if I do apply, the adcom takes that into consideration, as I have not had a problem with the law since then.

[PASASM92]

I would not mention DUI.

 

 

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