CASPA Narrative

[merp]

Hello everyone,

 

This is my draft for the CASPA Narrative. To give a little background about myself, I am not a very "traditional" applicant. Most of my patient care hours are not through medical work, but through my employment in the social services (apparently my school of choice has deemed this acceptable). I want to make sure that I am answering the question, giving relevant information, not being repetitive, and that I am not making stupid grammatical or spelling mistakes. Any help would be greatly appreciated, and I am happy to help others in kind. I've included the CASPA prompt. I feel that the weakest part of my narrative is the conclusion and would appreciate any tips there. Thanks.  

[merp]

I have changed my narrative quite a bit since my first posting. I was given the advice that I should make this more personal and relevant (not by anyone in the PA forum community....Bueller...Bueller...). Having strangers read quite personal information about me, and having to write about it, is daunting and not something I enjoy. Any help is appreciated. 

 

 

One of my five sisters was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when I was 17 and another when I was 19.  They both spent years in excruciating pain before their ailments were given the all-encompassing title of “Crohn’s”, despite the difference in their symptoms. Aside from their shared disease, they also shared a preference in being seen exclusively by Physician Assistants (PA). These professionals exemplified impeccable bedside manner and gave continuous compassion and empathy to my sisters. It was around the time of my first sister’s diagnosis that I took my first Anatomy and Physiology class in high school. I was smitten with it by the end of the first lecture. I would read out loud to my sister what little my textbook said about Crohn’s disease and we would then discuss how her vastly her different her symptoms were from the version told by the book.

 

My sister’s diagnosis and my newfound love of medicine armed me with an imperative sense to serve others. I hastily enrolled in a Certified Nursing Assistant program that summer to gain more exposure in the field and set out with purpose and gusto serving patients in a long-term care facility until I moved away for college.  In deciding which field of medicine I wanted to receive potential training in, I was averse to the idea of becoming a Doctor- I was ready to go forth and do, not go forth and stay in school for the next ten to twenty years. The thought of becoming a nurse was not appealing to me either, as I wanted autonomy and independence in my career. My primary healthcare provider growing up was a family practice Physician Assistant. She always made me feel at ease and comfortable despite painful or awkward procedures. My sister's experiences in working with Physician Assistants further gravitated me toward the profession. A PA was the perfect blend of experience and education in my eyes. As a Physician Assistant, I would be able to perform independent tasks and procedures while still having the experience and supervision of a physician. Becoming a PA would also allow me the flexibility to be trained in different specialties without additional time in school.

 

I thought my route to PA school would be uncomplicated because I knew what classes to take and how many hours of patient care I would need. I did well in high school, but was clueless to the amount of time and work it would take to excel in my pre-requisite classes in a university setting. During this time in college, I participated in volunteer work, stayed active with my college’s PA and pre-med clubs, and shadowed a local general practice Physician Assistant. My second sister was diagnosed with Crohn's during my second year of college and my grades did not reflect the pas sion I held for medicine. I eventually made the decision to change both my major and school so that I could graduate in three years and live closer to my family. I further convinced myself that I wanted to work in the social services because I could continue to serve others in a different capacity.

 

However, since graduating, my passion for medicine has been only been invigorated. A year after graduating I realized that I needed to rethink my career path.  Working in the social services was both challenging and rewarding in regards to my emotional capacities, but I craved the intellectual stimulation that could only be filled by medicine. I was working at a residential home for homeless youth when I enrolled in the first pre-requisite classes I needed for PA school. I retook several classes that I had done poorly in my first year of college and, finally realizing the amount hard work and dedication required to excel in them, raised my grades significantly. Since that time, I have completed almost all of my pre-requisites while working full time.

 

In my career, I have worked with a wide spectrum of people: infants, at risk children and youth, adults with developmental disabilities, and patients with varying degrees of mental illness. Nearly all of the patients I have come into contact with are chronically underserved in regards to healthcare. By being employed in the social services, I have come to realize that my work experience and desire to become a PA can be coupled. I would like to eventually start and run a general practice clinic specifically for patients who cannot afford treatment or need specialized treatment due to extenuating circumstances such as mental illness or disability. Having been greatly influenced by my two sisters' diagnoses of Crohn’s disease, I also have the intent of serving patients with gastrointestinal disorders and diseases. The amazing thing about becoming a Physician Assistant is that it is possible to pursue these avenues (and more) in my career. I don’t have to pick one specialization, and because of that, I can become a better and more well rounded healthcare professional.

 

While I have had my trials and setbacks on the path to applying to PA school, these struggles have helped me gain the maturity and adaptability needed to prepare me for the hardships and rigorous training necessary to become a Physician Assistant.  I would be honored to have the opportunity to one day give my patients the care and respect that other outstanding providers have given me, my family members, and my clients. 

[Jpruette]

 

Since you seemed to appreciate my efforts in other poster's essay critique, I thought I'd give you my thoughts on yours :)

First of all, it is MUCH better than the 1st draft.  You really took care of many of the things I had to say about it, so I'll jut be critiquing this second draft.  My comments will be in red

 

One of my five sisters was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease when I was 17 and another when I was 19. You can shorten this to "Both of my sisters have Crohn's disease"  They both spent years in excruciating pain before their ailments were given the all-encompassing title of “Crohn’s”, despite the difference in their symptoms. Aside from their shared disease, they also shared a preference in being seen exclusively by Physician Assistants (PA). Take out exclusively, its reads better These professionals exemplified impeccable bedside manner and gave continuous compassion and empathy to my sisters. Empathy suggests that the PA, too, has Crohn's disease.  Sympathy is probably the word you are looking for. Also take out continuous, unless they were somehow receiving round-the-clock care.   It was around the time of my first sister’s diagnosis that I took an Anatomy and Physiology class in high school. I was smitten with it  (take out) by the end of the first lecture. I would read out loud to my sister what little my textbook said about Crohn’s disease and we would then discuss how her vastly her  (take out) different her symptoms were from the book.  (I changed this a little, "told from the book" being  little awkward)

 

My sister’s diagnosis and my newfound love of medicine armed me with an imperative sense to serve others. "Armed me with an imperative sense".  Thats a mouthful.  Think about what you are trying to say here.  This is a classic , overly descriptive, too many big words sentence.  How about making it more active: "This experience lit a fire under me to extend my caring to others in need."   I hastily enrolled in a Certified Nursing Assistantprogram that summer to gain more exposure in the field and set out with purpose and gusto serving patients in a long-term care facility until I moved away for college.  Take out hastily, it sounds like you did it without thinking, as opposed to did it as quickly as you could, (which is what I think you meant).  Also take out, "until I moved away for college" because it sounds like you did this for about 8 weeks, which isn't all that impressive.  In deciding which field of medicine I wanted to receive potential training in, Take out the beginning of this sentence, its awkward, try "While working in long-term care, I explored which area of medicine might be best for me".  I was averse to the idea of becoming a Doctor (should not be capitalized) - I was ready to go forth and do, not go forth and (Take this out) stay in school for the next ten to twenty years. The thought of becoming a nurse was not appealing to me either, as I wanted autonomy and independence in my career (Oooooh, you just slammed a whole lot of people for being automatons! Careful!!!! Definitely change this, maybe discuss why the nursing model doesn't appeal to you as much as the medical model.  My primary healthcare provider growing up was a family practice Physician Assistant. She always made me feel at ease and comfortable despite painful or awkward procedures. My sister's experiences in working with Physician Assistants further gravitated me toward the profession. Gravitated is not a word. "Try pushed me further"  A PA was IS keep it in the present tense  the perfect blend of experience and education in my eyes. As a Physician Assistant, I would be able to perform independent tasks and procedures while still having the experience and supervision of a physician. Becoming a PA would also allow me the flexibility to be trained in different specialties without additional time in school. Cut the without having to spend additional time in school - sounds lazy.  Try "Becoming a PA will also allow me the flexibility to move between different specialities as I wished.  

 

I thought my route to PA school would be uncomplicated because I knew what classes to take and how many hours of patient care I would need. I did well in high school, but I was clueless to the amount of time and work it would take to excel in my pre-requisite classes in a university setting. During this time in college, I participated in volunteer work, stayed active with my college’s PA and pre-med clubs, and shadowed a local general practice Physician Assistant. My second sister was diagnosed with Crohn's during my second year of college and my grades did not reflect the pas sion I held for medicine. I eventually made the decision to change both my major and school so that I could graduate in three years and live closer to my family. I further convinced myself that I wanted to work in the social services because I could continue to serve others in a different capacity.   I really hate this paragraph.  I think you should keep the 1st sentence, then jumped to stayed active in clubs, etc. Then just say you were distracted by school and friends and family, and your grades suffered.  Then go to the "I eventually made the decision to change…."

 

However, since graduating, my passion for medicine has been only been invigorated. Take out this first sentence. I think you need to fill in what you were doing here, "A year after graduation I was working at a residential home for restless youth.  While I enjoyed the …(insert what you enjoyed here, emotional gratification of working with young people, blah blah blah)… by working in the social services, I was left feeling that I wanted more.  I did not find this type of work intellectually stimulating".  A year after graduating I realized that I needed to rethink my career path.  Here you should take this next part out and skip to "I decided to return to my original plan of working towards becoming a PA. I enrolled in the pre-requisite classes I needed to finish for PA school"   my original plan orking in the social services was both challenging and rewarding in regards to my emotional capacities, but I craved the intellectual stimulation that could only be filled by medicine. I was working at a residential home for homeless youth when I enrolled in the first pre-requisite classes I needed for PA school. I retook several classes that I had done poorly in my first year of college and, finally realizing the amount hard work and dedication required to excel in them, take all this red part out raised my grades significantly. Since that time, I have completed almost all of my pre-requisites while working full time.

 

In my career, I have worked with a wide spectrum of people: infants, at risk children and youth, adults with developmental disabilities, and patients with varying degrees of mental illness. Nearly all of the patients I have come into contact with are chronically underserved in regards to healthcare. By being employed in the social services, take out I have come to realize that my work experience and desire to become a PA can be coupled i think the word you want here is combined, not coupled   . I would like to eventually start and run a general practice clinic specifically for patients who cannot afford treatment or need specialized treatment due to extenuating circumstances such as mental illness or disability. Having been greatly influenced by my two sisters' diagnoses of Crohn’s disease, I also have the intent use "have an interest in"  of serving helping patients with gastrointestinal disorders and diseases. The amazing thing about becoming a Physician Assistant is that it is possible to pursue these avenues (and more) in my career take this out. I don’t have to pick one specialization, specialty and because of that, I can become a better and more well rounded healthcare professional.

 

While I have had my trials and setbacks on the path to applying to PA school, these struggles have helped me gain the maturity and adaptability needed to prepare me for the hardships and rigorous training necessary to become a Physician Assistant.  I would be honored to have the opportunity to one day give my patients the care and respect that other outstanding providers have given me, my family members, and my clients. 

 

Nice ending

Good luck - Below is my edited version of your essay.

 

 

Both of my sisters have Crohn's disease.  They both spent years in excruciating pain before their ailments were given the all-encompassing title of “Crohn’s”, despite the difference in their symptoms. Aside from their shared disease, they also shared a preference in being seen by Physician Assistants (PAs).  These professionals exemplified impeccable bedside manner and gave compassion and sympathy to my sisters.  It was around the time of my elder sister’s diagnosis that I took an Anatomy and Physiology class in high school. I was smitten by the end of the first lecture. I would read out loud to my sister what little my textbook said about Crohn’s disease and we would discuss how different her symptoms were from the book. 

 

This experience lit a fire under me to extend my caring to others in need.   I enrolled in a Certified Nursing Assistant program to gain more exposure in the field and set out with purpose and gusto serving patients in a long-term care facility.  While working in long-term care, I thought about which area of medicine might be best for me.  I was not interested in becoming a doctor - I was ready to go forth and do, not  stay in school for the next ten to twenty years. The thought of becoming a nurse was not appealing to me either, as I prefer the medical model of treatment to the nursing model. I was drawn to the idea of becoming a PA because my primary healthcare provider growing up was a family practice PA. She always made me feel at ease and comfortable despite painful or awkward procedures. My sister's experiences in working with PAs further tipped the scales towards this profession. As a Physician Assistant, I would be able to perform independent tasks and procedures. Becoming a PA will also allow me the flexibility to move between different specialities as I wished.  

 

I thought my route to PA school would be uncomplicated because I knew what classes to take and how many hours of patient care I would need. I participated in volunteer work, stayed active with my college’s PA and pre-med clubs, and shadowed a local general practice Physician Assistant. My other sister was diagnosed with Crohn's during my second year of college and I was distracted by family obligations and lacked the maturity to handle all of the responsibility I was trying to juggle.  I eventually made the decision to change both my major and school so that I could graduate in three years and live closer to my family. I further  thought that I wanted to work in the social services, because I could continue to serve others in a different capacity.   

 

A year after graduation I was working at a residential home for restless youth.  While I enjoyed the emotional gratification of working with young people, I was left feeling that I wanted more. Not only did I want to be able to do more for the people I worked with, I did not find this type of work intellectually stimulating.   I realized that I needed to rethink my career path.  I decided to return to my original plan of working towards becoming a PA. I enrolled in the pre-requisite classes I needed to finish for PA school, and retook several classes that I had done poorly in my first year of college and raised my grades significantly. Since that time, I have completed almost all of my pre-requisites while continuing to work full time.

 

In my career, I have worked with a wide spectrum of people: infants, at risk children and youth, adults with developmental disabilities, and patients with varying degrees of mental illness. Nearly all of the patients I have come into contact with are chronically underserved in regards to healthcare.  I have come to realize that my work experience and desire to become a PA can be combined. I would like to eventually start and run a general practice clinic specifically for patients who cannot afford treatment or need specialized treatment due to extenuating circumstances such as mental illness or disability. Having been greatly influenced by my two sisters' diagnoses of Crohn’s disease, I also have an interest in helping patients with gastrointestinal disorders and diseases. The amazing thing about becoming a Physician Assistant is that it is possible to pursue these avenues (and more). I don’t have to pick one specialty and because of that, I can become a better and more well rounded healthcare professional.

 

While I have had my trials and setbacks on the path to applying to PA school, these struggles have helped me gain the maturity and adaptability needed to prepare me for the hardships and rigorous training necessary to become a Physician Assistant.  I would be honored to have the opportunity to one day give my patients the care and respect that other outstanding providers have given me, my family members, and my clients. 

•  

[merp]

Thank you for taking the time to give me your feedback! It's amazing what a fresh pair of eyes can do. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to assist me. 

[Jpruette]

 

Sure thing!  Maybe you can take a look at mine?  Its called  "lightning bolt"

[merp]

Absolutely!