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My Personal Statement, a story of inspiration


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My mother was the strongest person I've ever known. Without the aid of a college education, she raised four children while working and advancing in her career. She started out as a receptionist at an auto body shop, got a job as a pharmacy technician and eventually became an EKG stress technician. She was the image of strength: independent, healthy, strong-willed and honest; and she taught me that these are the qualities every person should have in her life.

 

Then my mother broke her ankle after tripping in the middle of the night. I took my mother to the doctor to have her ankle cast, and the doctor who examined her insisted on an MRI of her brain. I sat back, perplexed, as the world around me spun out of control. When the results came back, he diagnosed her with primary progressive multiple sclerosis. Unlike any other form of MS, primary progressive would never go into remission. It would only get worse. Doctors speculated that my mother -- only 54 years old at this point -- had the disease for about 10 years.

 

It was as though someone had flipped a switch with that diagnosis. Quickly, my mother's physical and mental health began to deteriorate. She no longer woke up at 6 a.m. to make coffee and work in her garden. Forced to retire from her job, she could no longer walk just six months after her diagnosis.

 

I had been working as a nursing assistant for the previous three years, and around this same time I received my medical assistant certification. Studying medicine and health care was already an important part of my life. However, the onset of my mother's debilitating illness inspired me to further my education. Taking my mother to doctor appointments, administering her medications and being her caregiver encouraged me to pursue a career as a health care provider. I'd like to give others the same high quality care and treatment my mother received.

 

For many years, my mother inspired me to work hard, be strong and be independent. Her health declined for several years and every day was a struggle, but she never gave up. I plan to take that strength and determination with me as I move forward in my career.

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I'm sorry, but I think you've just got to re-write this one.  Its all about your mother!  I'm sorry for her troubles, and impressed by what she achieved, but I know just about nothing about you.  I see you have some certifications.  Surely in your job you have had other experiences? Try using what happened to your mother as a jumping-off point to tell your own story, but be careful because almost everyone on this forum writes about how their mother/sister/grandpa/next door neighbor's brother-in-law had some debilitating disease and they took him/her/them to the hospital and met a PA and it changed their life.  Try to think about your life and who you are and why you want to do this….

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I want to let your mom into PA school after reading that!

 

In all seriousness, the PS is a chance for adcoms to learn about you and this PS is not doing a good job in that regard. Don't feel like you have to copy the formula you see repeated a ton here.

 

Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk 2

 

 

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I didn't realize the criticisms would be so harsh when I posted my PS. And I wrote mine before reading anyone else's. My mom passed away two years ago, and her struggle was a very influential time during my medical career. I understand that I should have spoken more about myself. However, I did talk about bringing the strength she instilled in me with me in the future. I was proud of my writing.

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I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your mother marskat. The good and bad thing about posting on this forum is that it's a lot easier for users to be brutally honest because most of us don't know one another. I don't think there's anything wrong in talking about your mom- this is YOUR narrative. However, like other users have mentioned, it is about YOU. We all have a starting point and we wouldn't be posting our narratives if we thought they were perfect. Good luck!

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Hey Ms, I am sorry if my post hurt your feelings! I meant it to be a bit lighthearted, but honest. I apparently failed at the lighthearted part.

As to your ps, there is nothing wrong with talking about your moms experience as a motivator, but it should encompass no more than a paragraph. Remember, the people reading this don't know you, and this is your first impression. Multiple people are reading your PS coming away with a strong sense of who your mom was, not who you are. It is not that you wrote was poorly written, it is just not the right story to be telling, so to speak.

 

Good luck with your application!

Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk 2
 

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Good start. You have a central theme here and now it's about building upon that to graduate your PS to the next level. Briefly talk about your mother (no more than 1 paragraph) and then lead that into your personal encounter with a patient (from your MA experience). 

 

Posting your PS here shows you how harsh the Adcom can be when others critique it. Don't trip up on what people say, they're just being honest, or objective others may say. If we, the forum members, say what we think you want to hear, then it will not benefit you. If we are honest about the content of your PS it will provide you a better sense of what Adcoms are looking. 

Think outside the box and try to be unique and not write about what others have already written. Remember adcoms are reading THOUSANDS of applications and over 80% of them are about the same story...it gets boring and lacks originality.

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