Personal Statement rough draft- need honest feedback

[jashdown]

Just started writing and looking for any feedback. I would like to know if this is the right direction or not.

 

 

He screamed, high pitched and loud, making the children nearby move away. I had been warned of these signs and knew that I only had minutes before a full blown rage would occur. James and I were at the park when he first showed signs of aggression. I, being a new caregiver, had only heard stories, I had never experienced what was about to come. “James lets go home to the safe room.” “safe room,” he repeated. We had just walked out of the park, on our four minute walk home, when the hitting began. He hit himself first and then targeted me. I began to run in zigzag patterns across peoples lawns to avoid the 240 pound uncoordinated boy that was chasing after me. In all honesty I was terrified. It was not the aggression though, but the noise that was frightening. I have never heard such high pitched screams and barks come from a human being. As I sprinted up the driveway I had to figure out how to get him into the “safe room,” James’ safe place, as quick as possible. I made it inside the house with James coming right behind me. The “blue room” door was open and I stepped inside. I was beaten for a few seconds before I managed to escape; the door was closed and James was safe.

 

I never thought I would find myself working with people with developmental disabilities (DD), especially since I am seeking a career as a physician assistant. I grew up with a sister, Julie, who has cerebral palsy and arthrogryposis. You might think that since I lived with someone with DD for 18 years that I would be comfortable with others different than myself, I was not. I preferred not to be put in situations where I was uncomfortable. This all changed last summer when I met James and applied to Sunshine Homes, a group home for young adults with DD. While living with Julie gave me skills, like patience and empathy and undoubtedly shaped who I am today, it was not until I started working at Sunshine Homes that I began to have a new perspective on people different than myself. When I first went to work I would see autism or cerebral palsy; now I only see people who I love to be with – friends. Although there are conflicts, misunderstandings, and aggression, I have learned that the joy, laughter, and friendships far out way the hard times. I am blessed by the residents on a daily basis. They have gifted me with invaluable people skills which will help me with my future patients as a physician assistant.

 

I continue to spend time at Sunshine Homes; however, the majority of my time is now spent in the Emergency Department at my local Hospital. As a unit tech I have become a part of the medical team and I am able to participate in the medical process, working alongside physician assistants and other healthcare workers. Coming into the position I did not know what to expect but was eager to perform my role. I remember the first code blue I was a part of. The physician, nurse, and I were in the patient’s room when her vital dropped. “Call a code, begin compressions,” the physician ordered, my CPR classes had finally paid off. Within seconds nine people were standing in the cramped room, ready to help where needed. Minutes later the patient’s vital stabilized. Moments like these are where I really understand that medicine requires teamwork from every individual involved.

 

Since my first day in the ED I have begun taking an active role in understanding our patient’s pathology and why we do what we do. I enjoy observing the PAs and other healthcare clinicians during the medical process. My background in athletic training has given me an understanding of the human body and the necessary steps for appropriate assessment. I believe this is why I was first drawn to medicine – it is always a puzzle. Since I was a child I have loved puzzles, regularly covering my parent’s living room floor with 100, 500, and 1000 piece puzzles. There is mystery, challenge, and the elating feeling of solving the “problem.” All of the blood tests, diagnostic images, special tests, clinician observations, and treatments are all pieces. So when the chest pain, hypoglycemic, or shortness of breath comes in I am eager to see which pieces that the clinician’s choose to solve the puzzle.

 

I never thought that I would be thankful for a gap year. But as I look back on the past 12 months I am grateful for my new experiences, as they have been the most beneficial to me. They have solidified that my desire to be a physician assistant lies in the intersection of the structural and human component of medicine. I want to use the skills that I have learned living with Julie and working with James and the residents at Sunshine Homes to serve patients. I want to take my inquisitive nature to learn what is required so that I may appropriately diagnose and successfully solve my patient’s puzzles. My experiences have given me a passion for healthcare, I am eager to once again start my studies and become an integral part of the medical team by becoming a physician assistant.

 

 

 

 

 

[NathanLe]

It's engaging - I wanted to keep reading. You might think about condensing your first two paragraphs into one and adding a paragraph about why you want to be a PA specifically. I noticed several grammar and spelling issues, which is fine for now, but make sure to have some writing folks edit it.

[jashdown]

Thanks for the comments, I am working on condensing the first two into one. Anyone else have feedback?