Personal statement/marathon accomplishing goals, 3x applicant

[sam]

Here is my personal statement. My weakness is writing so I could use any advice I can get especially on my conclusion!!! Thank you! 

 

 

My legs were throbbing, my mind was telling me to stop and I felt as though I was going to collapse. That was just the beginning of my first marathon. I thought to myself, “I have trained hard and long for this, I will not give up now.”

 

I was determined to achieve one of my biggest fitness goals: qualifying to run in the Boston Marathon.  I had been training for several months and injured myself to such an extent that my ability to run the 26.2 miles was uncertain.  I tossed and turned in order to avoid the electric pain and tingling down my leg.

 

During the weeks prior to the marathon, I decided to step back and prevent myself from permanent injury. My husband encouraged me and let me know that he would be proud of me for crossing the start line regardless of how many miles I completed. Deep down, I never allowed myself to get comfortable with the idea of stopping.

 

Early in the race I felt like stopping, but another runner looked me in the eye and said, “stay strong.” I kept repeating those words throughout the rest of the race. Runners encouraged one another to not give up, supporting each other along the way. It came especially important at mile 20. I was hitting the ‘wall.’  My legs suddenly felt heavy and my pace slowed to a near walk. A nearby runner was with a friend who wanted to stop. I overheard him say, “This is your dream, you can’t stop now.” I thought to myself, “This is MY dream, too.” As I passed them, he said to me, “Way to push through,” and that is when I knew with only six miles left, I could not stop when I have gotten this far.

 

Finally I saw the finish line, and I felt my legs burning and shaking. I gave it my all and collapsed at the end searching for my husband in a crowd of medics. Though I was in excruciating pain, tears of happiness flooded my face as I acknowledged that I had achieved a dream that previously seemed far out of reach: I had become a Boston qualifier.

 

Running has shaped me into the person I am today, and helped me discover my inner strength. I have overcome obstacles, and understand that consistency and determination are essential to success.  My motivation to qualify for the Boston Marathon is reflective of my drive toward becoming a physician assistant. Throughout my journey at times I feel as if I have hit the ‘wall’ and wanted to give up, but my desire to succeed keeps me moving forward.

 

During my undergraduate education at Augustana College I was fortunate to attend a two-week medical mission trip to Nicaragua. This trip first opened my eyes to the field of medicine through participation in medical assessments, treatments, and prevention plans for patients in an underserved population. I enjoyed working with my classmates as we took turns leading the health assessments and gave each other feedback. This experience allowed me to recognize the importance of communicating effectively as a team member for patient care, and ultimately influenced my decision to become a physician assistant.

 

In pursuance of my goals, I became an emergency department scribe at Mary Immaculate Hospital.  During this experience, I was able to see a variety of cases including patients with congestive heart failure, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and uncontrolled diabetes. I had the opportunity to follow both the physician and physician assistant throughout many patients’ cases. I contributed to the optimized health care efficiency by recording the chief complaints, physical exams, differentials, procedures, and clinical impressions. During my experience in the emergency department, I observed providers taking the time to educate their patients on preventive measures to ultimately decrease patient’s visits to the hospital. Charting for providers in the emergency room allowed me to be familiar with the physician assistant’s role as a valuable asset expediting the patient flow in the hospital and decreasing physician shortage.

 

My first marathon taught me that mental strength and perseverance are essential to reaching my goals. My experiences in Nicaragua gave me a rewarding feeling of purpose that I never want to let go. Working at Mary Immaculate allowed me to witness the role of a physician assistant, and the collaborative work they must do to treat their patients. I have the integrity and strength to accomplish my goal of running a marathon even when it seemed out of reach, and will have that same determination to serve others in the medical profession as a physician assistant.  

[wannabePA-S]

I like the general idea of how running shaped you. It provides a different outlook into your personal life. However, I will say I think you focused too much on running in the beginning. CASPA provides 5000 characters, not a whole heck of a lot of space. The intro is too long and your PS feels convoluted because of how long it takes you to address the actual purpose of this essay... why you want to be a PA.

 

With that said, please keep the running theme in as I think it makes you relatable. Focus more on HOW your trip to Nicaragua led to your decision that you wanted to be a PA. Why not nursing or MD? "ultimately influenced my decision to become a physician assistant." This sentence seems empty and vague to me and could me in a million people's PS. Did you meet a PA or shadow a PA that had characteristics that you feel you embody as well? Why will YOU make a fabulous PA? What attributes do you possess that you gained from your life experiences so far? That will make a more compelling PS. 

 

Example: "During my experience in the emergency department, I observed providers taking the time to educate their patients on preventive measures to ultimately decrease patient’s visits to the hospital." ... Ok, so you observed it... how did it change your perception of medicine?

 

Overall, this PS is vague. You have lots of good starting points though, and really interesting experience so elaborate! Good luck :)

[sam]

Thank you so much for your input! This was very helpful. Unfortunately there were no PAs on the Nicaragua trip but it was the idea of working as a team in the medical field that is similar to what a PA does. So I'm not sure how I can explain that. All I know it was the most rewarding feeling that I want to continue to have by helping others in the medial field. The marathon has made me into a goal oriented and driven person that also is replicative of how driven I am to become a PA and help others. So also I'm not sure how to explain that since I was vague. I'm having a very hard time explaining myself but I want this more than anything so I am defiantly going to work on this. I want to submit my application by Monday, is there any other points you can give me to help me make this better. Already you helped out a lot! Thank you. 

[wannabePA-S]

Here is my personal statement. My weakness is writing so I could use any advice I can get especially on my conclusion!!! Thank you! 

 

 

My legs were throbbing, my mind was telling me to stop and I felt as though I was going to collapse. That was just the beginning of my first marathon. I thought to myself, “I have trained hard and long for this, I will not give up now.”

 

I was determined to achieve one of my biggest fitness goals: qualifying to run in the Boston Marathon.  I had been training for several months and injured myself to such an extent that my ability to run the 26.2 miles was uncertain.  I tossed and turned in order to avoid the electric pain and tingling down my leg.

 

During the weeks prior to the marathon, I decided to step back and prevent myself from permanent injury. My husband encouraged me and let me know that he would be proud of me for crossing the start line regardless of how many miles I completed. Deep down, I never allowed myself to get comfortable with the idea of stopping.

 

Early in the race I felt like stopping, but another runner looked me in the eye and said, “stay strong.” I kept repeating those words throughout the rest of the race. Runners encouraged one another to not give up, supporting each other along the way. It came especially important at mile 20. I was hitting the ‘wall.’  My legs suddenly felt heavy and my pace slowed to a near walk. A nearby runner was with a friend who wanted to stop. I overheard him say, “This is your dream, you can’t stop now.” I thought to myself, “This is MY dream, too.” As I passed them, he said to me, “Way to push through,” and that is when I knew with only six miles left, I could not stop when I have gotten this far.

 

Finally I saw the finish line, and I felt my legs burning and shaking. I gave it my all and collapsed at the end searching for my husband in a crowd of medics. Though I was in excruciating pain, tears of happiness flooded my face as I acknowledged that I had achieved a dream that previously seemed far out of reach: I had become a Boston qualifier.

 

Running has shaped me into the person I am today, and helped me discover my inner strength. I have overcome obstacles, and understand that consistency and determination are essential to success.  My motivation to qualify for the Boston Marathon is reflective of my drive toward becoming a physician assistant. Throughout my journey at times I feel as if I have hit the ‘wall’ and wanted to give up, but my desire to succeed keeps me moving forward.

 

I put all of the bolded paragraphs above into a character counter and the total was 2378 characters meaning you are about half way through your PS without addressing the purpose of the essay. I think that anecdotes can be appealing and draw the reader into your story, however the focus is not on you qualifying for the Boston Marathon (which by the way is awesome so congrats!) it is about why you choose PA school. Think about the prompt. Get some paper and physically write down a few reasons you desire to go to PA school and build off that.

 

During my undergraduate education at Augustana College I was fortunate to attend a two-week medical mission trip to Nicaragua. This trip first opened my eyes to the field of medicine through participation in medical assessments, treatments, and prevention plans for patients in an underserved population (can you describe the type of patients you saw, what kind of diseases you encountered? a little more explanation could paint a more vivid picture...this is not the type of trip everyone has had the opportunity to go on). I enjoyed working with my classmates as we took turns leading the health assessments and gave each other feedback. This experience allowed me to recognize the importance of communicating effectively as a team member for patient care (how did it allow you to recognize communicating effectively was important? Did you build clinical skills? did you have direct patient contact? You say a lot about what you saw, not so much about what you DID which is equally or possibly more important!), and ultimately influenced my decision to become a physician assistant.

 

In pursuance of my goals, I became an emergency department scribe at Mary Immaculate Hospital.  During this experience, I was able to see a variety of cases including patients with congestive heart failure, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and uncontrolled diabetes. I had the opportunity to follow both the physician and physician assistant throughout many patients’ cases. I contributed to the optimized health care efficiency by recording the chief complaints, physical exams, differentials, procedures, and clinical impressions. During my experience in the emergency department, I observed providers taking the time to educate their patients on preventive measures to ultimately decrease patient’s visits to the hospital. Charting for providers in the emergency room allowed me to be familiar with the physician assistant’s role as a valuable asset expediting the patient flow in the hospital and decreasing physician shortage. (This paragraph is ok... I think what would make more of an impact if you explained what you learned as well as what you observed... similar to what I stated above. I think the point of scribing or any other medical type of work prior to PA school is so that you can build a foundation of medical knowledge that you can then apply when you become a PA. Schools want to see that you are gaining something from your experiences, not just doing things that build your CASPA, let me know if that makes sense!)

 

My first marathon taught me that mental strength and perseverance are essential to reaching my goals. My experiences in Nicaragua gave me a rewarding feeling of purpose that I never want to let go. Working at Mary Immaculate allowed me to witness the role of a physician assistant, and the collaborative work they must do to treat their patients. I have the integrity and strength to accomplish my goal of running a marathon even when it seemed out of reach, and will have that same determination to serve others in the medical profession as a physician assistant.  (This conclusion is a little on the weaker side but I think with revision of your main paragraphs, this will become stronger.)

[sam]

Thanks again for your help. I am working on one subject at a time to be more specific and less vague. I am having a hard time cutting out sections of my marathon so I skipped to my Nicaragua trip. Please let me know what you think or if I added too much. I actually deleted the whole section about working with my classmates. I thought it was important to share that I work well as a team member and therefore would make a good PA. 

 

 

During my undergraduate education at Augustana College I was fortunate to attend a two-week medical mission trip to Nicaragua. This trip first opened my eyes to the field of medicine through participation in medical assessments, treatments, and prevention plans for patients in an underserved population. The medical mission trip was the first hands on patient experience I gained that allowed me to take blood pressure, use a stethoscope to listen to the cardiovascular and pulmonary systems, take urine samples, and perform physical exams. I was able to diagnose common infectious diseases seen in third word countries such as parasites and malaria, and common illnesses seen throughout the world such as diarrhea from contaminated food and water, back pain and nerve impingements from labor intensive work, arthritis, rashes, candida, fungal infections, and upper respiratory infections. I also had practice writing prescriptions in Spanish that were checked by the healthcare providers.

 

It was rewarding to be able to provide the necessary care to treat patients who often lack the resources and knowledge to cure and prevent infectious diseases. We saw over a hundred patients at each clinic, and took the time to counsel about infectious disease prevention, which included boiling water for sterilization, and proper hygiene. The patients were so appreciative for the care and information we provided them, that it had made me realize how often we take our healthcare for granted. This experience provided me insight into how healthcare is beneficial and needed around the world, which influenced my motivation toward becoming a physician assistant to help those in need and to continue to take trips to underprivileged countries in the future. 

[sam]

Sorry I keep asking for help. This is my third time applying to PA school, and this is the first time I'm asking for help! I appreciate all the information you have given me so far. I am now stuck on making it only 5,000 characters. In "red" I feel I can delete but still need to get rid of a lot more. How can I cut more about my marathon without losing my uniqueness of my personal statement? Thank you. 

 

 

 

 

My legs were throbbing, my mind was telling me to stop and I felt as though I was going to collapse. That was just the beginning of my first marathon. I thought to myself, “I have trained hard and long for this, I will not give up now.”

 

I was determined to achieve one of my biggest fitness goals: qualifying to run in the Boston Marathon.  I had been training for several months and injured myself to such an extent that my ability to run the 26.2 miles was uncertain.  I tossed and turned in order to avoid the electric pain and tingling down my leg. My husband encouraged me and let me know that he would be proud of me for crossing the start line regardless of how many miles I completed. Deep down, I never allowed myself to get comfortable with the idea of stopping.

 

Early in the race I felt like stopping, but I kept repeating to myself to “stay strong.” Those words came especially important to me at mile 20. I was hitting the ‘wall.’  My legs suddenly felt heavy and my pace slowed to a near walk. I thought to myself, “This is my dream, I can’t stop when I have gotten this far.”

 

Finally I saw the finish line, and I felt my legs burning and shaking. I gave it my all and collapsed at the end searching for my husband in a crowd of medics. Though I was in excruciating pain, tears of happiness flooded my face as I acknowledged that I had achieved a dream that previously seemed far out of reach: I had become a Boston qualifier.

 

Running has shaped me into the person I am today, and helped me discover my inner strength. I have overcome obstacles, and understand that consistency and determination are essential to success.  My motivation to qualify for the Boston Marathon is reflective of my drive toward becoming a physician assistant.

 

During my undergraduate education at Augustana College I was fortunate to attend a two-week medical mission trip to Nicaragua. This trip first opened my eyes to the field of medicine through participation in medical assessments, treatments, and prevention plans for patients in an underserved population. The medical mission trip was the first hands on patient experience I gained that allowed me to take blood pressure, use a stethoscope to listen to the cardiovascular and pulmonary systems, take urine samples, and perform physical exams. I was able to diagnose common infectious diseases seen in third word countries such as parasites and malaria, and common illnesses seen throughout the world such as diarrhea from contaminated food and water, back pain and nerve impingements from labor intensive work, arthritis, rashes, candida, fungal infections, and upper respiratory infections. I also had practice writing prescriptions in Spanish that were checked by the healthcare providers.

 

It was rewarding to be able to provide the necessary care to treat patients who often lack the resources and knowledge to cure and prevent infectious diseases. We saw over a hundred patients at each clinic, and took the time to counsel about infectious disease prevention, which included boiling water for sterilization, and proper hygiene. The patients were so appreciative for the care and information we provided them, that it had made me realize how often we take our healthcare for granted. This experience provided me insight into how healthcare is beneficial and needed around the world, which influenced my motivation toward becoming a physician assistant to help those in need and to continue to take trips to underprivileged countries in the future.

 

In pursuance of my goals, I became an emergency department scribe at Mary Immaculate Hospital.  During this experience, I was able to see a variety of cases including patients with congestive heart failure, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and uncontrolled diabetes. I had the opportunity to follow both the physician and physician assistant throughout many patients’ cases. I contributed to the optimized health care efficiency by recording the chief complaints, physical exams, differentials, procedures, and clinical impressions. Scribing allowed me to gain an extensive medical knowledge from using medical terminology in patients’ charts, familiarizing myself with the applicable health assessments and plans of treatment, reviewing labs and radiology results, and recognizing appropriate prescriptions for patients.

 

During my experience in the emergency department, I observed providers taking the time to educate their patients on preventive measures similar to what we did in Nicaragua, to ultimately decrease patient’s visits to the hospital. This experience allowed me to see that providers show compassion for their patients’ care and wellbeing even in an emergency department setting. The most difficult part of working in the emergency department was not being able to see a patient’s progress when patients follow up with their primary care provider. However, I enjoyed being able to see a variety of cases, and procedures performed, and charting for providers allowed me to be familiar with the physician assistant’s role as a valuable asset expediting the patient flow in the hospital and decreasing physician shortage.

 

 

My first marathon taught me that mental strength and perseverance are essential to reaching my goals. My experiences in Nicaragua gave me a rewarding feeling of purpose that I never want to let go. Working at Mary Immaculate allowed me to witness the role of a physician assistant, and gave me the medical knowledge that I can utilize as a physician assistant. the collaborative work they must do to treat their patients. I have the integrity and strength to accomplish my goal of running a marathon even when it seemed out of reach, and will have that same determination to serve others in the medical profession as a physician assistant. 

[iamme]

Please offer any guidance on my PS.... Thanks

 

My journey into becoming a physician assistant (PA) has taken many courses.  I have always been interested in the sciences, and wanted to be knowledgeable about the human body and its functions.  I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Nutritional Sciences.  This degree had extensive coursework in the sciences revealing how the body interacts with food.  The healing nature of how nutrients affect the body is phenomenal; on the contrary, throughout my work experiences, I learned more about the detrimental effects of malnutrition.  Thus, my journey into becoming a physician assistant started because I wanted to be an advocate for proper nutrition paired with good medicine.



Subsequently, when my then two-year old daughter developed a scalp infection in December of 2011, I knew being a physician assistant was my future.  She spent most of 2012 battling the infection, taking various medications, and meeting with numerous doctors including dermatologist and other providers.  With no hopes of relief, I watched my daughter suffer from scalp sores, redness, and irritation on and off for almost a year.  The doctors simply did not know what was going on.  The sores would come and go almost as if playing hide and seek at her doctor's appointments.  I could only weep for my child.



The doctors and dermatologist were calling it a fungal infection; however, it did not seem to respond to weeks of anti-fungal medication.  My nurturing instincts told me to stop giving it to her.  It got to the point where I had to rush to the emergency room to catch the culprit "in action", so they could swab it to see what would grow from the culture; it yielded no results.  I received referral to a quick care facility.  There came in a whistling and singing physician whose diagnosis was Folliculitis, a bacterial infection.  This upbeat yet tender-spirited person spent all of three minutes with us, and after 10 long months of battling these episodes, she was "cured".  The doubts about his diagnosis set in, but quickly quelled from his confidence and high spirits; he was trusted, I trusted him.



The idea of becoming a PA had been bearing heavily on my mind prior, but it is within that moment, my dreams solidified.  I want to be that provider remembered for taking the appropriate steps in diagnosing and treating patients back to homeostasis.  To help families develop trust in their health-care and know their providers are here to provide the services that they seek.  Being a PA will allow me to serve in this capacity and will allow me to help practice primary care and bring more education and awareness to the under-served population.  Patients will trust that their provider has their best interest at heart, choose the correct course of action, and treat the whole person and not the symptoms.  To be a part of an elite and emerging medical team will allow the aging population to feel safe in going to the see "the doctor".  



My works over the years as a nutritionist have been able to help satisfy some of my desires of providing optimal patient care.  However, my scope of practice limits how much I can help.  Being able to recognize and treat health concerns and see the look of relief on patients' faces will give a sense of meaningfulness to be involved in patient care.  I want to be able to extend those warm thoughts about hope to my patients in knowing all will be well, and if not, they have support.  Thus, gaining acceptance in your physician assistant program will indeed bring a fresh and humbling perspective to the medical field.  I will bring only excellence and endurance to the practice.  
 

[sam]

Ok so this is my final revision of my PS. I have to submit within a couple days to make the March 1st deadline. I have made it under 5000 characters!! I just need to know if I made any mistakes/trouble with wording or need more work. I tried to make it as descriptive as possible. Thanks again for that valuable piece of advice.

 

My legs were throbbing, my mind was telling me to stop and I felt as though I was going to collapse. That was just the beginning of my first marathon. I thought to myself, “I have trained hard and long for this, I will not give up now.”

 

I was determined to achieve one of my lifetime goals: qualifying to run in the Boston Marathon. I had been training for several months and injured myself to such an extent that my ability to run the 26.2 miles was uncertain. I tossed and turned in order to avoid the electric pain and tingling down my leg. My husband encouraged me that he would be proud of me for crossing the start line regardless of how many miles I completed. Deep down, I never allowed myself to get comfortable with the idea of stopping.

 

Early in the race I felt like stopping, but I kept repeating to myself to “stay strong.” Those words came especially important to me at mile 20. I was hitting the ‘wall.’ My legs suddenly felt heavy and my pace slowed to a near walk. I thought to myself, “This is my dream, I can’t stop when I have gotten this far.”

 

Finally I saw the finish line, and I felt my legs burning and shaking. I gave it my all and collapsed at the end searching for my husband in a crowd of medics. Though I was in excruciating pain, tears of happiness flooded my face as I acknowledged that I had achieved a dream that previously seemed far out of reach: I had become a Boston qualifier.

 

Running has shaped me into the person I am today, and helped me discover my inner strength. I have overcome obstacles, and understand that consistency and determination are essential to success. My motivation to run a marathon is reflective of my drive toward becoming a physician assistant.

 

During my undergraduate education at Augustana College I was fortunate to attend a two-week medical mission trip to Nicaragua. This trip first opened my eyes to the field of medicine through participation in medical assessments, treatments, and prevention plans for patients in an underserved population. The medical mission trip allowed me to gain clinical experience in taking vitals and performing physical exams. I wrote prescriptions in Spanish and diagnosed common infectious diseases seen in third word countries from contaminated food and water, as well as common illnesses seen throughout the world.

 

It was rewarding to be able to provide healthcare to a country in need in which often lacks the resources and knowledge to cure and prevent infectious diseases. The lines of patients were endless, yet it was important that we took the time to discuss preventative health concerns, especially prevention of foodborne and waterborne illnesses that are prevalent in underserved populations. This experience provided me insight into how healthcare is beneficial and needed around the world, which influenced my motivation toward becoming a physician assistant to help those in need.

In pursuance of my goals, I became an emergency department scribe at Mary Immaculate Hospital. During this experience, I was able to see a variety of cases including patients with congestive heart failure, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and uncontrolled diabetes. I had the opportunity to follow both the physician and physician assistant throughout many patients’ cases. I contributed to the optimized health care efficiency by recording the chief complaints, physical exams, differentials, procedures, and clinical impressions. I gained an extensive medical knowledge from using medical terminology in patients’ charts, reviewing labs and radiology results, and had become familiar with the applicable health assessments and treatment plans that include appropriate prescriptions for patients.

 

During my experience in the emergency department, I observed providers taking the time to educate their patients on preventive measures to ultimately decrease patient’s visits to the hospital. This experience allowed me to see that providers show compassion for their patients’ care and wellbeing even in an emergency department setting. Charting for providers allowed me to be familiar with the physician assistant’s role as a valuable asset expediting the patient flow in the hospital and decreasing physician shortage, and has encouraged me to further pursue my studies to become a physician assistant.

 

My first marathon taught me that mental strength and perseverance are essential to reaching my goals. My experiences in Nicaragua gave me a rewarding feeling of purpose that I never want to let go. Working at Mary Immaculate allowed me to witness the role of a physician assistant, and gave me the medical knowledge that I can utilize as a healthcare professional. I have the integrity and strength to accomplish my goal of running a marathon even when it seemed out of reach, and will have that same determination and compassion to serve others in the medical profession as a physician assistant.