Revised Personal Statement. PLEASE READ & CRITIQUE

[running24]

I will never forget it was a hot, humid, typical Florida summer afternoon in the middle of June, but little did my family know that day was not going to be so typical. My mom, sisters, and I were cleaning the house and my dad was doing yard work, when all of a sudden my sister and I began to hear someone screaming. As we ran to the back window and peered out toward the sounds of the screams, I could have never prepared myself for what I was about to see. My dad was covered in flames, running to grass, falling on the ground and rolling around only for the dead grass to catch fire around him. My sister and I began to scream for my mom yelling hysterically that dad was on fire. When the paramedics arrived and saw how severe my dad’s burns were they decided he was to be airlifted two hours away to a hospital that has a state of the art burn unit. For me, it was that very experience that became my deciding factor I wanted a future profession in the healthcare field. After my dad burned himself I began to research the healthcare field to learn of the wide range of options it had to offer. I began focusing on my specific interests, talents, life goals and desires which helped me narrow my decision to physician assistant.

 

Each medical experience my family and I have gone through has further solidified my belief that I am meant to be a PA. Throughout the past couple of years I have surrounded myself by people who have taught me so much about medicine. I have been involved in surgery, wound care, and pediatrics which gave given me the opportunity to shadow alongside of a surgical and pediatric physician assistant. My shadowing experience has exposed me to the office, hospital, and wound care clinic settings allowing me to observe a variety of medical conditions and treatments.

 

Having seen a variety of age groups and medical conditions come through those office doors I have learned there are two major keys at being a great PA: compassion and communication. I enjoy observing the relationships PA’s have with their patients, the time they take to diagnose and educate, and the devotion they have to providing compassionate care. Throughout my time shadowing I have learned that compassion and communication to me is shown through listening to the patients on how they have been feeling, make a diagnosis, and to treat them to the best of my ability in order for them to get healthy again; not to just stabilize one’s health, or to dispense his/her medication.

 

Over the years I have noticed how much doctors rely on their PA’s. I enjoy having many responsibilities and making quick, challenging decisions. I am capable of forming a close, strong relationship not only with doctors and a healthcare team but with the patients as well. I know that as a physician assistant I will wake up excited to go to work every morning, and I will truly love my job. 

 

During the past few years, there have been many changes in my life, but the one thing that has not changed is my dream of becoming a physician assistant. No matter what challenge came before me I remained self-motivated throughout my college experience keeping my goal in mind in everything that I did. I made certain I was taking all required classes and meeting grade requirements while volunteering, working part time jobs and commuting two and a half hours to and from college as a student. All that I have experienced, both in and out of school, has formed me into the caring, hardworking, responsible and motivated person that I am today.

[sarahk21]

I will never forget  it was a typical hot and humid Florida summer afternoon in the middle of June, but little did my family know (,) that day was not going to be so typical. My mom, sisters, and I were cleaning the house and my dad was doing yard work, when all of a sudden my sister and I  began to hear (heard) someone screaming. As we ran to the back window and peered out toward the sounds of the screams, I could have never prepared myself for what I (saw) was about to see. My dad was covered in flames, running to grass, falling on the ground and rolling around only for the dead grass to catch fire around him. My sister and I began to scream for my mom(,) yelling hysterically that dad was on fire. When the paramedics arrived and saw how severe my dad’s burns were they decided he was (needed) to be airlifted two hours away to a hospital that has a state of the art burn unit. For me, It was that very (this) experience that became my (the) deciding factor  I wanted a future profession in the healthcare field. After my dad burned himself I began to research the healthcare field to learn of the wide range of options it had to offer. I began focusing on my specific interests, talents, life goals and desires which helped me narrow my decision to physician assistant.

*what are the medical experiences you and your family have gone through? Has there been more than your dad's accident? How has each medical experience influenced your desire to become a PA? You need to expand on what specifically about the medical field captures your interest. How were you involved in surgery, wound care and pediatrics?

Each medical experience my family and I have gone through has further solidified my belief that I am meant to be a PA. Throughout the past couple of years I have surrounded myself by (with) people who have taught me so much about medicine. I have been involved in surgery, wound care, and pediatrics which (h)ave given me the opportunity to shadow alongside of a surgical and pediatric physician assistant. My shadowing experience has exposed me to the office, hospital, and wound care clinic settings allowing me to observe a variety of medical conditions and treatments.

 

Having seen (I have had the opportunity to see) a variety of age groups and medical conditions. come through those office doors I have learned there are two major keys at being a great PA: compassion and communication. I enjoy observing the relationships PA’s have with their patients, the time they take to diagnose and educate, and the devotion they have to providing compassionate care. Throughout my time shadowing I have learned that compassion and communication to me is shown through listening to the patients on how they have been feeling, mak(ing) a diagnosis, and treat(ing) them to the best of my ability in order for them to get (be) healthy again; not to just stabilize one’s health, or to dispense his/her medication.   This sentence I highlighted needs to be completely changed.  I understand you are trying to say that PA's really listen to the patient to find the cause of the problem but this needs to be said differently. 

 

Over the years I have noticed how much doctors rely on their PA’s. I enjoy having many responsibilities and making quick, challenging decisions. I am capable of forming a close, strong relationship not only with doctors and a healthcare team but with the patients as well. I know that as a physician assistant I will wake up excited to go to work every morning, and I will truly love my job. 

 

During the past few years, there have been many changes in my life, but the one thing that has not changed is my dream of becoming a physician assistant. No matter what challenge came before me I remained self-motivated throughout my college experience keeping my goal in mind in everything that I did. I made certain I was taking all (the) required classes and meeting grade requirements while volunteering, working part time jobs and commuting two and a half hours to and from college as a student. All that I have experienced, both in and out of school, has formed me into the caring, hardworking, responsible and motivated person that I am today.

 

Overall your statement is very general. You do not explain your experiences and how they have impacted your decision to become a PA. What about your dads accident made you want to be a PA. You need to make your statement stand out. Do you have any healthcare experience that you can incorporate? 

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