PLEASE review-Personal Narrative with Cardiac Background

[cardioman]

Hi everyone, I was wondering if some of you folks on here with tough criticism and significant insight would be willing to review my personal narrative. I welcome very tough criticism and any additional help would be awesome. I feel like I have TONS of passion and a true desire to PA but I'm having a hard time trying to convey this message. I've been working on completing the requirements for the last 4 years almost going back to school and working full time. This is my VERY ROUGHT DRAFT but need to know if i'm even on the right track. Thank you for your time!

 

 

My story is not typical. I never had a dramatic life changing event take place. However, my story is from the heart and it is real. My desire to pursue the career of a PA has been the result of multiple circumstances and deep calculations. I have weighed the costs and the sacrifices to achieving my education with the bright prospects and the satisfaction I will receive through the privileges of being a PA. Through this journey I have discovered my passion and desire is to become a PA. I feel I have something to offer patients which is the ability to give heartfelt compassionate care. I truly care about what the patient is going through and struggles in their illnesses. My mission is to bring people back to health and help them solve the illnesses they are dealing with.

 

I had never heard about the PA profession until I had started my current career. Working alongside the PAs in our office, I was immediately drawn towards the profession. I also witnessed the relationships they had with their patients, the time they took to diagnose, educate, and the devotion they had to providing compassionate care. I was excited and intrigued to learn about the profession and what it entailed. I continued my career in ultrasound but could no longer deny my heart’s desire to become a PA. My curiosity of the PA profession consumed my thoughts. I spent many late nights researching the profession, discovering the scope of practice, the cost-effective care, the pivotal role in primary care, and the future need for more providers. I had many mentoring sessions with the two PAs I work with during which they would answer my long list of questions. My understanding of the profession expanded immensely from our discussions.

 

My current profession as a cardiac and vascular sonographer at __________in _________ has allowed me to be a part of a patient’s care. The more my knowledge grew, the more I knew I wanted more autonomy, responsibility, and more impact on patients lives as being a provider. Many of the physicians know my aspirations of becoming a PA and take time to sit down and teach me about practicing medicine. Through this time I have learned how to clinically examine patients through reviewing history, current illnesses, reviewing medications, performing a cardiovascular physical exam, interpreting diagnostic studies/laboratory data, and developing a treatment plan accompanied by patient education. Additionally, my current career entails me delivering care in underserved communities which has sparked a desire to continue down that road in the future. Witnessing the unsurpassable joy and appreciation expressed by patients for coming to their local communities and establishing care is incredibly fulfilling. During this service I primarily function as an assistant to the physician in every aspect which includes vitaling, reviewing medications, assessment of current illnesses, reporting patient findings and impressions to the physician, and performing cardiac ultrasounds when indicated. This role has given me a vast degree of responsibilities and clinical knowledge outside of my typical scope of practice for my profession.

 

I thoroughly enjoy my current profession. However, I feel like I was made to go higher. I know my career was an amazing opportunity that most dream to have but I feel everything I have done has led me to my goal of becoming a PA. I have pondered and thought long and hard about the benefits, risks, commitments, time, finances, and mental strain going through PA school will have on me. However, I knew my passion for becoming a PA could not be ignored. I made the decision to return to school in pursuit of my bachelor’s degree and fulfill the necessary prerequisites for PA school. There have been many challenges and sacrifices of working full-time while going to school nearly full-time.

 

_________ is a PA at our cardiovascular office who has been my mentor through my pursuits of going to PA school. It brings me joy and excitement to see her interact with her patients. She takes the time to truly listen to patients, critically evaluate their condition, and devise a treatment course. Her interactions with physicians within our office display a team approach model of delivering quality healthcare with the patient’s best interest in mind. I notice her leadership role and ability to function independently while at the same time knowing her limits and seeking advice from physicians when needed. Additionally, I had the opportunity to shadow in family medicine and urgent care. I have observed the profession requires superior communication skills, critical thinking skills, extensive medical knowledge, and collaborative teamwork. Through this experience it reinforced my desire to want to want to work in primary care and reach those in underserved communities. Bridging the gap of accessing and providing quality healthcare is a great challenge. As a PA I want to fill the gap through serving patients through quality healthcare.

 

My passion and desire is to become an exceptional PA who provides the highest quality and compassionate care for patients. I know in my heart being a PA is what I was born to be. I believe my valuable experience in cardiovascular medicine will help prepare me for PA school and future practice. My ability to work full-time and attend school nearly full-time while maintaining academic excellence proves my ability to succeed in PA school. I know I will succeed in PA school because I will not let myself fail. I look forward to working in primary care helping bridge the gap to the underserved populations. I want to be able to assess, diagnose, and treat patients while educating and empowering them to make good choice in their health. My mission is to heal people and restore them back to health.

 

 

Again, this is my VERY ROUGH DRAFT but needed to know if i'm on the right track. I already know my essay is greater than 5,000 characters and I need to make cuts. I'm struggling with the flow of the paper, does it make sense, does it convey what I'm trying to get across in my message, what do i need to add or substract, what should I focus on more....etc. I would love and appreciate any insight from the very knowledgeable people out there. Thank you!

 

[etopn23]

I don't think you should state that this essay is from the heart and real. The message you're conveying should get that across - and if it doesn't then you need to put more time into it.

 

As for the content of the essay itself, you do establish what qualities you believe a solid PA should have and what qualities you have that mirror those of said PA - that's nice. You reiterate that you have a passion for the field, the question I have is why? You really need to drive that point home. Something at some point caused you to be interested in the field. What was that? To be clear you state, "working alongside the PAs in our office, I was immediately drawn towards the profession." Can you point to a specific moment which really pulled you to the profession?

 

Also, something about the conclusion rubs me the wrong way. I think it lacks continuity? Rather than connecting an underlying foundation established in the previous paragraphs it seems like you're just selling yourself if that makes sense?

 

There also seems to be some minor vocabulary/wording issues. Some examples:

 

My current profession as a cardiac and vascular sonographer at __________in _________ has allowed me to be a part of a patient’s care.

 

During this service I primarily function as an assistant to the physician in every aspect which includes vitaling

 

There have been many challenges and sacrifices of working full-time while going to school nearly full-time.

 

If you're worried about the length of your personal statement, perhaps you should think about condensing the following with the previous paragraph:

"I thoroughly enjoy my current profession. However, I feel like I was made to go higher. I know my career was an amazing opportunity that most dream to have but I feel everything I have done has led me to my goal of becoming a PA. I have pondered and thought long and hard about the benefits, risks, commitments, time, finances, and mental strain going through PA school will have on me. However, I knew my passion for becoming a PA could not be ignored. I made the decision to return to school in pursuit of my bachelor’s degree and fulfill the necessary prerequisites for PA school. There have been many challenges and sacrifices of working full-time while going to school nearly full-time."

 

You did say this was a rough draft, and I know I'm being picky. Good luck.

[cardioman]

Hey thank you so much etopn23 for your advice.

 

I really do see what you're saying about coveying exactly what is that defining moment of why i have a passion to become a PA. I guess I kind of cut that portion out because of the limited number of characters I have to write. But I totally agree with you now that you've highlighted that point that I need to convey my true love for the PA profession and people.

 

I also agree with your thoughts on my conlcusion. I felt like it was my "last chance" to sell myself and vaguely/broadly explain why I would be an excellent PA. But know I can see that it lacks that "final punch" and summing everything up.

 

Again, thank you for your advice and taking the time out of your day to review my narrative. I greatly appreciate it!