Anyone want to give me some honest feedback??

[umin6975]

Writing about myself gives me anxiety, and I know I am not the best at it, so please please please give me some honest comments! Thanks!!

 

 

 

 

I was sitting in a hospital bed in the emergency department anxiously waiting who was going to be my doctor. I had propped my leg up on a pillow and created a barricade around it with blankets so nothing could touch it. My leg had been throbbing, but competitive gymnasts are taught to ignore pain, so I had done just that for six months. Now my leg was at the point where even a bed sheet lying over it would bring me to the brink of tears, so I was determined to make sure nothing or no one would touch it.

The funny part of all this is that I was not even in the ED for my leg, in fact I had no intention of asking them to look at my leg because I knew it was broken. I was in the ED because I had hurt my back from falling off of the balance beam, and my mother insisted I go to the hospital. I was ten years old, and very well aware of the type of injuries that could be obtained in gymnastics, so every time I felt pain I ignored it in order to avoid any doctor telling me that I need to take a break from the sport that I loved. I was confident that my leg would not become an issue during this visit.

Then a man walked in and introduced himself as a physician assistant. As soon as I heard the word ‘assistant,’ I thought, “oh good, he is not even a real doctor so I can get away with the leg.” Obviously I had no idea of what a PA was at that age because I was wrong, very wrong, and this PA immediately determined I had a severe stress fracture in my left tibia that resembled a piece of Swiss cheese. I was comforted by his empathetic nature and the time he spent listening to what I wanted and what I did not want. Looking back, his patience was astounding to me and so was his determination to make sure that I left the ED feeling satisfied with the medical advice he had given me. The PA even managed to talk me into wearing an orthopedic boot, which was an enormous feat on his part.

He was the first PA of the many different physician assistants and physicians that I saw for my injuries from gymnastics over the years. I was in and out of doctor offices, and most visits were with a PA. I felt that the PA took more time to understand my love of gymnastics and refusal to give into being sidelined for an injury. They would even take the time to explain x-rays, tests, treatments, and medications to me. It was something I truly appreciated when I was younger, which later on influenced my own desire to enter into the medical field. Even after all my visits with PA’s, I still did not fully grasp their role in the medical field. As far as I knew as a kid, physician assistants were just doctors with a longer title. It was not until high school that I was fully able to comprehend what a physician assistant was.

Growing up only meant that my enthusiasm for medicine and the biological sciences grew. When I was in high school, I participated in a clinical rotations class in order to better explore the medical field. I started shadowing in nursing homes, pre-op/post-op, the emergency department, orthopedics, and medical-surgery. I also became a CNA, so I saw what it was like to take care of patients. It was during this time that I worked in the nursing home and the medical-surgery floor that I discovered my passion for caring for patients. The bed baths, teeth brushing, taking vitals, and conversations with the patients struck a chord with me, and I began looking forward to caring for the patients every day. I discovered how some patients simply wanted someone to talk to, and it was the smile on a patient’s face that made every bit of it worthwhile. I was young, but after going through the experiences of clinical rotations and a CNA, I knew that I wanted to be a healthcare provider.

I started realizing that a PA was the perfect role for me when I shadowed a PA in the emergency department and in internal medicine. Jennifer Cobb, the PA for an internal medicine practice, exhibited discipline, devotion, and empathy that were needed to be a PA. Her incredible amount of physical and mental endurance was enthralling as well as her ability to understand and connect with every patient. These qualities gave Jennifer the capability to provide optimum care to her patients and not only did Jennifer’s abilities resonate with my own, but they also put the role of the PA into perspective.

I entered college knowing exactly what my goal was going to be. I wanted to be a physician assistant. I shadowed when I could, and I even took a winter break job, in which, I converted medical charts to an electronic system in a medical office. I also took anatomy with a cadaver dissection. It was the most stimulating class I had ever taken, but it was also one of the hardest classes. I went to the dissection lab everyday that semester and studied each of the eight cadavers. Dissecting the human body was a delicate process that taught me respect and appreciation for human beings.

My motivation to become a physician assistant unknowingly started in my childhood, and after having the opportunities to explore the medical field, I was able to discover that a physician assistant is everything that I want to be and everything that I believe in. I have been privileged to lead a good life, a healthy life, and a life where I can easily access great medical care. I have a passion and a great amount of respect for medicine and the human being, and I want nothing more than to use this profession this to give others a chance at the same things that I had growing up.

Since graduating I have recently obtained a job as a nurse’s aid again and continued volunteering in a hospital. It has been a long road for me to discover my love for the role of a PA, and the application process over the last few years has been brutal, but it has only strengthened by desire to pursue this career. Ever since I decided that I wanted to be a physician assistant I have never wavered from this path, and I never intend to.

[andrea.moe]

I like your essay. I think it is strong in communicating your understanding of the role of a PA. It gives a good picture of who you are and the path that has led you to PA school. There are some grammatical changes I would make. For exmaple, in the first sentence I would add 'anxiously waiting TO SEE who was going..' or something of that sort. I think now you just need to spend some time making some changes to refine it, but overall I think the material is strong.

[umin6975]

Thank you for the feedback!! Over the last few days I have actually been fixing it and rewriting it, so here is the revised/edited version. Let me know your thoughts! Please and thank you!

 

 

A man walked into my room and introduced himself as a physician assistant. As soon as I heard the word ‘assistant,’ I thought, “oh good, he is not even a real doctor so I can get away with the leg.” Obviously I had no idea what a PA was at that age because I was wrong. I was ten years old and well aware of the potential injuries that a gymnast could suffer. However, this PA immediately determined I had a severe stress fracture in my left tibia that resembled a piece of ‘Swiss cheese.’ That was his way of describing how big the hole in my bone was. I was comforted by his empathetic nature and the time he spent listening to what I did and did not want. His patience was astounding as was his determination to make sure that I left feeling satisfied with his medical advice.

He was the first PA of many that I saw for my injuries from gymnastics over the years. I was in and out of doctor offices and most visits were with a PA, which I came to prefer because the PA’s took more time to understand my love of gymnastics and refusal to give in to being sidelined for an injury. They would always take the time to explain things to me. It was something I appreciated when I was younger, and later on influenced my own desire to enter into the medical field. However, after all my visits with PA’s, I still did not fully grasp their role in the medical field. As far as I knew, physician assistants were just doctors with a longer title. It was not until high school that I was able to comprehend what a physician assistant was.

My enthusiasm for medicine and the biological sciences only grew stronger as I grew older. When I was in high school, I participated in a Clinical Rotations class in order to better explore the medical field. I started shadowing and became a CNA in order to experience patient care. I began looking forward to caring for the patients, and I realized how powerful empathy was. I discovered how some patients simply wanted someone to talk to, and it was the smile on the patient’s face that made it worthwhile.

I will never forget the first time I made a patient smile because I was sixteen years old, and it was the first time that I gave a patient a shower without supervision. The elderly woman that I was caring for resented me from the start, and the entire time I bathed her she was yelling profanity at me. I never would have thought that my first time bathing a patient was going to consist of hostility. I tried to make everything more pleasant as I continued, and then out of nowhere the patient started crying. She had lost control of her bowel movements in the shower, and the room started flooding. I had never felt so bad for someone before in my life. The patient quietly whispered a sorry, and I held her hand for a second to assure her that everything was okay and that I would take care of her.

She was humiliated, and I wanted to cry for her because looking around the room and at the patient, I realized that no one would want this. Nobody would want to be in a position in which they have to be taken care and could no longer do anything for themselves. Her only response to me was a smile. I understood now why empathy is a healthcare provider’s most important quality. The experience helped me to understand the importance of empathy as a healthcare provider as well as allow me to recognize it as my most natural strength.

I realized that a PA was the perfect role for me when I shadowed Jennifer Cobb, a PA for an internal medicine practice. She exhibited discipline, devotion, and empathy with each patient. Her incredible amount of physical and mental endurance was enthralling as well as her ability to understand and connect with every patient. These qualities gave Jennifer the capability to provide optimum care to her patients and not only did Jennifer’s abilities resonate with my own, but they also put the role of the PA into perspective.

Knowing I wanted to be a PA, I purposefully attended a college that offered anatomy with a cadaver dissection lab. It was the most stimulating class I had ever taken, but it was also one of the most challenging classes. I went to the dissection lab everyday that semester and studied each cadaver until I could identify everything. Dissecting cadavers was a delicate process that further fostered my respect and appreciation for the human body.

It has been a long road for me to discover my love for the role of a physician assistant. My motivation unknowingly began in my childhood and continued as I explored the medical field. I have an unshakable passion for medicine and the human being, and I want to share my compassion and empathetic nature with patients. The application process over the last few years has been brutal, but it has only confirmed my desire to pursue this path. A career as a PA embodies everything I want to be and believe in. Ever since I decided that I wanted to be a PA I have never wavered from this path, and I never intend to.

[andrea.moe]

Excellent revisions!

[umin6975]

Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it!