Feeling completely lost - Any help appreciated

[Iteration]

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[camha92]

Here's my advice:

 

you talk about the boston marathon bombing. It is interesting and it caught me attention. But how ddid this experience cemented your desire to become a PA, how did this experience make you become a better provider. Yes, you mentioned that you were apart of it, but make that CONNECTION to the points I mentioned above. otherwise, it's just a space filler. I can definitely see some ways you link the two ideas, I'll leave that up to you. be creative!

 

Your third paragraph talks about how your dad is an accountant unhappy with his job. You want a job that you're passionate about. Valid point, but keep in mind, you don't want to be negative and talk down a profession. I get a feeling that someone who who is an accountant would be offended. Something to consider, but yes, talk more about how and why PA is a good fit for you. 

 

We don't need to hear about how you did research on the PA profession over the internet, you're expected to, right? Again, talk about why PA and the field of EM interest you. Yes, it's fast pace, but is there more!? Here's your chance to impress PA programs focused in EM. You talk about lateral mobility and working in different settings, that's good! what else?

 

Here's where the meat lies in your essay-your ED experience. Talk more, but stay focused in the paragraph. I had a feeling that you were just mentioning things at the top of your head. I think you should dedicate more paragraphs on your ED experience. You talk to your patients-about what? Give us something to visualize. Avoiding bumps on the road might be a little too trivial and I think you can take that out, haha. 

 

From that, I think you will be able to draw on more things to talk about/ summarize in your conclusion.

 

I think this is a good start. It looks like you have an outline to work with and now, your focus should be on content. Your writing mechanics is also good, so once you get good content, you're set. Remember, a good essay takes multiple drafts. Best of luck to you!