Final-ish Draft! welcoming any and all help plz :)

[eniale]

I have posted my first draft before, but didn't get any responses! I am hoping that you can help me with my final-ish draft :)

Again, do I need to state that names have been changed? Thanks so much in advance!

 

 

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Mr. Hughes was one of my favorite patients. On his better days, he was a jolly man with a booming voice, and I could hear him from the elevator before he even stepped foot into the office. We would warmly greet each other and discuss his daughter’s wedding plans while I prepared him for retinal treatment. But this was not one of his better days. My doctor, an ophthalmologist, informed him that he had developed neovascular glaucoma due to his diabetes.  Mr. Hughes was now completely blind, with no chance at recovering vision. He would not be able to see his daughter get married.

 

Wasn’t there more that we could do? We collected every test, every blood panel work up, every image – there was just no changing his visual outcome. I began to sheepishly apologize, but he stopped me straightaway. Tearfully, he said, “Elaine, thank you for your compassionate care. You have no idea how much of a help you have been for me.”

 

Mr. Hughes’ situation deeply motivated me to pursue a career as a physician assistant (PA) because I wanted to do more. Though working with low-vision patients was standard practice at my office, he could have significantly reduced the risk of losing eyesight if he had better diabetes management. In order to provide compassionate care that made a bigger impact, I would need to be on the diagnostic end of medicine. With proper training and further education, I would be able to help many patients upstream of potentially disastrous health outcomes.

 

Of course, wanting to make a difference in someone’s life has always been a part of me.  I had a strong attraction to science, an investigative personality, and a desire help people - originally, being a doctor seemed to be the only fitting direction to take. However, as an undergraduate, I became disenchanted with the job prospect. I realized that the traditional physician-patient relationship is becoming increasingly handicapped as more stringent policies arise. The unavoidable paradigm shift from quality-based to value-based healthcare is something that I do not endorse. Moreover, my early struggles with college academics taught me that I am most successful in things that I am truly passionate about. In order to stay fulfilled, I turned to seek a position that would have more interaction with the most important part of medicine – the patient.

 

When comparing the profession of a physician vs PA, I recognized three appealing distinctions. Firstly, the lateral mobility of the job means I can explore a variety of specialties and avoid complacency in an every changing field. Secondly, I could utilize the flexible freedom of a PA to accomplish both professional and personal goals, which include having a family. Most importantly, PAs often have more time to spend with patients to educate them about their health. This distinction is noteworthy, as I believe holistic health prevention is equally as important as the practice of medicine itself. After all, overall lifestyle changes are meant to be supplemented with prescribed medication, not vice versa. With more time for direct patient contact, I aspire to be an efficient healthcare provider without sacrificing quality medical care.

 

Following my encounter with Mr. Hughes, I started shadowing Theresa, a PA who practices in a primary care clinic dedicated to the underprivileged. Here, I met non-English speaking immigrants with limited access to healthcare. With authoritative patience, Theresa would firmly counsel them until they understood their diagnosis and management plan. She commanded a respect that was admired by both the patients and I, while simultaneously exuding an aura of comfort. She imparted upon me that every patient deserves the full extent of our abilities, because those in need of our empathy are least likely to receive it.  I admired the fluid efficiency of this clinic, which was maintained by the collaboration of all its clinicians.  Like Theresa, I work best in a team environment in which I can be a key provider of care. I aim to give the same type of security and attention to my future patients. Through this experience, I was able to grasp the fine details of the position and solidify my decision to follow this calling.

 

There are thousands, millions of patients out there in critical medical situations that require assistance, and I want to make an impactful difference. I’ve been a science nerd, a volunteer, and a medical assistant - all of these experiences have collectively edged me forward to declare this vocation as my true passion. I wholeheartedly wish to accept the role of a Physician Assistant, and become a facilitator and practitioner of compassionate care. I want to assist in disease management, and inspire patients to take an avid and active role in their health. Because if I had been able to work with Mr. Hughes prior to his ocular complications, I firmly believe he would be watching his daughter say “I do” through tears of joy, instead of indistinct blurry shadows.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[jeniru]

The only thing I would tweak is the comment about being disenchanted with the physician-patient relationship and its policies.  You will be under those same policies so be careful to explain exactly what you are disenchanted with.  Since you will be in a role very similar to that of the physician, it could come across wrong.   I understand where you are coming from and know that it is possible for PA's to spend more time with their patients and you do state that.  Where would you work to get away from those policies?  I would just word it differently.  

[eniale]

The only thing I would tweak is the comment about being disenchanted with the physician-patient relationship and its policies.  You will be under those same policies so be careful to explain exactly what you are disenchanted with.  Since you will be in a role very similar to that of the physician, it could come across wrong.   I understand where you are coming from and know that it is possible for PA's to spend more time with their patients and you do state that.  Where would you work to get away from those policies?  I would just word it differently.  

 

Thank you for your suggestion! I will make a note of that :)