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Rip it to shreds if you must!! I need your help!!!

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My experience in healthcare has taught me that it isn’t what you prescribe or diagnose, it is how you do those things. Your mannerisms determine reactions and could be the difference between saving a life and turning someone off from healthcare completely. Having experienced both sides of the medical field, I want nothing more than to be able to provide medical and emotional support to patients. Working with patients is a gift, and being able to help people transform their life and let them continue to do the activities they love is the greatest gift of all. Working as an intern in an orthopedic office showed me that. I was able to watch the interactions between patients and physicians, nurse practitioners, and physician assistants. While each treats patients, they do have subtle differences. I choose to be a physician assistant because I have witnessed the guidance they are willing to give, and going out of their way to treat their patient as a person. With more demands being placed on the physicians, the PAs get to have more quality one-on-one time with the patients – something that attracts me immensely to this field. I enjoy the autonomy this profession allows with the ability to ask for help when needed, and having the capability to change specialties if desired. Having come from a rural town, going out of the way to see a proper physician was normal. It allowed me to see the necessity for that particular commodity. Physician assistants help bridge that gap in rural communities. It gives people the opportunity to have a better life for themselves and their children.

After disappointing results from the first cycle applying, I took some time to reevaluate myself. I made phone calls to know what I need to improve on and made those necessary adjustments. I know now I was not ready to embark on that precious journey, but having accumulated over 450 more hours of healthcare experience I know this is exactly the profession I need to be in. Although I knew I wanted to be a PA before the first application cycle, having patients tell me what a great job I would do, how I was in their prayers, and wishing me the best of luck reminded me why I wanted to become one. Every case I saw became personal and I wanted to understand all I could. My desire to help became a need I had to fulfill.

My ability to care has aided in me becoming an effective leader. However, my traits as a leader go much deeper than that. Without compassion, we can’t see the root of the problem, we just see the problem. My compassion, love for life and others, and ability to communicate make me an individual that others respond positively to. Due to my loving and compassionate side, I work to understand the struggles of others, so that I can more effectively assist them and provide them the leadership and direction they desire. My characteristics as a leader make me someone who will be a benefit to any PA program and will make me a contributing member to society in the medical profession.


Embarking on this path is not one taken lightly. Many hours are spent outside of the office researching and staying current on medical discoveries. The decision to become a physician assistant is one I have researched for years. Even still, my pursuit of knowledge and competitiveness to be the best that I can be in all I put my mind to, makes me an ideal leader in the medical profession. As a physician assistant, I will never settle for the status quo. I will always strive to improve, because doing the minimum doesn’t cut it. As a physician assistant, I will be faced with challenges and sacrifices to attain this goal. I cannot wait to accept these challenges head on, knowing I will meet them with compassion and sensitivity and deliver the absolute best healthcare experience.

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Just a couple little things...

I dont like the use of 'your' in a personal statement.. I think there are much stronger ways to phrase that sentence.

You have several run-on sentences. Try to include some commas or break the sentences into smaller ones.

I think you need to describe the term 'intern.' It is confusing because you never describe what you're actually doing, and in medicine an intern is generally a first year resident which you are not.

Is health care really a commodity? I don't think this is what you mean.

You say 'physician assistants bridge the gap'... then turn around and say 'it' . you should say 'they' because you are talking about people, not the profession of a physician assistant.

I think it's kind of odd that over the whole year between application cycles you only gained 450 more hours of experience, I honestly wouldn't even include that number since it doesn't even compare to a full year of working full time (around 2,000 hours) which many re-applicants do.

"aided in me," and "provide them the leadership" are weak, if not grammatically incorrect phrases.

You say that you're loving and caring and a great leader but don't back up any of these traits with concrete evidence. This sounds like a politician's speech where no real facts are thrown down and the language is rather empty. Try to provide examples from your life, or a specific anecdote from an interaction with a patient to show who you are, instead of just tell the AdComs. "Embarking on this path is not one taken lightly" this is just not a sentence.

I think the use of contractions is sloppy in something as important as this essay.

Honestly, I know nothing about who you are from this essay, besides that you have bad grammar. Everything else you say is cliche and not backed with any evidence. I really think you need to get some help from an English major friend to restructure your grammar, and try to think of actual experiences you've had with patients.

I'm really sorry to be harsh but this needs serious work. The Purdue Owl has great grammar tips that could help you.

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