First draft of Personal Statement. Please critique heavily!

[gducky5]

A quick preface: I am 23 years old with a 3.3 cumulative GPA in Biology and around 3.75-3.80 science prerequisites GPA for my top 2 school choices. I didn't include all of the community service in my essay as I will address these in the rest of my application. Please critique away!

 

 

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As I gripped my cart of IV fluids, I traveled up the hospital for my evening refills. It was my first week as a pharmacy technician at the hospital and I became anxious as to what my future held upon graduation. An alarm wailed as I set foot off the elevator, “Attention, Code Blue on South-9.” Though I knew what a code was, I set my cart in the medication room and peered over the crowd of nurses, respiratory therapists and other staff. Bryan, the Physician Assistant for the evening’s shift, began to conduct the staff as a maestro. Ordering the removal of the patient’s clothes, intubation, and pushing of IV fluids, Bryan had contained the urgency of the moment because of his resolve.

 

This was my first experience observing a PA in real-time. A little shaken, I thought of the flurry of activity I had witnessed for the duration of my shift. Working in pharmacies played a relatively indirect role in providing patient contact. The breadth of my patient knowledge included: First name, last name, height/weight and allergies. In the patient’s room however, I saw a face, body, and even a terrified wife. Though the work I performed in the pharmacy was honest and the people I worked with were friendly, I was not truly fulfilled. An almost haunting mantra established itself that day which implored, “I want more than this”.

 

Throughout my years as an undergrad I knew that whatever type of professional I needed to become, it would require growth in all areas of my mind. While most students found their desired niche in college, I participated in various areas of student life. For two years, I dedicated my efforts as a drum major for our university’s marching band. During this time, I was expected to communicate instructions clearly and solve problems quickly. Acting as a liaison between band directors and students, I catered to students on an individual basis while assisting our directors with rehearsals by conducting and adjusting marching formations. This experience greatly improved my abilities to resolve issues within a team-based experience.

 

Involvement within the student senate allowed for a larger spectrum of student-service than marching band alone. As chairman of the committee on academics, I spearheaded an initiative for grade-return reform, which would ensure students a reasonable turnover for grades. I collaborated with a team of other students on a weekly basis in order to draft legislation worthy of student-body representation. Though at times debate with administrators and faculty was sometimes intimidating, I was able to effectively communicate the concerns of students with the help of my committee. The end-result was a grade-return policy implemented by one of the colleges on campus. These interactions taught me that true leadership requires passion for those you are meant to serve.

 

After witnessing Bryan’s performance on South-9, I reflected on the experiences I had in my two roles of leadership and student service. Steadily, I noticed an overlap between his interactions with the staff and my own with the student body.

 

I researched the PA profession and what it entails. The more I discovered about the profession and those involved, the more I became drawn in. Although my earlier career as an undergraduate was peppered with mediocre grades, I forgave myself for being unbalanced and shifted my priorities immediately. I fell in love with my coursework and prerequisites, despite their challenging nature. I tutored my classmates in Physiology and Cellular Biology and proved to myself that I was capable of mastering difficult material. During this time I gained great empathy for people that I did not know I had within. I became increasingly convinced I was becoming the person I was meant to be.

 

I pressed on. I hungered for ways to extend myself in a patient-contact atmosphere and was able to enroll in a nursing assistant course while also securing a shadowing opportunity at the local wound-care clinic. Christy Hale PA-C, had completely blown my mind within the first few hours of patient visits at the clinic. While educating her patients in both Spanish and English, she demonstrated her confidence in medicine and the desire to see her patients’ problems through. What seemed most authentic about Christy, as well as other PAs I had spoken with, was their friendliness and beaming personality.

 

PAs serve as ambassadors to the many issues that face health care today, and do so with an unassuming approach. They ameliorate the heavy patient loads of clinics with their skill and empower the teams they belong to with their tact. Throughout my self-discovery, I have determined I belong to these tenets of medicine.

 

The patient on South-9 like many patients who experience a code, did not survive the incident. The instance however, as unfortunate as it was, gave me an opportunity to be courageous. It allowed me to consider this: To truly become myself, I must become a PA.

[patachok]

I think the essay is good, however too long (make sure it is ~500 words or whatever the guidelines are). Also, unless you specifically asked and gained permission to use real names of PAs, I would not use anything that can identify people. :)

Good luck!

[atheaslet]

caspa says 5000 characters, I copied and pasted on an online counter and another word counter and its just under. But I agree with you on all other counts. If you wanted to use the name another way to keep it more anonymous would be to omit South-9. But it is safe just to not use names.

[atheaslet]

caspa says 5000 characters, I copied and pasted on an online counter and another word counter and its just under. But I agree with you on all other counts. If you wanted to use the name another way to keep it more anonymous would be to omit South-9. But it is safe just to not use names.

[Kim235]

"It allowed me to consider this: To truly become myself, I must become a PA."

I feel like this line is cliche and I would try to come up with something else. Overall I think it's pretty good and I like the intro.