Rough Draft-Appreciate your time

[Dawnlee]

First,

 

I would like to thank you for your help!! This is my rough draft and any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Also, I have left blank spaces where identifying information was at. I chose it as an extra precaution for any previous or current clients that I work with or have worked with. Again thank your for taking the time out of your day to help me improve this draft.

 

Seldom do we find that each thread from the chapters of our life come together to form a remarkable tapestry. How does a clinical psychology graduate student specializing in neuropsychology, finds herself deciding to become a physician's assistant? I was diagnosed with congenital nystagmus and strabismus when I was less than one year old. I continued to work with physicians up until less than a year ago. I have undergone two surgeries and I have learned that I am one of the fortunate two to three percent that can drive and function normally. I know what it is like to be a patient and how vulnerable it can be, but it has given me a greater empathy for those needing medical treatment. Seven years ago I was a certified nursing assistant providing care to the geriatric population and two years ago I was providing substance abuse counseling to the military. Currently, I am studying traumatic brain injury (TBI) in my classes as well as providing TBI assessments and counseling at the ___________ Center.

 

For the past two years my classes provided a mental health model for assessing and counseling clients. However, when I began taking my neuropsychology classes my career goals changed. I delved into courses involving neuroanatomy, psychopharmacology, organic brain impairment and neuropsychological assessment. I recognized that my interests became focused on providing medical intervention for clients, as opposed to psychological intervention. Providing assessments and counseling at __________ Center, a medically based facility, has furthered my understanding of normal cerebral anatomy, physiology, as well as the pathological and recuperative responses that result from trauma. Furthermore, this position has given me the opportunity to work alongside physicians, physical therapists, and other rehabilitative specialists. I found that researching the Circle of Willis became more interesting than researching therapeutic interventions for borderline personality disorder. While I always had a great interest in anatomy and physiology, my neuropsychology courses and the experiences gained at ___________ Center piqued my interests. I realized that this was where my career passion lay and that my initial interest emerged at the age of sixteen.

 

At that time I was providing personal hygiene, activities of daily living, dietary and post mortem care as a nurse aide. As an adolescent I learned how demanding being a nurse aide can be physically, but also how mentally taxing the loss of a patient can be. Although there were challenges, I gained multiple grandparents, I was a part of team, my medical knowledge grew, and my ability to handle emergency situations well, was rewarding. Five years later as a counseling intern at the________ Clinic and the Methadone clinic of _________ I was faced with different challenges. I listened to stories of soldiers coming home from Afghanistan with PTSD, and those who were struggling with opiate addiction because of an injury in combat. The stories were numerous and sorrowful, and my eyes were opened to the fact that addiction is an ongoing challenge for many Americans. After working with the geriatric population and substance abuse issues in the military population, I felt that I needed to more fully understand psychological disorders such as depression and PTSD.

 

Although I have studied clinical psychology and my passion is to become a physician assistant, I have other interests that motivate me. Volunteering is something that I find relaxing and fulfilling, and it ties to my final goal. I have volunteered for Special Olympics, the Community Outreach Center of __________, as well as organizing a walk for Juvenile Diabetes in _________. Working in the community has given me a connection to people and a better understanding of undeserved areas. There are counties in every state that are in dire need for medical providers, but the care is not there, and the waiting lists are long.

 

It is my goal to work as a physician assistant in an underserved county. More specifically, it is my goal to work as a primary care physician assistant, not only because that is where the need is, but that is what I find fulfilling. Every experience and opportunity that I have been provided with has led to this decision. I am truly excited to become the professional person that I can be through the hard work and training that lies ahead of me.

[patachok]

I think it mighty too long (have to cut it by like 200 words). Also, your last paragraph might be looked at with suspicion. Unless there is one or two school you are applying to, and only them, and they focus only on primary care medicine, you should get rid of it. It is great that you want to go into primary care, but wait till you go through clinicals. You HAVE to be open minded.

Another thing is: i am more convinced that you are interested in psychology or neuropsychology, vs becoming a PA. Do not see the connection. In general, I do not see a reason that why you decided to become a PA.

 

Good luck in the application process!

[Dawnlee]

I appreciate your feedback. I most definelty don't want to come across that I am more interested in psychology. Should I take some of the information about my classes out? I was simply trying to show that some of my classes are heavily focused on anatomy and physiology. I feel that my mental health background will allow me to empathize with my clients and to recognize psychological distress. I'm not trying to say that a PA cannot, but I'm trying to bridge those together. Any suggestions?

[scparker]

You use "Physician's Assistant" in the first paragraph. Correct it! :)

[patachok]

There are two sentences that are misleading, and I think put a wrong focus on your PS:

While I always had a great interest in anatomy and physiology, my neuropsychology courses and the experiences gained at ___________ Center piqued my interests. I realized that this was where my career passion lay and that my initial interest emerged at the age of sixteen.

AND

After working with the geriatric population and substance abuse issues in the military population, I felt that I needed to more fully understand psychological disorders such as depression and PTSD.

 

May be rework paragraph 4.

Also, I am sure you have heard this advice before: show your PS to as many people as you can (school adviser, writing center, friends, relatives, family). Do not be afraid of the critique, it will ultimately do you good. Trust me... :)

[7.62mm]

I just ran your essay through a service that checks format and for plagiarism. The only thing in your content I didn't like is calling patients clients, I'm not sure about it it sounds business like and not medical.