SungSam Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 So I should start out by pointing out that I'm male. Soon I'll be marrying my long time girlfriend who is a PA. I've recently been accepted to 4 PA programs that I'm having a very tough time choosing between, 3 of which are two years in length while the best of the schools is three years. She is 32 and very nervous about my not finishing school until she's 36 because we would like to start a family. So I suppose the question to everyone is... Is it possible for us to have a child while I'm in school. She having done PA school thinks there is no way I'll have any free time, but I think it might be ideal to do during the first year which is supposed to be fairly light at the 3 year program. Any thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator rev ronin Posted December 23, 2012 Administrator Share Posted December 23, 2012 You never have enough time or money to have kids. We had a couple of the men have new kids during our program; their wives managed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just_me Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 I have seen it....I will say its better that you're the student and not her:wink: School is hard enough without having to vomit/cry/binge eat/wobble through 9 months of it, although I think some of us did that anyway lol:;-D: As a mom, I would say its probably best (I mean if you guys are certain and deadset) that you have the baby the first year as opposed to the second. I say this because during the clinical year, our program can have us out of town a lot...I would have hated for my guy to be gone. Even though didactic is super busy, at least I know he would be in town incase something pops up.....or out lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 Thoughts you ask... WAIT! Holy cow you haven't even gotten married yet. Get through a couple of years of marriage, get through the stress of school...enjoy each other before adding more distraction in your life than you will ever expect. 36 is still plenty young to have kids. So is 38 or 40. No need to rush to reproduce Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just_me Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 The "need to rush" may not be the fact that they may have been together 5+ years already (afterall, the OP never said how long long term actually is), it might be the fact that increased maternal age has been shown to be a risk factor for birth defects. As a woman, I can certainly understand this.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Steve Posted December 23, 2012 Share Posted December 23, 2012 The "need to rush" may not be the fact that they may have been together 5+ years already (afterall, the OP never said how long long term actually is), it might be the fact that increased maternal age has been shown to be a risk factor for birth defects. As a woman, I can certainly understand this.... 1. They asked for opinion, I gave mine. It's not like I am cramming unsolicited advice down their throat. I really don't care if they have been dating for ten years. Marriage, plus PA school, plus baby is a wicked amount of stress. They want to get married for some reason. My guess is there is an aspect of their relationship that they want to explore further. My vote is to explore that aspect before complicating it. Yes, children are lovely but they do complicate life. Granted, the OP got picked by four PA schools so he is no slacker but I still say "enjoy your time with your new bride for awhile." 2. Advanced maternal age has been pushed back condsiderbly. When my wife became pregnant at 38 with our first child we were initially nervous. We were quickly educated and relieved to find that age has a less and less factor in things assuming relative maternal health. When my wife became pregnant with twins at 41, things were no different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator rev ronin Posted December 23, 2012 Administrator Share Posted December 23, 2012 No need to rush to reproduce http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14560893 http://www.babycenter.com/0_chart-the-effect-of-age-on-fertility_6155.bc Looking at the bottom line on the second chart, you should be able to see what the concern is--not a precipitous decline in fertility rates, which are still relatively strong at that point, but a rise in infertility rates, which are roughly doubling every 5 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator LT_Oneal_PAC Posted December 23, 2012 Moderator Share Posted December 23, 2012 Just had my first child two weeks before finals. Didn't kill me, but it probably made me get a B in anatomy (haven't gotten the grade yet) when I should have had an A. Can it be done, sure. I have tons of High quality HCE and are taking many of these first semester courses for a second time (from a different degree). You may want to start school to see if you can hack it first. I'd hate to be my classmates struggling to stay afloat. This would be the final nail. I'm also lucky that I have a home maker wife. No job, no other concerns than the home. She usually lets me sleep the night away and takes care of everything. Now that I'm on break though and helping, I'm exhausted. Can't imagine feeling like this and going to class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SungSam Posted December 23, 2012 Author Share Posted December 23, 2012 I appreciate all of the feedback. As far as the need to rush goes we've been together for a while. We've been living as if we were married for a number of years. We decided that we would get married when we were ready to have kids, or when it made sense for tax purposes. The reality is the marriage certificate won't make our lifestyle any different, it would just afford us rights and convenience that we would like while being parents. The real concern is her age. If we she got pregnant tomorrow we would have our first child when shes 33. The concern is that both her mother and sister reached menopause as 40. She on the other hand is in remarkable shape. She's a ten time triathlete who is the head of nutrition for a huge GI group. My concern is putting too much stress on her at such a difficult time in any womens life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just_me Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 1. They asked for opinion, I gave mine Well duh I know that silly goose, but does that mean I cant reply to you and add a different viewpoint?. It's not like I am cramming unsolicited advice down their throat Didnt say you were. I really don't care if they have been dating for ten years. Marriage, plus PA school, plus baby is a wicked amount of stress. They want to get married for some reason. My guess is there is an aspect of their relationship that they want to explore further. My vote is to explore that aspect before complicating it. Yes, children are lovely but they do complicate life. Granted, the OP got picked by four PA schools so he is no slacker but I still say "enjoy your time with your new bride for awhile.Uh not gonna comment on everything else, those were really the main things I wanted to say :-) . Oh except, after 10 years of dating and living with someone, its kinda hard to enjoy anything new about them :;;D: 2. Advanced maternal age has been pushed back condsiderbly. When my wife became pregnant at 38 with our first child we were initially nervous. We were quickly educated and relieved to find that age has a less and less factor in things assuming relative maternal health. When my wife became pregnant with twins at 41, things were no different. As for comment 2, my genetics lecturers would beg to differ with whomever educated you and your wife, but to each his/her own. Maternal age has not been pushed back that far to where its not a concern and as developing providers, we both know that family history plays a significant role. We can't simply assume that others will have the same out come as we do, good or bad. PS I am certainly not trying to take anything away from your personal situation.....I am VERY glad that things worked out so well for you and your wife :=D: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just_me Posted December 24, 2012 Share Posted December 24, 2012 In the end, it's truly up to her. I know you are both in this together but she will carry a lot of the weight--so if she doesnt think she can handle it, the you guys definitely shouldnt. She will be plus sized hormonal basket case for 40 weeks, she will most likely be the one handling late night feedings, home all day with the crying baby...so on and so forth. She needs to think about if she plans to work, if you guys will have a local support system and all of that. To be honest, if it were me, I couldnt handle it if my family werent around. I had a hard enough time handling a teen by myself and going through school, but I think it would have been just as hard if my hubby was in school...I had a baby and nobody around but him and me. My program gave us a buddy....someone in the class ahead to go to for advice and such. He and his wife had their first during didactic Ill send him a link to this post and maybe he can give you some advice. I appreciate all of the feedback. As far as the need to rush goes we've been together for a while. We've been living as if we were married for a number of years. We decided that we would get married when we were ready to have kids, or when it made sense for tax purposes. The reality is the marriage certificate won't make our lifestyle any different, it would just afford us rights and convenience that we would like while being parents. The real concern is her age. If we she got pregnant tomorrow we would have our first child when shes 33. The concern is that both her mother and sister reached menopause as 40. She on the other hand is in remarkable shape. She's a ten time triathlete who is the head of nutrition for a huge GI group. My concern is putting too much stress on her at such a difficult time in any womens life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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