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How is everyone? Part 2


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How is everyone doing physically and mentally? My anxiety has got worse and been having depressive mood swings.  I have difficulty going out in public because the anxiety wants me to be alone and not seeing people. I don't want to come off as a loner but seeing families remind me of the patients I lost over the years. All the families I have had to tell there family member died. It gets too you. I am having a hard time after a few recent ones like a pediatric PE, a pediatric drowning, a grandfather stroke and arrest enroute, and a mother obstructed after a out of hospital seizure. It really hurts to see all these normal families and trying not to see the families that you had to give the worst news ever too. I am getting therapy but it's rough. I am get up and go to work knowing that I can still save people and help them but it still gets to me sometimes. How are you guys/gals doing?  

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It's rough out there, friend. Working in rural hospitals, the main issue is the impossibility of arranging an emergent transfer for anything. I sent a patient with ascending cholangitis and sepsis THREE states away recently to the nearest facility with an available GI doc to do ERCP. It took 27 hrs to arrange the transfer We are having trouble transferring STEMIs and traumas. It is ugly and demoralizing, in fact it contributes a lot to moral injury/burnout. Someone asked me how work is these days. I sent them this:

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

(First portion of a poem by Yeats)

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