How is everyone?

[ChrisPAinED]

Hi everyone. 

I recently have been suffering with worsening anxiety and depression. I had to take some time off getting help. I am still not improving alot but I am starting work again tonight in the ED. I am quite sure that I just need distractions and I think I am going to be able to control my mental health conditions more at work. How have you guys and gals been? 

[turnedintoamartian]

I had a panic attack out of seemingly nowhere just over a year ago. Took a solid 6 months or more to really not be worried about having another. It took longer to feel back to my prior baseline. 
 

It was a reaction to stress but it was very surprising. 
 

I wish you the best of luck. I was on an SSRI for about 9 months and then taper off. It helped with anxiety and I will go back to it if need be in the future.

[CornellSPA]

It is a crazy time for a lot of us! It's the season to get outside into nature and much as you can, and take your Psychobiotics just before bed (lots of RCTs and probiotics enhancing mood and resiliency: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S175646462200069X

I also like the fisher-wallace device --very big in psychiatry now, and great to help settle everyone after a crazy shift.

I am also glad the AAPA is focusing on mental health as well. 

Seatbelts everyone- it will be a crazy summer - lets get through it together!! 

[kettle]

I had bad anxiety after a pediatric arrest as a medic years ago. Been going to counseling ever sense, twice a month. Things are going well these days but I look at it as preventive maintenance for my mind. No shame in getting help

[Hemmingway]

Life has a way of happening to all of us and I don't know anyone who hasn't had tragedy in their lives. It just comes in different styles. We all have different ways of coping (or not coping).

My wife, who is way smarter than me, say we should all see a therapist for a tune up every few years even if we think we are doing OK. 

My anxiety tends to come out as anger and, at 6'4 and 260 pounds, that makes a lot of people nervous. I had to get a handle on it for the sake of me and every one around me. I have seen a therapist off and on for a long time.

When you need help get it before it devolves to a crisis.

[Reality Check 2]

This forum is part of my therapy. Folks here get it because they walk the walk.

Some things don't have to be explained with your peers.

It helps a lot to know others go through the same things or have those same feelings.

My beloved PhD retired and I am looking for a new one...........................

Glad everyone is here and supports one another!

Make it a good week!

[rev ronin]

I didn't get treatment, but I did really struggle to keep positive and productive during 2020, not just with Covid but other professional changes and challenges. I have found having regular contact with other medical professionals who share my faith to be a great support group--they get it on the "been there, done that" level as @Reality Check 2 noted, and share the same motivations and aspirations from a religious perspective.

[YourAveragePA]

This forum is def a great way for us to share our experiences....

Someone told me once "depression is worrying about the past, anxiety is worrying about the future"....seems I've been pretty good at both lately.

Being "Essential" during COVID took a toll, lots of neighbors and friends got to work from home (wife and I were actually the only ones in our friend group that didn't) and would always talk about how nice it was to have 'a break' from their day to day routine.  Work slowed down but still made me take an in depth look at my place in healthcare.  Being almost 40 and the breadwinner with multiple kids, not very easy to switch career paths.  Otherwise, just going through the motions.  

[SedRate]

Better now that I quit my job. It's been nice not thinking about work and instead thinking about what I'm going to do with all this "free" time now. I have a per diem gig for the summer, and I might just stick to that for a while.

We are in the midst of crazy times right now. Take care of yourself, and hang in there, my friend.

[ventana]

Following 

I am a bit of a loner and although I work with people all day I prefer to only be by myself a fair amount of time outside work. 
love my family

 

covid pandemic and political crap making people mean, unkind, and unaccepting is taking its toll  as well having two young kids in elementary school increases my stress 10 fold through pandemic   
 

Worry and stress are creeping  up. job burnout is starting up  

 

my therapy in the past is working out and personal time and pandemic and young kids have made it too easy to not take time for me.
 

 

solution is looking inside yourself. Taking care of yourself  in my case eating better  working out and getting more alone time   Never ending battle   I am also investigating an alternative (side hustle) that I might do into retirement that is just business and not medicine   
 

we all are pretty much struggling is what I see  

 

I even told a patients girlfriend the other day the “your alternative facts are untrue and repeating them to me do not make them true   I follow the data and science to practice medicine, not politicians”   Still waiting on the blow back from that one but really give me a break  

 

BTW wrote this at 458am after waking up.  Unable to sleep. Worrying about life. 

[Mayamom]

3 hours ago, ventana said:

BTW wrote this at 458am after waking up.  Unable to sleep. Worrying about lif

I don't know you but from reading your posts your an excellent hard working PA; I seems you work a ton!!! Maybe cutting back will help.

[CAAdmission]

I was burned out long before Covid.

I've arrived at the point where I just refuse to allow working for morons under impossible circumstances to stress me out. The system is broken and nothing I do will fix it or make it better. I'll do the best I can under the circumstances. On rare occasions it might seem heroic. Much of the time it will be mediocre, and occasionally it will be sucky. I'll do the best I can for people, knowing it will never be close to perfection. I don't volunteer for dumb committees anymore, and I have learned to say "no" to quite a lot. 

We used to have all these signs hanging up reminding everyone to "strive for five" on the Press Ganeys. My personal motto is "try for three." Other people have no rights to my feelings. They cannot make me angry or sad or whatever unless I choose to allow them to do so. 

 

[Hemmingway]

I heard someone say depression is worrying about yesterday. Anxiety is worrying about tomorrow.

More than anything else when my sleep goes everything else follows. Bad sleep=bad everything.

So if someone needs a big starting point and aren't sleeping try to start there by getting whatever help you need. That is a base you can build on.

[ChrisPAinED]

2 hours ago, sas5814 said:

I heard someone say depression is worrying about yesterday. Anxiety is worrying about tomorrow.

More than anything else when my sleep goes everything else follows. Bad sleep=bad everything.

So if someone needs a big starting point and aren't sleeping try to start there by getting whatever help you need. That is a base you can build on.

Dang I am worrying about yesterday and tomorrow..... And today

[Hemmingway]

Today is the only thing you have any sway over. Take care of today. Lather, rinse, repeat.

[ventana]

14 hours ago, Mayamom said:

I don't know you but from reading your posts your an excellent hard working PA; I seems you work a ton!!! Maybe cutting back will help.

Just spoke to wife today about maybe 3 day work week in the next year

will need to replace the income but honestly pretty ready to go after setting up passive income.  Think car wash, laundry mat, commercial real estate   Something not dependent on me seeing more patients and working harder.  At early to mid 50’s it is time 

[maybemedicine]

I’m constantly worrying at work, just anxiety… currently getting the help I need. But it’s along road. The work atmosphere does not help at times, busy clinic, gossiping colleagues, which adds to unnecessary stress. (Seriously considering transferring to a different location or leaving this company altogether). I’m a good worker and it shows. A combination of type A personality with good old fashioned anxiety mixed in. At times because of the stress it is now leading to depression. But to hear of a community going through the same is humbling to remind myself that I’m not the only one.  

[CAAdmission]

3 hours ago, Flcapa2020 said:

I’m constantly worrying at work, just anxiety

About anything in particular?

[EMEDPA]

I am pretty crispy at present. I have been working 240-260 hrs a month since covid hit. My problem is that I am a nice guy, which makes me a regional resource for all 4 hospitals I cover whenever someone is sick, dies, retires early, etc. I just had a serious talk with my wife about trying to limit my hrs to 240/mo. 260 is too much. It's not the work, it is all the driving. I am also teaching 2 sections of global health online every term. At least I can do that during downtime at my other jobs. 

I have gained weight and stopped distance running. something needs to give. I just started focusing on what I eat, as that is reasonable to control and also trying to work out with weights every day at work and at home. Just a few sets of curls or flys or squats between patients. It's a start. 

June 236 hrs, July240 hrs, august 244. 

[Hemmingway]

39 minutes ago, EMEDPA said:

I just started focusing on what I eat, as that is reasonable to control and also trying to work out with weights every day at work and at home. Just a few sets of curls or flys or squats between patients. It's a start.

This is the big start. Like you I have been gaining weight because I sit in my office and graze everyday. When I went home I poured a stiff drink and planted my butt in front of the TV.

A couple of weeks ago I decided enough was enough. When I have time to graze at work I get up and go walk a lap around the clinic. When I go home I change immediately and do SOMETHING physical for 20 to 30 minutes. Sometimes I walk. Sometimes I do yard work. It doesn't matter as long as I'm outside and moving.

My sleep improved within a few days and that made everything else start to get better.

My clinic is chronically understaffed and over-patient-ed. The new doc I have been trying to train for the last 5 months is about to quit and leave me a huge mess to clean up (again). 6 months ago I would have been flipping over the furniture. Today I just made a plan to mitigate the carnage.

Less food. Better food. Less booze. More exercise. Simple advice I have given a thousand times. Who knew it actually works?

[EMEDPA]

41 minutes ago, sas5814 said:

 

Less food. Better food. Less booze. More exercise. Simple advice I have given a thousand times. Who knew it actually works?

Huh. So you mean if I eat less and exercise more and don't count a gin and tonic or 3 as dinner I will feel better? Whoda thunk it 

[ohiovolffemtp]

I'm trying (and  usually failing) to remember and live the wisest words a counselor ever said to me, "you can probably do anything, but you can't do everything".  It was easier to contemplate slowing down before the markets took away 15% of my retirement savings, my son needed help paying for his divorce lawyer, and my mother needed in-home care for her dementia.   So, I took advantage of my wife being in Ecuador and the Galapagos chaperoning her granddaughter's high school trip to work extra shifts at all 3 of my PRN jobs.  Yeah, that helped with the finances, but the overall mental exhaustion - not so much.

I do second what everyone said, especially about the sleep.  It doesn't make a lick of difference what I do in a day if I haven't gotten enough sleep the night (or day, since I'm a nocturnist) before.

[LT_Oneal_PAC]

1 hour ago, ohiovolffemtp said:

I'm trying (and  usually failing) to remember and live the wisest words a counselor ever said to me, "you can probably do anything, but you can't do everything".  It was easier to contemplate slowing down before the markets took away 15% of my retirement savings, my son needed help paying for his divorce lawyer, and my mother needed in-home care for her dementia.   So, I took advantage of my wife being in Ecuador and the Galapagos chaperoning her granddaughter's high school trip to work extra shifts at all 3 of my PRN jobs.  Yeah, that helped with the finances, but the overall mental exhaustion - not so much.

I do second what everyone said, especially about the sleep.  It doesn't make a lick of difference what I do in a day if I haven't gotten enough sleep the night (or day, since I'm a nocturnist) before.

My god I wish someone had told me this, and then would stand behind me shaking their head disapprovingly every time I signed myself up for extra punishment.

[ohiovolffemtp]

And, it's our families and loved ones, and our relationships with them - that are our anchors in the storm of practicing, that also pay a price when we're gone too much and too emotionally drained when we are home.

The thanks and positive feedback we can get at work from co-workers and that subset of patients that are grateful can be seductive.

[Cideous]

Finding a counselor/therapist now a days is very difficult.  I tried for several months to find one taking new patients that was on my insurance with no luck.  A few never called back, the ones that did said they are not taking new clients.....Disappointing as it has taken me 50 years to finally realize I have a lot of lingering trauma from childhood and muster the courage to finally try and deal with it.  Ah well.