Thinking of leaving PA school for the sake of my mental health. Anyone else quit or think about it?

[PANCATEST]

I started school pretty recently and my mental illness has been rearing its ugly head worse than ever.  In the past 2 weeks, I have had to call 911 while driving home and had to leave in the middle of class to go to the doctor for panic attacks.  Guess I have developed panic disorder!

The pace of education is too much, I am very far from home with no support system, the debt is insane and I am starting to wonder if this career is just going to be mental torture for the rest of my life.

I am daydreaming of applying to a plant shop for minimum wage and just working there; pruning and spraying plants and looking at flowers all day rather than diseased, pissed off patients, shitty medical records systems, stressed coworkers and everything else that comes along with being a PA.

I think if I keep having attacks like this I will be asked to leave anyway.

The irony is I have been getting very good grades so far.  I gave up EVERYTHING to be here.   I quit my job (70K/year and very non-stressful), moved out of my apt, city, left all my family/friends/partner.  And it just does not seem worth it.  Sometimes I think coming here was the biggest mistake of my life.

TLDR: I am leaning toward quitting- wondering if anyone else has faced similar issues, and either quit or stayed, and what they think it did to their life.

Honestly I think admissions should warn applicants and also screen them before starting the program about the mental illness stats- the doctor I saw said he sees almost every PA student at some point for mental breakdowns even if they had no history.   I have a long history of GAD and bipolar which was very under control before the program; but I was 1 second away from admitting myself to the pysch ward last night and would have NEVER come here if I knew it would trigger the worst manic/depressed episode of my life.

Edited July 10, 2021 by PANCATEST
More info

[1madmamma]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. PA school is extremely demanding, both physically and mentally and I can’t imagine having to struggle with the demands of school and a mental health condition that is likely to be triggered by the stress of school as well as being away from any friends or family for support. I don’t have those struggles and I have cried a fair number of times, and felt overwhelmed much of the time. My advice to you would be to talk to the program director and/or your advisor as soon as possible and explain your situation. Maybe they can grant you a medical leave and give you time to take care of your health (which is paramount) and then you can come up for air and determine what your next best step should be. Have you talked with your family/partner about your struggles? This also might be a good place to start and to gain some perspective. Bottom line is you need to take care of your well-being first, because without this nothing else matters.  

[Ket131]

I have sat here awhile trying to think of what to say to you on this forum.  I am sorry that you are going through this.  PA school is challenging and sometimes there are things such as this, which as a student, you are not in control of and can make things so much harder.  I can tell you that your happiness matters and you are the one who is going to decide what you value more and what you can and cannot handle at this time.  I can assure you, that there are many people in PA school that have very similar feelings, however I cannot speak to the number of those with a similar mental heath histories.  My class was riddled with people with depression, anxiety, and terrible things happened to them during school (divorce, loss of engagements, deaths of family, best friend's suicide etc), which expectedly made things harder.  The two in my class that left, were doing well in school, however one decided he needed to be with his wife more and the other wanted to spend more time with her daughter.  I did not talk to them about their feelings, but I heard and saw pictures of them afterwards, they looked much happier.  For myself, I lost engagement during PA school, things were bad, but got better and I found myself again.  You mentioned you started PA school recently and do not have that support.  Perhaps, starting to look for some within your classmates and faculty, but more importantly, therapy and maybe some more time with this doctor depending on their expertise.  Also, take a day, on the weekend, dedicated to yourself, to reflect and see if this is really what you want in your life.  

[hustleforthePAC]

 

remember to take care of you first , you can message me anytime you need

https://thepadoctor.com/does-pa-profession-have-expiration-date/

 

 

Edited July 13, 2021 by hustleforthePAC
too much info

[UGoLong]

I suspect that, if you can think of a stressful situation, somewhere along the line a participant in that particular process thought about quitting. It’s human nature. Daydreaming about something like working in a plant store is natural when the stress builds up.

Should you quit is a different question. If you honestly believe that you are too brittle healthwise and can’t develop some new coping skills right now, then getting off of this path might be the right thing for you. Your personal goal is probably to be happy and do something meaningful with your life, so becoming a PA is certainly not the only route to that end.

Is PA school “especially” stressful? I personally didn’t find it so, though we're all different and it was definitely a time of my life when I had to stay focused much of the time. I was old, living alone a few hours away from home, and back in fulltime college for the first time in almost 40 years. It was also a time when I began to realize that I didn’t have to be “number 1” in our class: I just had to do well enough today to get to see what comes tomorrow. As Tom Hanks' character in "Cast Away" says, "Who knows what the tide will bring in tomorrow?" Each day taught me something and a lot of that was simply learning to stay in touch with my feelings about how I felt with each new experience. I took some time for myself every day, got enough sleep, and tried to go home without books on weekends when I could.

You can view PA school as a bridge too far for you and you wouldn’t be wrong. You paid a price to be where you are: financially, professionally, and personally. If you really want to stick with it for now, then you could choose to view the experience as a challenge to train yourself to overcome obstacles that may crop up later, even if you were to choose a different path. If it's too much right now, then pulling out may be for you.

You should always feel free to reassess your choices if for no other reason than you wouldn’t want a younger version of you to dictate your future: you learn something new every step of the way. At the same time, recognize that any new situation is going to involve some stress and maybe the real lesson here and now really is to figure out how you can deal with stress without letting it destroy you.

You are a good person no matter what lessons you draw from your experiences or what paths you choose. We all lose our way still from time to time. Just try to get back in touch with yourself to find your way back.

Good luck!

Edited July 11, 2021 by UGoLong

[Photograph51]

There are no right or wrong paths.  You have to do what is best for you.  You may want to ask for a medical leave of absence to give you time to rest and reassess.  Also remember the importance of sleep and eating right.  Extra hours spent studying won't benefit you when you are exhausted.  Talk to your school's counseling services about what you are facing.

I thought about leaving PA school pretty much every second of every day.  I would tell myself that I would just make the commitment to go to school today and if I couldn't do tomorrow I could quit then.  I am still trying to get over how much I hated PA school, but I am very happy with my life since I graduated.  Being a PA has been great, and it wouldn't have been possible without going through school. 

[ANESMCR]

Curious as to your prior profession? Was it in healthcare? 
 

Not much to add to great advice above. We all hated PA school at some point. We all wanted to bail at some point. Everyone copes in different ways. I lost family in death, lost a relationship with kids during the process. Was in a different state with no support. I have to be completely honest with you though, you need to weigh the other side. Tending to plants all day sounds great, I wish I was on the water all day guiding fly fishermen and haying fields. But, I truly believe you will regret dropping out and it will eat at you. Since you already started and are doing great, finish and prove it to yourself that you can. If you hate being a PA after, at least you tried and proved to yourself (not others) that you could do it. 

[newton9686]

All good advice, I personally would ask myself if i woke up 10 years down the road tomorrow on the other side of all the troubles, what would I have wish I did today?
 

if you really want, not just okay with waking up 10 years down the road owning or working at a chill plant store, then I’d agree with quitting. But if you would want to wake up and be a PA years 10 years from now  then I’d do everything in my power to keep going. You are going to need help and support regardless, it just seems like PA school is obviously flaring up everything you’ve worked to control and making things worse. But there are plenty of us with mental illnesses that manage in healthcare (some have better coping mechanisms and are more well controlled than others) but I know personally at this stage in my life  couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Then there is some that really should quit because the trouble isnt worth it and they get there purpose elsewhere to a far greater degree.  but that’s how I’d make my decision and be okay with it.

 

if it makes you feel any better I’m going back to medical school and gave up a couple pretty great PA gigs makings close to 150k a year. Do I question my decision. About every other day, but I know I’d regret even  more  waking up in 10 years not being a physician when I was given an opportunity to be a physician.

[ValHin]

Thank you for sharing this. All love and support to you. 

My first thought is this 1.) I think they screen PA students and prepare them for the stress of school as much as they possibly can without letting them sit in during a week's schedule. There is no real way to prepare for the rigor and stress load. 2.) My second thought is that since you had a history of this anxiety, I think that's something personally needed to look at it and see if you would do you what you needed to do to support your mental health AND finish school. With that said, like I said before, you cannot possibly prepare yourself for how intense it is.. I think the real question for you is asking yourself if this what you really want for your life?

I'll be honest.. I've been wondering that too. I'm not having panic attacks, but I am for sure stressed to the max. I'm lonely. Incredibly lonely. I think for me that pay off for finishing PA school, and the entire reason I chose the PA profession over becoming a MD/DO doctor was for the reason that I have more freedom as a PA to RETIRE AND QUIT, which is exactly what I plan on doing after I dont know how many years.

There are other things I want to do with my life besides just medicine. I know that now and I've always known that, and I do not plan on working as a PA for my entire working adult life. My PA profession and salary will help stabilize me financially and offer me life experience, and then I can move on and do something else. Like you, I love plants and especially nature and environmental conservation and biology, so I envision doing that in like 10 years or so. That's what's so wonderful about becoming a PA.

If you decide now that becoming a PA isn't what you want for your life at all, cus it has awful components to it, that is for sure, well then consider yourself lucky that you figured that out now! It's not a failure.. It's receiving clarity on what you really do and do not want for your life.

So to you I say, congratulations.  I think the biggest foundation reason for life is to experience joy and happiness, and if you aren't experiencing that and now how you COULD be experiencing that, then I think that's the path/direction you should take. 

[angelicamber]

On 7/10/2021 at 2:16 PM, PANCATEST said:

I started school pretty recently and my mental illness has been rearing its ugly head worse than ever.  In the past 2 weeks, I have had to call 911 while driving home and had to leave in the middle of class to go to the doctor for panic attacks.  Guess I have developed panic disorder!

The pace of education is too much, I am very far from home with no support system, the debt is insane and I am starting to wonder if this career is just going to be mental torture for the rest of my life.

I am daydreaming of applying to a plant shop for minimum wage and just working there; pruning and spraying plants and looking at flowers all day rather than diseased, pissed off patients, shitty medical records systems, stressed coworkers and everything else that comes along with being a PA.

I think if I keep having attacks like this I will be asked to leave anyway.

The irony is I have been getting very good grades so far.  I gave up EVERYTHING to be here.   I quit my job (70K/year and very non-stressful), moved out of my apt, city, left all my family/friends/partner.  And it just does not seem worth it.  Sometimes I think coming here was the biggest mistake of my life.

TLDR: I am leaning toward quitting- wondering if anyone else has faced similar issues, and either quit or stayed, and what they think it did to their life.

Honestly I think admissions should warn applicants and also screen them before starting the program about the mental illness stats- the doctor I saw said he sees almost every PA student at some point for mental breakdowns even if they had no history.   I have a long history of GAD and bipolar which was very under control before the program; but I was 1 second away from admitting myself to the pysch ward last night and would have NEVER come here if I knew it would trigger the worst manic/depressed episode of my life.

Hey I happened to stumble on this old post because I have similar feelings of doubt. How are you doing now?