Need help with my statement, it's too long for CASPA. Thanks!

[scottd]

I'm reapplying this year, and this is a rework of last year's narrative that's too long for CASPA's requirements. Any suggestions??

 

..........................................................................................................................................................

 

To me, being a PA means being reliable and committed to helping others. Over the past year, since I last applied for acceptance into PA school, I have come to learn that it also means being patient and persistent. That is why I am working harder than ever to show that I have even more to offer than I did at this time last year, all with hopes of gaining acceptance. With another year of healthcare experience under my belt, I am capable and eager to make healthcare my permanent career. I was able to compliment that with continued education, further preparing myself for the exciting PA education that lies ahead.

 

I strongly believe that a PA should show integrity and have genuine compassion for others, which are both traits that I possess. Paired with the proper PA education, they will allow me to help others throughout my career. This is a career in which I will have the opportunity to overcome challenges and continue to grow both educationally and personally, which is something I strive for.

 

I have been asked why I want to become a PA. Why not choose NP or MD? Yes, all are educated to help others, but I favor a PA career. The appeal of clinical rotations through various specialties without regard to post-graduation career path is unmatched by NP. I also find the rigorous schooling inviting, as it allows for a quicker transition into the career field, and helping others, than MD. Plus, the versatility specific to the PA profession is an attractive feature not seen in other areas of medicine, all while being able to consult with other medical professionals to successfully treat patients. As someone who favors the medical model of schooling, I know that a PA career will challenge me to succeed.

 

From the moment I decided on a PA career, I have been determined. That is why I have been volunteering in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital for the past 2-and-a-half years as an aide responsible for stocking medical supplies, interacting with patients, and helping with medication setup and lab draws. It is very reassuring to be able to work alongside medical professionals who value ethics and whose morals reflect their compassionate way of interacting with patients, which is how I plan on treating patients throughout my career in medicine.

 

I have learned about different types of IV medications used for things such as cancer treatment, kidney failure, blood disorders, and more. Monitoring the rate of flow of these IV medications is extremely important in ensuring proper treatment in the Infusion Care Center. I have also been fortunate enough to learn about different medical supplies, such as PICC lines, and how they are placed and used in administering IV medications. The knowledge and skill of the medical staff is very admirable. With mentors like them, I have been able to network throughout the hospital and create lasting relationships.

 

Interacting with PAs in different specialties has shown me multiple perspectives on the field, each one allowing for a rewarding medical career. I find the freedom to treat patients, as well as having a great deal of patient contact, very appealing. I have been able to shadow a PA in the emergency department and learn what it is like to examine and treat patients with a wide variety of injuries and illnesses and also complete charting duties. These experiences have helped cement my decision to become a PA. I find the field of healthcare an exciting challenge, where each day I can use invaluable skills and advanced education to care for others. As someone who craves mental stimulation and is dedicated to helping others, this is where I belong.

 

With another year of certified nursing assistant (CNA) work completed, I feel even more equipped than ever to begin my journey to becoming a PA. I have learned a lot about caring for others and assisting people in activities of daily living. I find joy in being able to spend time with the residents in assisted living and memory care facilities where I am employed. They not only rely on me to administer prescription medications and assist with daily cares, but I am also there to be a friend and help them through difficult situations in life. Being compassionate and caring has helped me gain the complete trust of people who may not otherwise have anyone to call on in times of need. As a CNA, I have also become more skilled at recognizing warning signs of potential health dangers that may easily go overlooked in the elderly population, and I have been able to take appropriate measures to ensure proper treatment. Many times this includes being in contact with the lead nurse of the facility and completing the corresponding paperwork. It involves contacting hospitals and clinics in order to place and take orders as well. While much of my time as a CNA is spent autonomously, I also enjoy being part of a team and feel it is extremely important to consult with my fellow employees when seeking to solve any problems that arise.

 

A successful PA must be committed to helping others, which I certainly am. Besides the healthcare experience I talked about above, I was also a certified personal trainer. I was able to coach many people into a healthier way of life, and I would like to continue to do so as a PA, on a completely different level of healthcare. I am extremely interested in bettering the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. As a PA, I will find everything I am looking for: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily, and the opportunity for a lifetime of learning.

 

My expanding education through my many experiences has gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be today. As I proceed on my way, I know it will bring me the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future. It is for that reason I ask you to open a door for me on my journey into medicine.

[jen0508]

I have been asked why I want to become a PA. Why not choose NP or MD? Yes, all are educated to help others, but I favor a PA career. The appeal of clinical rotations through various specialties without regard to post-graduation career path is unmatched by NP. I also find the rigorous schooling inviting, as it allows for a quicker transition into the career field, and helping others, than MD. Plus, the versatility specific to the PA profession is an attractive feature not seen in other areas of medicine, all while being able to consult with other medical professionals to successfully treat patients. As someone who favors the medical model of schooling, I know that a PA career will challenge me to succeed.

 

^^^take that paragraph out.

 

you have alot of slang in there: "harder than ever" ... "under my belt".... this is an essay for a professional graduate program.. no slang allowed :-)

 

good start but this could use some work... repost your final draft and i'll edit it

[scottd]

Thanks for the help. I'll repost it when I clean it up more.

[scottd]

Here's a rework of the above narrative. I didn't change much, just took out some parts and reworded some stuff. It's still a little too long for CASPA. Any suggestions on how to make it a little shorter or how to fix it/make it better? Thanks.

..................................................................

 

To me, being a PA means being reliable and committed to helping others. Over the past year, since I last applied for acceptance into PA school, I have come to learn that it also means being patient and persistent. I think I am a good candidate because I have even more to offer than I did at this time last year. With another year of healthcare experience complete, I am capable and eager to make healthcare my permanent career. I was able to compliment that with continued education, further preparing myself for the exciting PA education that lies ahead.

 

I strongly believe that a PA should show integrity and have genuine compassion for others, which are both traits that I possess. Paired with the proper PA education, they will allow me to help others throughout my career. This is a career in which I will have the opportunity to overcome challenges and continue to grow both educationally and personally, which is something I strive for.

 

From the moment I decided on a PA career, I have been determined to accomplish this goal. I have been volunteering in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital for the past 2-and-a-half years as an aide responsible for stocking medical supplies, interacting with patients, and helping with medication setup and lab draws. It is very reassuring to be able to work alongside medical professionals who value ethics and whose morals reflect their compassionate way of interacting with patients, which is how I plan on treating patients throughout my career in medicine.

 

I have learned about different types of IV medications used for things such as cancer treatment, kidney failure, and blood disorders. Monitoring the rate of flow of these IV medications is extremely important in ensuring the proper treatment in the Infusion Care Center. I have also been fortunate enough to learn about different medical supplies, such as PICC lines, and how they are placed and used in administering IV medications. The knowledge and skill of the medical staff is very admirable. With mentors like them, I have been able to network throughout the hospital and create lasting relationships.

 

Interacting with PAs in different specialties has shown me multiple perspectives on the field, each one allowing for a rewarding medical career. I find the freedom to treat patients, as well as having a great deal of patient contact, very appealing. I have been able to shadow a PA in the emergency department and learn what it is like to examine and treat patients with a wide variety of injuries and illnesses and also complete charting duties. These experiences have helped cement my decision to become a PA. I find the field of healthcare an exciting challenge, where each day I can use invaluable skills and advanced education to care for others. As someone who craves mental stimulation and is dedicated to helping others, this is where I belong.

 

With another year of certified nursing assistant (CNA) work complete, I feel prepared to begin my journey to becoming a PA. I have learned a lot about caring for others and assisting people in activities of daily living. I find joy in being able to spend time with the residents in assisted living and memory care facilities where I am employed. They not only rely on me to administer prescription medications and assist with daily cares, but I am also there to be a friend and help them through difficult situations in life. Being compassionate and caring has helped me gain the complete trust of people who may not otherwise have anyone to call on in times of need. As a CNA, I have also become more skilled at recognizing warning signs of potential health dangers that may easily go overlooked in the elderly population, and I have been able to take appropriate measures to ensure proper treatment. Many times this includes being in contact with the lead nurse of the facility and completing the corresponding paperwork. It involves contacting hospitals and clinics to place and take orders as well. While much of my time as a CNA is spent autonomously, I also enjoy being part of a team and feel it is extremely important to consult with my fellow employees when seeking to solve any problems that arise.

 

A successful PA must be committed to helping others, which I certainly am. Besides the healthcare experience I talked about above, I was also a certified personal trainer. I was able to coach many people into a healthier way of life, and I would like to continue to do so as a PA, on a completely different level of healthcare. I am extremely interested in bettering the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. As a PA, I will find everything I am looking for: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily, and the opportunity for a lifetime of learning.

 

My expanding education through my many experiences has gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be today. As I proceed on my way, I know it will bring me the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future. It is for that reason I ask you to open a door for me on my journey into medicine.

[jen0508]

i dont have a day off until saturday, will check it out then!

[scottd]

Thanks, I really appreciate it!

[scottd]

I took out some parts and now it just fits into CASPA. How does it look? Anything will be appreciated! Thank you!

 

...........................

Being a PA is to be reliable and committed to helping others. Over the past year, since I last applied, I have come to learn that it also means being patient and persistent. I am a good candidate because I have even more to offer than I did at this time last year. With another year of healthcare experience complete, I am capable and eager to make healthcare my permanent career. I was able to compliment that with continued education, further preparing myself for the exciting PA education that lies ahead.

 

I strongly believe that a PA should show integrity and have genuine compassion for others, which are both traits that I possess. Paired with the proper PA education, they will allow me to help others throughout my career. This is a career in which I will have the opportunity to overcome challenges and continue to grow both educationally and personally, which is something I strive for.

 

From the moment I decided on a PA career, I have been determined to accomplish this goal. I have been volunteering in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital for the past 2-and-a-half years as an aide responsible for stocking medical supplies, interacting with patients, and helping with medication setup and lab draws. It is very reassuring to be able to work alongside medical professionals who value ethics and whose morals reflect their compassionate way of interacting with patients, which is how I plan on treating patients throughout my career.

 

I have learned about different types of IV medications used cancer treatment, kidney failure, and blood disorders. Monitoring the rate of flow of these IV medications is extremely important in ensuring the proper treatment in the Infusion Care Center. I have also been fortunate enough to learn about different medical supplies, such as PICC lines, and how they are placed and used in administering IV medications. The knowledge and skill of the medical staff is very admirable. With mentors like them, I have been able to network throughout the hospital and create lasting relationships.

 

Interacting with PAs in different specialties has shown me multiple perspectives on the field, each one allowing for a rewarding medical career. I find the freedom to treat patients, as well as having a great deal of patient contact, very appealing. I have been able to shadow a PA in the emergency department and learn what it is like to examine and treat patients with a wide variety of injuries and illnesses and also complete charting duties. These experiences have helped cement my decision to become a PA. I find the field of healthcare an exciting challenge, where each day I can use invaluable skills and advanced education to care for others. As someone who craves mental stimulation and is dedicated to helping others, this is where I belong.

 

With another year of CNA work complete, I feel prepared to begin my journey to becoming a PA. I have learned a lot about caring for others and assisting people in daily activities. I find joy in being able to spend time with the residents in assisted living and memory care facilities where I am employed. They not only rely on me to administer medications and assist with daily cares, but I am also there to be a friend and help them through difficult situations. Being compassionate and caring has helped me gain the complete trust of people who may not otherwise have anyone to call on in times of need. As a CNA, I have also become more skilled at recognizing warning signs of potential health dangers that may easily go overlooked in the elderly population, and I have been able to take appropriate measures to ensure proper treatment. Many times this includes being in contact with the lead nurse of the facility and completing the corresponding paperwork. It involves contacting hospitals and clinics to place and take orders as well. While much of my time as a CNA is spent autonomously, I also enjoy being part of a team and feel it is extremely important to consult with my fellow employees when seeking to solve any problems that arise.

 

A successful PA must be committed to helping others, which I certainly am. Besides the healthcare experience I talked about above, I was also a certified personal trainer. I was able to coach many people into a healthier way of life, and I would like to continue to do so as a PA, on a completely different level of healthcare. I am extremely interested in bettering the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. As a PA, I will find everything I am looking for: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily, and the opportunity for a lifetime of learning.

 

My expanding education through my many experiences has gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be today. As I proceed on my way, I know it will bring me the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future. It is for that reason I ask you to open a door for me on my journey into medicine.

[Just Steve]

I took out some parts and now it just fits into CASPA. How does it look? Anything will be appreciated! Thank you!

 

...........................

Being a PA is to be reliable and committed to helping others. Over the past year, since I last applied, I have come to learn that it also means being patient and persistent. I am a good candidate because I have even more to offer than I did at this time last year. With another year of healthcare experience complete, I am capable and eager to make healthcare my permanent career. I was able to compliment that with continued education, further preparing myself for the exciting PA education that lies ahead. I am not a grammarian nor do I even pretend to have any formal training in writing personal statements. Plus I suck at spelling...so take the advice with those disclaimers in mind... There is a school of thought out there that says you should limit your PS to around five "I" statements for the whole thing. You have seven by my count in your first short paragraph. This pattern continues throughout your entire statement. Obviously it is your own personal writing style and it is not prudent nor wise to change who you really are but if you could reconsider some of sentence structure I bet it may flow a little better.

 

I strongly believe that a PA should show integrity and have genuine compassion for others, which are both traits that I possess. Paired with the proper PA education, they will allow me to help others throughout my career. This is a career in which I will have the opportunity to overcome challenges and continue to grow both educationally and personally, which is something I strive for. Aiming to be challenged and personally grow within your career is something that everyone, regardless of their path, should strive for. Stagnation, apathy, and boredom are caustic to a healthy professional life. However, this is a request to get into PA school, which will put you in the mix of providing medical care for those in need...relief of pain and suffering and all of that sorta stuff. You can find new challenges and room for growth being a mechanical engineer, a political science pundit, a hydrologist...none of those jobs can treat the medical needs of people. Practicing medicine is a privilege and I think that understanding needs to come through a little stronger in your statement.

 

From the moment I decided on a PA career, I have been determined to accomplish this goal. I have been volunteering in the Infusion Care Center at a local hospital for the past 2-and-a-half years as an aide responsible for stocking medical supplies, interacting with patients, and helping with medication setup and lab draws. It is very reassuring to be able to work alongside medical professionals who value ethics and whose morals reflect their compassionate way of interacting with patients, which is how I plan on treating patients throughout my career. How do you interact with patients? Do you gather their history? Check on their past week? Do any patient education? What do you do with medication set up? What do you do with lab draws? Are you performing phlebotomy or labeling vials? No one plans to go into medicine to treat patients with hate and discontent. Compassion is a given plan for most medical providers. As it turns out, not everyone has it but we all try to start off with some. In my opinion, most of this paragraph could be scrapped or seriously reworked. Don't tell me that performed xyz, tell me what xyz entailed and how you did it. Of course it has to be brief but it can be done.

 

I have learned about different types of IV medications used cancer treatment, kidney failure, and blood disorders. Monitoring the rate of flow of these IV medications is extremely important in ensuring the proper treatment in the Infusion Care Center. I have also been fortunate enough to learn about different medical supplies, such as PICC lines, and how they are placed and used in administering IV medications. The knowledge and skill of the medical staff is very admirable. With mentors like them, I have been able to network throughout the hospital and create lasting relationships. I see here you are trying to tell me what you have done...it does not come on very strong or convincing. The people reading your PS have been working in medicine. They understand that monitoring IV flow rates in an infusion center (or anywhere else) is important. You don't really need to tell them that. Did YOU monitor the rates? Did you make flow adjustments? Did you report your findings to another team member (shows team integration)? Learning about medical supplies is sorta "whatever" but learning about how PICC lines are placed, used, and cared for is cool. I would strike the "supplies" part and use the space to talk about your PICC line experience and other invasive procedures.

 

Interacting with PAs in different specialties has shown me multiple perspectives on the field, each one allowing for a rewarding medical career. I find the freedom to treat patients, as well as having a great deal of patient contact, very appealing. I have been able to shadow a PA in the emergency department and learn what it is like to examine and treat patients with a wide variety of injuries and illnesses and also complete charting duties. These experiences have helped cement my decision to become a PA. I find the field of healthcare an exciting challenge, where each day I can use invaluable skills and advanced education to care for others. As someone who craves mental stimulation and is dedicated to helping others, this is where I belong. You mention PAs of different specialties but only mention the ER. Any other exposures? What kind of exposures? You can get freedom to treat patients through a HUGE variety of medical fields that incorporate patient contact (RT, RN, PT, MD, DO, NP, EMT, paramedic, OT...list goes on) You already mentioned that you are excited about health care. The Adcom knows it because you are applying to their school. We already know you want to be challenged with mental stimulation from your statement above, no need to repeat it. I would refocus this entire paragraph to talk about the "variety of PAs" and build a better statement illustrating your understanding of the role of the PA.

 

With another year of CNA work complete, I feel prepared to begin my journey to becoming a PA. I have learned a lot about caring for others and assisting people in daily activities. I find joy in being able to spend time with the residents in assisted living and memory care facilities where I am employed. They not only rely on me to administer medications and assist with daily cares, but I am also there to be a friend and help them through difficult situations. Being compassionate and caring has helped me gain the complete trust of people who may not otherwise have anyone to call on in times of need. As a CNA, I have also become more skilled at recognizing warning signs of potential health dangers that may easily go overlooked in the elderly population, and I have been able to take appropriate measures to ensure proper treatment. Many times this includes being in contact with the lead nurse of the facility and completing the corresponding paperwork. It involves contacting hospitals and clinics to place and take orders as well. While much of my time as a CNA is spent autonomously, I also enjoy being part of a team and feel it is extremely important to consult with my fellow employees when seeking to solve any problems that arise. I think your PS needs to lead with this paragraph. I would rework it to cut out a lot of the fluff about how if you were not there to help certain patients, there would be no one. I think you need to highlight or expand how you have improved at recognizing warning sings of health dangers...the ability to see and recognize "sick" from "not sick" is a critical ability in medicine. I would remove the bit about how you filled out paperwork and focus on how you were an important team member who worked with the facility staff to ensure smooth transitions of patient care to a facility that was more adept at caring for the patient who has started to decompensate. You have had exposure to, and feel comfort with, referring patients when their care needs have dictated further action....or something like that.

 

A successful PA must be committed to helping others, which I certainly am. Besides the healthcare experience I talked about above, I was also a certified personal trainer. I was able to coach many people into a healthier way of life, and I would like to continue to do so as a PA, on a completely different level of healthcare. I am extremely interested in bettering improving the lives of those around me and want to be able to do so for my entire life. As a PA, I will find everything I am looking for: the ability to help others, the need to challenge myself daily, and the opportunity for a lifetime of learning. Again, PA doesn't have a lock on this gig. TONS of different types of medical providers get to help others, be challenged, and learn their whole life. I think you are trying to capture what you feel being a PA is all about but your statement is HUGE and VAGUE and can be filled in by any other career path. You are missing the mark in what a PA does...you have missed it for your entire PS.

 

My expanding education through my many experiences has gotten me to places I feel fortunate to be today. As I proceed on my way, I know it will bring me the great opportunities I seek in medicine, both in the near and distant future. It is for that reason I ask you to open a door for me on my journey into medicine. Nice polite closing but to me, it's weak. I realize we have different styles but I think a PS needs to be powerful. The Adcoms need to read a PS and say "I am going to open the door for that student"...they don't need to be asked "please let me in" They should want you in their classroom based on everything you have shown your application before the closing of your PS. You also come back to your continuing theme of how being a PA is going to give you great opportunities. I was a Navy Corpsman, surgical technologist, EMT, paramedic, Wilderness medicine EMT, safety chairman for a whitewater enthusiast club, first aid/cpr instructor...so many GREAT opportunities in medicine and I had a blast. But none of those experiences are the same as being a PA. You need to show that you understand the role of a PA...not just the role of a medical provider. If you struggle to identify the unique benefits/opportunities that a PA has then I suggest you contact a couple through the already stated connections you have with the local hospital, take those PAs out for coffee (individually) and interview them. Pick their brain. Shadowing doesn't offer the same opportunity to ask those sort of questions. They are too busy working to sit and pontificate. Get them out of the office and crawl inside their head.

 

You have some health care experience which I personally find to be a great benefit to those seeking an education as a PA. Working as a CNA gives you great life experiences, you have volunteer time, you have some life diversity (working as a trainer)....a ton of really good stuff to make you a good candidate but you are filling your PS with non descriptive verbiage. You tell us that there will be challenges (we already know that), you pick examples that don't do the best to highlight your direct patient care (supplies, paperwork)... I am sure you have some much better examples of direct patient care working as a CNA that can help sell yourself as a person coming from the trenches, working their way up the medical career pathway.

 

Of course my suggestions pretty much tear up the PS you have been working diligently on...it's just the opinion of one guy who got into PA school... good luck to ya.

[scottd]

Thanks for the input. After reading what you've said, I totally agree. I have a lot of work to do to improve my statement. You brought up some great points, and I appreciate you taking the time to tell me what you think.