How has medicine changed you as a human being?

[Cideous]

Before I went into medicine I was conservative....like freakishly conservative.  I sneered at people on Medicaid or as we called it "welfare".  I voted Republican in every election until I was 35.  Not one democrat or independent.  I was militant pro-life (metaphorically speaking).  Then I got into rooms with real people with real problems desperate for help and looking to me for answers.  Issues that had always been black and white began to fade to grey.  I have cried with grown men when I told them they had cancer.  I have held hands with women who were suicidal and I have stared long and hard into the eyes of teens who were drug addicts while I tried to get them help.  It changed me in ways so profound I could not have imagined.  It was not all rainbows and unicorns though.  When I did Emergency Medicine I started to become extremely jaded towards human beings in general, something I still struggle with today.  Observing up close what we do to each other, animals, ecosystems and the planet in general has left me less than a fan of our species.  

So I was just wondering, am I alone?  Has medicine changed you in ways that are good or bad or something in the middle....?

[EMEDPA]

Similar changes for me as well. When I started to get burnt out and jaded I went to 100% rural and that really helped. Lower volume, higher acuity. Pts generally happier to see me. 

34 years in medicine and it takes a lot for me to get interested in routine issues in or out of the ER. 

[GetMeOuttaThisMess]

Over two-thirds of my 36 years were in spine and EM/urgent care.  Cynical, quick tempered, impatient with others (including family), and intolerant of those who don’t take responsibility for themselves.  I need folks to make a decision when given options and not pussy foot around.  That pretty much covers it.  I am seeing a slow, gradual return to where I was before age 20 where I was more patient and civil.  I just told my family I don’t want to go out and eat and listen to loud 20 somethings who act like it’s any other day tomorrow after my family burial.  Never understood the big spread of food right after a funeral.

Edited April 22, 2021 by GetMeOuttaThisMess

[CAdamsPAC]

Medicine hasn't changed me  but like all creatures I've developed or modified my life skills and views over the years. In medicine I've witnessed life begin and end, been able to help others through life's challenges and see that my life's progress wasn't particularly special or different from other people's lives. I know what is truly important and what isn't ,but I learned this by living not by being a healthcare professional. I have a skillset that  has met the needs of others as well as other professionals  have skills that I may have  needed in my daily life, but it doesn't define my world view. As a child, I was struck by how angry or PO'ed "old men" seemed to me, now in the autumn of my life I now realize they weren't angry, they just had seen so much BS they no longer cared to tolerate the foibles or social shortcomings of many people. I've learned an awful lot of medicine over the years but more importantly I learned that I can't save the world nor am I responsible for the actions of anyone other than myself or my children. Because I've accepted this reality I am happier and sleep better.

Edited April 22, 2021 by CAdamsPAC

[rev ronin]

I found that 3 days of clinical work per week is about right, when the work I'm doing is highly emotionally charged.  I deal with people with invisible wounds, who have no advocates, who live in shame.  I don't care that my income isn't as high as it could be--these people need me, by virtue of the fact that I'm the one who is there for them, to have the emotional reserve to treat them compassionately and ethically.  They need me to have the time to listen to the isolation, the loneliness, and in turn tell them (among whatever medical info I give) that they matter and are important.

In many ways, I would not start this journey again as an 18 year old if I could, because I fear I would do badly. An illustrative story, if you care to read it:

At 18, I was hacked off that I had to do Freshman Comp, because I'd failed to get the required score on the AP English exam, even though I'd already done sophomore lit the previous summer.  This was at the University of Alaska Southeast, which at the time was basically a glorified community college that offered Masters' degrees in education, business, and government.  At one point, we had to trade papers and grade another student's composition. I got a terrible, illiterate mess of a paper--that is, while my response was pretty inexcusable, the brief paper was essentially sentence fragments thrown together that made no sense. My "two constructive suggestions" for improving the paper were the course numbers for two remedial writing classes, prerequisites to the current class: truly an arrogant and heartless response on my part. The author approached me after class; she was one of the older students, a woman in her 30's with prematurely aged skin and unattractive thinness that comes from smoking too many cigarettes too early in life. I would be lying if I said I could directly quote what she said, but it went something like: 1) Not everyone has it as easy as you do, 2) I'm trying my best, and 3) I deserve to be treated like a human being.  She wasn't crying, but the hurt and anger were loud and clear. She was unquestionably right on all counts, and 30-odd years later I still feel visceral shame recalling the incident.  The kicker, though, is that the professor, who knew exactly what had transpired, later had an opportunity to give me a D for the course by assessing a per-the-syllabus late penalty on my final paper... but did not.  I received a whole letter grade of grace that I had not extended to a classmate, and that, of course, is the capstone on the only thing I really learned out of that pointless class. And, of course, that gracious grade carried forward into CASPA.

By the time I got into PA school, that lesson was 20 years old, and in the mean time I had experienced personal and family loss, a divorce, made any number of less severe mistakes that each educated me on some aspect of life and relationship, and through all that developed and refined a personal faith and attendant outlook on life.

As a reformed *sshole with a lot of road miles on me, I am a thousand times more compassionate person than I would have been had I gone to undergraduate and then medical school. That assumes that compassion cannot be negative, of course.

Almost 9 years in, I am still learning and growing, but I guarantee you that I have never made any patient feel like that hapless English student. Everyone gets treated with dignity and respect, even the people I catch trying to lie to me on their CDL forms or the people I catch with drugs in their UAs.  And you know what? It works. I've thrown people off of opiates for meth in their urine, and they still came to me for care, because I had learned how to say the hard things without anger or attack.

So, having started on a path towards goodness, I reflect that in my care now. Had I not had that disposition beforehand, I suspect I never would have developed it in the crucible of patient care.

[EMEDPA]

I am a lot kinder and more caring seeing 12 patients in 24 hrs, most of whom have legitimate medical issues, than seeing 30 patients in 12 hrs, most of whom do not have a legitimate emergency. 

[ohiovolffemtp]

After over 35 years in pre-hospital and in-hospital emergency medicine I've learned to be pleasantly surprised when people make an effort to be responsible for themselves and their own health or for their families and their family's health.  I've learned to be grateful for my health.   I've coded many people younger than myself and routinely treat people younger than me would look much older due to their health issues, usually caused by smoking, obesity, non-compliance, etc.  I'm grateful for my family who expected things from me.

I believe in this beatitude, "Blessed are they who expect little, for they shall not be disappointed".

[EMEDPA]

It's a little tough to realize that folks my age have age-related risk factors....I am in my 50s and most days feel like I am in my 30s. I take care of a lot of folks my age or younger who look like crap as mentioned above. Sometimes they say "when you get to be my age..." and I say , "sir, I am 5 years older than you are...." 

Smoking is bad. Meth is bad. having a bmi of 50 is bad...

[CAdamsPAC]

49 minutes ago, EMEDPA said:

It's a little tough to realize that folks my age have age-related risk factors....I am in my 50s and most days feel like I am in my 30s. I take care of a lot of folks my age or younger who look like crap as mentioned above. Sometimes they say "when you get to be my age..." and I say , "sir, I am 5 years older than you are...." 

Smoking is bad. Meth is bad. having a bmi of 50 is bad...

The meth will reduce that BMI! But it will also reduce life expectancy'

[Cideous]

Such great answers and insight...except the meth answer to BMI, LOL!

[rev ronin]

1 hour ago, CAdamsPAC said:

The meth will reduce that BMI! But it will also reduce life expectancy'

And teeth.

[ventana]

Medicine

life

changes

 

Yes to all

 

I recently (2 years ago) left a prison job.  I was functioning as the Doc/Medical Director but was in a system of uneducated/over educated/self righteous law enforcers whom would hang you out to dry for the littlest of mistakes (they litterally told me to change my signature cause it was to short)

 

I finally stood up for my patients when the laws changed(due to a court case) that mandated MAT be continued on stable patients (they were doing forced abstinence and patients would get done with the correctional stay, OD and die.  Their response was "it is not our fault, it did not happen here".  Short story is the Doc at that time was a puppet, horrible doc, horrible person that did what ever admin told him to do.  Never advocating for the patients or the medical staff (has since "Retired" x2 one from that job and once from his PCP job - (letter he sent out to patients was the saddest letter I have ever read- all he did was complain about the system, the EMR, the computers and said it was all too much).   I stood up to him one day (only second time I have stood up to a doc and as he yelled at me and insulted me with petty insults I gave it right back... wrong choice but oh well)

 

So a few month later I was no longer employed there......  and wow was I bitter.  Felt personal, felt violated, had some issues getting over it as inmates/patients were dying after release and I was no longer in the position to help them change the system.

 

fast forward about 2 years, many sleepless nights and bad disturbing dreams I have finally realized that I was a frog....

 

I was the frog that was in the pot of cold water, on the stove, with heat being applied.  Through the previous 5 years I had become a different person, not because of the medicine, but because of the culture of the facility.  

 

Been a few years now, back into community PCP, my north is reset and now I am back to seeing the goodness in people.  Long lost friends come back, new friendships made, and life is much better.

 

 

A final point. I was a far left leaning person at the beginning of my life and career as I believe society creates advantages and disadvantages for it citizens based on class and color.

But, having now starting to treat the 4 (FOURTH) generation of people living off the system (And doing so willfully and with intention of not working, not contributing to society) I have had a fairly significant shift to the middle and in a few aspects the right.  

People have to have some personal responsibility

Society should lift people up whom have been suppressed by society - but if you can work you should work for you welfare.  I truly think the CCC model in the 40's was a reasonable solution.  All these people that can work that choose to be on social welfare systems to stay home should be forced to work.  There is great pride in working and earning a living and I think a large part of America has forgotten this.  Red, purple, brown, black white or any other color - if your body works and your PCP says you can do it - you should be mandated to show up and work for your check.    Enough of the free handouts.   I do believe addiction and mental illness is real and these need to be handled on a case by case basis but the default should be working for you paycheck.

 

So yes medicine has changed me, and more importantly I think the environment I work in changes me.  I am even honestly considering working full time in LTC so that I can avoid a large part of the "Entitlement society" and drama that comes from staff.  Just let me show up to work, do a nice job, care for people, have compassion, and feel good about the job I do and then I can go home to my family, and be the best dad possible.

[UGoLong]

Not just medicine, but hopefully everything you do, changes you. Changing your mind based on exposure to new information isn't "flip-flopping": it's learning. It would be nice if politicians could admit to being in the same process.

By the way, sometimes learning means you learn that not all jobs are the same and, if your job is killing you, get ready to change it or leave!

Between 34 years of part-time EMS and 15 years as a PA, I've learned that everyone isn't like me. They make their own decisions, have their own capabilities, grew up in environments generally not completely of their making, and are motivated by their own set of stimuli. It's taught me to be more understanding, which gets harder as the demands to see more people in less time grows. (Rather than getting boiled in the slowly heated water, I'm grateful to have switched to part-time when I was 69.)

I'm a tool guy so the change from paper to electronic records was a good thing from my perspective. So too has been my involvement in PA education. Seeing young, enthusiastic people helps me stop ruminating about my own mortality or getting caught up in flareups of my native cynicism. And marrying a woman who, after more than 50 years, still has an incredible sense of humor is still the best thing I've ever done. We enjoy each other's company, have a wonderful family, our health is pretty good for our age, we have enough money, and we have a lot to look forward to for as long as we can. We both are grateful.

I think medicine has also taught me to be grateful for who I am, the chance I have to help in a unique way, and the ability to help my family and others navigate its mysteries.

[sas5814]

Some of the jobs I have had magnified my worst traits. I have always been a "help yourself dammit" kind of persona and still am to a large degree. Working with generationally ignorant governmentally dependent people was a horror to me.

I guess if I was going to summarize how medicine has changed me...it has helped me see past generalizations and see people as individuals good or bad. It has also made me highly selective about where I spend my off time and who I spend it with. I'm pretty happy with a very small circle

 

[ANESMCR]

Its turned me into a friendly, approachable, attentive, and empathetic listener at work. And a total asshole at home.

[CAAdmission]

On 4/22/2021 at 7:21 AM, ventana said:

But, having now starting to treat the 4 (FOURTH) generation of people living off the system (And doing so willfully and with intention of not working, not contributing to society) I have had a fairly significant shift to the middle and in a few aspects the right.  

People have to have some personal responsibility

Sadly, this i pretty much where I am at. I entered the career really caring about people. I subsequently discovered that the bulk of the population is selfish, lazy and ignorant. I have seen the dark underbelly of society. It has become acutely worse in the last several years with the growing prevalence of "victim culture." People come in smoking, eating, drinking and drugging themselves toward an early grave and then curse the universe when they get sick and demand everyone else pony up the resources to treat them.   

[bluiz1997]

I think age and life experience in general has changed me more than practicing medicine.  This profession has never defined me.  I will admit on a positive note, I am less judgmental and have more flexibility.   I work for a large revenue focused healthcare system (aren't they all though? lol) that micromanages every minute of my day.  I now work with young lazy specialist physicians who push off work, take no responsibility, and offer no helpful advice and make four times as much money as I do.  I just smile at patients and try to keep them happy.  I am not offended if patients don't take care of themselves.  I am just trying to survive at work and bring home a paycheck at this point.  I am out of this profession as soon!  Perhaps, I am more cynical and certainly fearful of the future of healthcare in this country.