My Personal Statment Rough Draft. What do you think?

[resppro36301]

Im applying to the University of North Dakota PA program and the Personal Statement is one of my last steps. Any help or critizism will help. Thanks!

 

While studing to be a Respiratory Therapist, the desicion to be a Physician Assitant came from a very influentual person in my life . My instructor , Drayton Odom , saw my desire to learn and inquiring personality. After class one day he pulled me aside and asked what were my goals after graduating respiratory therapy school. At this point in my life I wanted to get my healthcare career started and I didn't have a timeline for attaining my eventual goal. Mr Odom encouraged me to look into becoming a Physician Assistant.He stated,' People liike you are in need'. That statement of confidence gave me solid belief that being a Physician Assistant was going to be my career goal.

 

Now working as and Respiratory Therapist, I spend my time in the hospital with the a varied population of unfortunate sick people, from RSV in pediatrics to older individuals with multiple comorbidites. The population my hospital serves is mostly a large rural area. Many times because of the nature of the procedures Respiratory Therapists perform, I also see the sickest and most unfortunate of this population.Interacting and learning from the Emergency Room and Pulmonary Physicians have given me a window to see how much more I can do for the health of my patients .Caring for these people and being part of a team that helps people regain their health has made me want to be a bigger part in the healing process, to be a Physician Assistant.

 

I enjoy the trust and autonomy I have with my physicians as a Respiratory Therapist. Being involved with so many patients also makes me want to be futher involved in patient care. One event that comes to mind was a patient that presented in CC with dsypnea and hypoxia . She intially was maintaining her oxygen saturation with a low amount of supplemental oxygen but I had to keep increasing her oxygen flow due to increasing work of breathing in a span of 15minutes. Upon inspection of her intake , output , auscutation and vital signs; It was apparent she was going into fluid overload. This was communicated to the patients RN and her IV fluids were reduced and diuretics ordered.I placed the patient on a Non-Invasive Ventilator to help relive her dyspnea. It was a tenuous few hours because the patient was on the brink of being placed on a ventilator. The patient did improve and was able to be weaned from the Non-Invasive Ventilator that night as her vital signs reached safe parameters.

 

I have been exposed to many aspects of healthcare, from the initial point of care in Emergency Medicine, Pediatrics , Critical Care Units and Med/Surg floors, until their discharge. Seeing people regain their health is the finest aspect of my field. I have been part of a team of healthcare providers who have help patients on the brink of death. Becoming a Physician Assitant would better enable me to treat my patients ; whether they are critically ill or I am seeing them fora scheduled checkup, I want to better serve the patient in my community.

[laurac]

It's really nice to read a personal statement from someone with significant patient care experience. You're not having to spin things to make up for a lack of experience. I would take out the references to "unfortunate" patients. It sounds awkward. You have a bunch of typos too, but it's a rough draft and I'm sure you'll weed them out. Get a friend who did well in English to proof it for you for grammar, punctuation and spelling. You start the story about keeping the patient off the vent with something about enjoying the autonomy you have with MDs as an RT, but you don't follow through with that in the rest of the paragraph. It's a good vignette, you just need to use it to more specifically illustrate your point about autonomy. Otherwise a very good draft.

[Apreski]

I would add more key words like "underserved" "hard working" "team player" "passionate provider" ..... It sounds to me like you LOVE being an RT. Thats great and all, but what makes YOU special? Have you overcome struggles in education, work, life experiences? Why should they choose YOU? Your "dyspnea and hypoxia" story sounds like an incomplete case study that has no true value to what makes you special.....maybe discuss how you felt after being a team player in saving the patient's life. Just my thoughts. Sounds like you have a lot of patient contact/care experience...that's great! Good luck!

[resppro36301]

Thanks ! I will get to work on the second draft.