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So this is my first draft. It is long and I tried very hard to cut it short, I'm just struggling with making it even shorter since I'm 100 words over the limit. I feel like I have a lot to say but not much room. I would appreciate your critique and any suggestions regarding irrelevant or unnecessary content. Also if anything sounds vague, I tried my best to make it clear as english is my second language. Thanks!

 

 

I want to make a difference in the lives of people; that is my goal in life! Ever since I was a child, I grew up with curiosity and interest in the human body. I have always aspired for a career in the sciences and medicine. I decided to pursue my post-secondary education in medical laboratory science because it combined my interest in laboratory work and medical knowledge. I joined a rigorous 4 year concurrent program at University of Windsor and St. Clair College. With a busy class schedule and a tutoring job at the college, I was able to maintain good grades. Going through such an intense and tough curriculum, the program provided me with the skills necessary to prepare for the challenging, yet exciting world of healthcare. Through my 8 months clinical internship at Hotel-Dieu Grace Hospital, I was exposed to real world case scenarios where I was evaluated on critical thinking and ability to work under stressful and critical situations.

 

During and after the last semester of the program, I got the opportunity to shadow a specialist, Dr. Shawki. I was offered to work with him at his clinic doing basic tasks such as taking patient history, weight and blood pressure. This was a great opportunity for me to enhance my communication skills with patients and get a glimpse of medical practice.

 

After successful completion of the program and the national certification exam, I was ready to enter the workforce as a healthcare professional. I was hired at Hotel-Dieu Grace hospital as a medical laboratory technologist (MLT) in chemistry, hematology and transfusion medicine. Through work, I improved on problem-solving and communication skills. I developed mutual trust and respect with patients, physicians, nurses and other healthcare professionals. My efforts and dedication in providing the best quality service were demonstrated in a recognition I received in the hospital’s newsletter. The OR staff wrote in recognition of my professionalism and the hard work I put through while assisting them in resuscitation efforts of a critical patient that required massive transfusions.

 

In June 2011, I got a second job at Detroit Receiving Hospital’s ER stat lab. This new position opened the door for a new challenging experience at the city’s level one trauma hospital. There, I got exposed to working under high levels of stress since time was absolutely critical for every test performed.

 

Through my career, I worked on my professional development. I attended several educational and medical conferences that discuss different medical issues and the latest on new technologies and treatment methods. In addition, I am in the process of developing leadership and educational skills in my recent assignment as the chemistry instructor, where I will be responsible to help MLT student interns to develop necessary skills in the chemistry department and carry out their practical evaluations.

 

As part of my job as an MLT, I perform phlebotomy routinely during morning rounds. I interact with patients in different medical areas such as ER, ICU, orthopedics, internal medicine, and neurosurgery. The enthusiasm and joy I felt when interacting with patients has greatly sparked my interest in medical practice; this is where I found my new passion for a career in medical practice.

 

When I heard about the physician assistant profession the first time, I didn’t have much knowledge about it, since it is relatively a new field in Canada. I did a lot of research, talked to PA’s at work and observed their interaction with patients, and joined an online PA forum to learn more about the profession. I finally reached a decision that I would like to pursue a career as a PA because it is a dynamic field filled with a variety of opportunities to work in different medical areas and specialties. I admire the autonomy, critical thinking and patient interaction involved in this job. The length of the program also played an important factor in my decision to pursue this career as I am willing to start a family soon with the least amount of school debt.

 

I believe that my strong academic background, my dedication, compassion, and skills and medical knowledge I acquired from my experience at work and with patients will help me succeed in the program. Having grown up in a war-torn country and witnessing people suffer from the lack of medical care, my goal as a PA would be to serve the medically underserved population and those with limited access to healthcare.

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So this is my first draft. It is long and I tried very hard to cut it short, I'm just struggling with making it even shorter since I'm 100 words over the limit. I feel like I have a lot to say but not much room. I would appreciate your critique and any suggestions regarding irrelevant or unnecessary content. Also if anything sounds vague, I tried my best to make it clear as english is my second language. Thanks!

 

 

I want to make a difference in the lives of people; that is my goal in life! Ever since I was a child, I grew up with curiosity and interest in the human body. I have always aspired for a career in the sciences and medicine. I decided to pursue my post-secondary education in medical laboratory science because it combined my interest in laboratory work and medical knowledge. I joined a rigorous 4 year concurrent program at University of Windsor and St. Clair College. With a busy class schedule and a tutoring job at the college, I was able to maintain good grades. Going through such an intense and tough curriculum, the program provided me with the skills necessary to prepare for the challenging, yet exciting world of healthcare. Through my 8 months clinical internship at Hotel-Dieu Grace Hospital, I was exposed to real world case scenarios where I was evaluated on critical thinking and ability to work under stressful and critical situations.

 

During and after the last semester of the program, I got the opportunity to shadow a specialist, Dr. Shawki. I was offered to work with him at his clinic doing basic tasks such as taking patient history, weight and blood pressure. This was a great opportunity for me to enhance my communication skills with patients and get a glimpse of medical practice.

 

After successful completion of the program and the national certification exam, I was ready to enter the workforce as a healthcare professional. I was hired at Hotel-Dieu Grace hospital as a medical laboratory technologist (MLT) in chemistry, hematology and transfusion medicine. Through work, I improved on problem-solving and communication skills. I developed mutual trust and respect with patients, physicians, nurses and other healthcare professionals. My efforts and dedication in providing the best quality service were demonstrated in a recognition I received in the hospital’s newsletter. The OR staff wrote in recognition of my professionalism and the hard work I put through while assisting them in resuscitation efforts of a critical patient that required massive transfusions.

 

In June 2011, I got a second job at Detroit Receiving Hospital’s ER stat lab. This new position opened the door for a new challenging experience at the city’s level one trauma hospital. There, I got exposed to working under high levels of stress since time was absolutely critical for every test performed.

 

Through my career, I worked on my professional development. I attended several educational and medical conferences that discuss different medical issues and the latest on new technologies and treatment methods. In addition, I am in the process of developing leadership and educational skills in my recent assignment as the chemistry instructor, where I will be responsible to help MLT student interns to develop necessary skills in the chemistry department and carry out their practical evaluations.

 

As part of my job as an MLT, I perform phlebotomy routinely during morning rounds. I interact with patients in different medical areas such as ER, ICU, orthopedics, internal medicine, and neurosurgery. The enthusiasm and joy I felt when interacting with patients has greatly sparked my interest in medical practice; this is where I found my new passion for a career in medical practice.

 

When I heard about the physician assistant profession the first time, I didn’t have much knowledge about it, since it is relatively a new field in Canada. I did a lot of research, talked to PA’s at work and observed their interaction with patients, and joined an online PA forum to learn more about the profession. I finally reached a decision that I would like to pursue a career as a PA because it is a dynamic field filled with a variety of opportunities to work in different medical areas and specialties. I admire the autonomy, critical thinking and patient interaction involved in this job. The length of the program also played an important factor in my decision to pursue this career as I am willing to start a family soon with the least amount of school debt.

 

I believe that my strong academic background, my dedication, compassion, and skills and medical knowledge I acquired from my experience at work and with patients will help me succeed in the program. Having grown up in a war-torn country and witnessing people suffer from the lack of medical care, my goal as a PA would be to serve the medically underserved population and those with limited access to healthcare.

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So this is my first draft. It is long and I tried very hard to cut it short, I'm just struggling with making it even shorter since I'm 100 words over the limit. I feel like I have a lot to say but not much room. I would appreciate your critique and any suggestions regarding irrelevant or unnecessary content. Also if anything sounds vague, I tried my best to make it clear as english is my second language. Thanks!

 

 

I want to make a difference in the lives of people; that is my goal in life! Ever since I was a child, I grew up with curiosity and interest in the human body. I have always aspired for a career in the sciences and medicine. I decided to pursue my post-secondary education in medical laboratory science because it combined my interest in laboratory work and medical knowledge. I joined a rigorous 4 year concurrent program at University of Windsor and St. Clair College. With a busy class schedule and a tutoring job at the college, I was able to maintain good grades. Going through such an intense and tough curriculum, the program provided me with the skills necessary to prepare for the challenging, yet exciting world of healthcare. Through my 8 months clinical internship at Hotel-Dieu Grace Hospital, I was exposed to real world case scenarios where I was evaluated on critical thinking and ability to work under stressful and critical situations.

 

During and after the last semester of the program, I got the opportunity to shadow a specialist, Dr. Shawki. I was offered to work with him at his clinic doing basic tasks such as taking patient history, weight and blood pressure. This was a great opportunity for me to enhance my communication skills with patients and get a glimpse of medical practice.

 

After successful completion of the program and the national certification exam, I was ready to enter the workforce as a healthcare professional. I was hired at Hotel-Dieu Grace hospital as a medical laboratory technologist (MLT) in chemistry, hematology and transfusion medicine. Through work, I improved on problem-solving and communication skills. I developed mutual trust and respect with patients, physicians, nurses and other healthcare professionals. My efforts and dedication in providing the best quality service were demonstrated in a recognition I received in the hospital’s newsletter. The OR staff wrote in recognition of my professionalism and the hard work I put through while assisting them in resuscitation efforts of a critical patient that required massive transfusions.

 

In June 2011, I got a second job at Detroit Receiving Hospital’s ER stat lab. This new position opened the door for a new challenging experience at the city’s level one trauma hospital. There, I got exposed to working under high levels of stress since time was absolutely critical for every test performed.

 

Through my career, I worked on my professional development. I attended several educational and medical conferences that discuss different medical issues and the latest on new technologies and treatment methods. In addition, I am in the process of developing leadership and educational skills in my recent assignment as the chemistry instructor, where I will be responsible to help MLT student interns to develop necessary skills in the chemistry department and carry out their practical evaluations.

 

As part of my job as an MLT, I perform phlebotomy routinely during morning rounds. I interact with patients in different medical areas such as ER, ICU, orthopedics, internal medicine, and neurosurgery. The enthusiasm and joy I felt when interacting with patients has greatly sparked my interest in medical practice; this is where I found my new passion for a career in medical practice.

 

When I heard about the physician assistant profession the first time, I didn’t have much knowledge about it, since it is relatively a new field in Canada. I did a lot of research, talked to PA’s at work and observed their interaction with patients, and joined an online PA forum to learn more about the profession. I finally reached a decision that I would like to pursue a career as a PA because it is a dynamic field filled with a variety of opportunities to work in different medical areas and specialties. I admire the autonomy, critical thinking and patient interaction involved in this job. The length of the program also played an important factor in my decision to pursue this career as I am willing to start a family soon with the least amount of school debt.

 

I believe that my strong academic background, my dedication, compassion, and skills and medical knowledge I acquired from my experience at work and with patients will help me succeed in the program. Having grown up in a war-torn country and witnessing people suffer from the lack of medical care, my goal as a PA would be to serve the medically underserved population and those with limited access to healthcare.

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I feel your pain in your attempts to shorten your essay. I too have been struggling and beating my essay with big sticks. Here's my 2cents that I have for you:

 

I found your PS intersting enough, but the paragraph that really caught my attnetion was the last one. The part about "being from a war-torn country" made me want to know more about what you meant. What did you see? What did you experience? Was there something about it that relates to your dream of becoming a PA? This could be somethign that sets you apart from the rest. Maybe consider opening with it.

 

Your opening line:"I want to make a diference in people's lives".....yes.....we all do.....it's trite. Maybe express that feeling but in a "wow" sort of way.

 

The body of your PS shows a lot of dedication and hard work, but I couldn't wait to get to the part about why you wanted to be a PA....maybe express sooner why a PA and not a Dr, or NP...etc.

 

Ok that's about all I have for now. Take it with a grain of salt. Just one person's opinion =}

 

Good luck!

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I feel your pain in your attempts to shorten your essay. I too have been struggling and beating my essay with big sticks. Here's my 2cents that I have for you:

 

I found your PS intersting enough, but the paragraph that really caught my attnetion was the last one. The part about "being from a war-torn country" made me want to know more about what you meant. What did you see? What did you experience? Was there something about it that relates to your dream of becoming a PA? This could be somethign that sets you apart from the rest. Maybe consider opening with it.

 

Your opening line:"I want to make a diference in people's lives".....yes.....we all do.....it's trite. Maybe express that feeling but in a "wow" sort of way.

 

The body of your PS shows a lot of dedication and hard work, but I couldn't wait to get to the part about why you wanted to be a PA....maybe express sooner why a PA and not a Dr, or NP...etc.

 

Ok that's about all I have for now. Take it with a grain of salt. Just one person's opinion =}

 

Good luck!

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I feel your pain in your attempts to shorten your essay. I too have been struggling and beating my essay with big sticks. Here's my 2cents that I have for you:

 

I found your PS intersting enough, but the paragraph that really caught my attnetion was the last one. The part about "being from a war-torn country" made me want to know more about what you meant. What did you see? What did you experience? Was there something about it that relates to your dream of becoming a PA? This could be somethign that sets you apart from the rest. Maybe consider opening with it.

 

Your opening line:"I want to make a diference in people's lives".....yes.....we all do.....it's trite. Maybe express that feeling but in a "wow" sort of way.

 

The body of your PS shows a lot of dedication and hard work, but I couldn't wait to get to the part about why you wanted to be a PA....maybe express sooner why a PA and not a Dr, or NP...etc.

 

Ok that's about all I have for now. Take it with a grain of salt. Just one person's opinion =}

 

Good luck!

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So this is my first draft. It is long and I tried very hard to cut it short, I'm just struggling with making it even shorter since I'm 100 words over the limit. I feel like I have a lot to say but not much room. I would appreciate your critique and any suggestions regarding irrelevant or unnecessary content. Also if anything sounds vague, I tried my best to make it clear as english is my second language. Thanks!

 

 

I want to make a difference in the lives of people; that is my goal in life! Ever since I was a child, I'd strike the preceding line. Adds very little value to your letterI grew up with curiosity and interest in the human body. I have always aspired for a career in the sciences and medicine. I decided to pursue my post-secondary education in medical laboratory science because it combined my interest in laboratory work and medical knowledge. I joined a rigorous 4 year concurrent program at University of Windsor and St. Clair College. With a busy class schedule and a tutoring job at the college, I was able to maintain good grades. Going through such an intense and tough curriculum, the program provided me with the skills necessary to prepare for the challenging, yet exciting world of healthcare. Through my 8 months clinical internship at Hotel-Dieu Grace Hospital, I was exposed to real world case scenarios where I was evaluated on critical thinking and ability to work under stressful and critical situations. Within this paragraph you use a lot of adjectives to convey how difficult and arduous your program and training was. I understand your desire to convey how hard you worked in order to succeed but to me, it's a lot of added words that don't add a lot to a letter about you. Phrases like "Going through such an intense and tough curriculum, the program provided me with the skills.......Through my 8 months........." That whole phrase adds nothing to your letter in my opinion. Everyone works hard, everyone believes their post grad, under grad, whatever grad program is the hardest and most arduous. I see it as unneeded pageantry.

 

During and after the last semester of the program, More words that are not neededI got the opportunity to shadow a specialist, Dr. Shawki. I was offered to work with him at his clinic doing basic tasks such as taking patient history, weight and blood pressure. This was a great opportunity for me to enhance my communication skills with patients and get a glimpse of medical practice. Shadowing is already understood to be a great opportunity.. the adcoms don't really need you to remind them what shadowing does for an applicant.

 

After successful completion of the program and the national certification exam, I was ready to enter the workforce as a healthcare professional. If you were hired, as described in the next sentence, then your previous sentence is self evident.. they are not going to hire you if you didn't pass. Can strike that first sentence, saving more words.I was hired at Hotel-Dieu Grace hospital as a medical laboratory technologist (MLT) in chemistry, hematology and transfusion medicine. Through work, I improved on problem-solving and communication skills. I developed mutual trust and respect with patients, physicians, nurses and other healthcare professionals. My efforts and dedication in providing the best quality service were demonstrated in a recognition I received in the hospital’s newsletter. The OR staff wrote in recognition of my professionalism and the hard work I put through while assisting them in resuscitation efforts of a critical patient that required massive transfusions.

 

In June 2011, I got a second job at Detroit Receiving Hospital’s ER stat lab. This new position opened the door for a new challenging experience at the city’s level one trauma hospital. There, I got exposed to working under high levels of stress since time was absolutely critical for every test performed.

 

Through my career, I worked on my professional development. I attended several educational and medical conferences that discuss different medical issues and the latest on new technologies and treatment methods. In addition, I am in the process of developing leadership and educational skills in my recent assignment as the chemistry instructor, where I will be responsible to help MLT student interns to develop necessary skills in the chemistry department and carry out their practical evaluations.

 

As part of my job as an MLT, I perform phlebotomy routinely during morning rounds. I interact with patients in different medical areas such as ER, ICU, orthopedics, internal medicine, and neurosurgery. The enthusiasm and joy I felt when interacting with patients has greatly sparked my interest in medical practice; this is where I found my new passion for a career in medical practice. Earlier in your letter you say you have always had a passion for medicine, that you grew up with it. Here, in this paragraph, you say you found your new passion for a career in medical practice. I think you are trying to convey that you want out of the lab and desire to work hands on with patients but if that's the case, your sentence doesn't work. It reads as if you are just now getting inspired, which runs contradictory to what you already wrote. I'd suggest a re wording

 

When I heard about the physician assistant profession the first time, I didn’t have much knowledge about it, since it is relatively a new field in Canada. I did a lot of research, talked to PA’s at work and observed their interaction with patients, and joined an online PA forum to learn more about the profession. I finally reached a decision that I would like to pursue a career as a PA because it is a dynamic field filled with a variety of opportunities to work in different medical areas and specialties. I admire the autonomy, critical thinking and patient interaction involved in this job. The length of the program also played an important factor in my decision to pursue this career as I am willing to start a family soon with the least amount of school debt.

 

I believe that my strong academic background, my dedication, compassion, and skills and medical knowledge I acquired from my experience at work and with patients will help me succeed in the program. Having grown up in a war-torn country and witnessing people suffer from the lack of medical care, my goal as a PA would be to serve the medically underserved population and those with limited access to healthcare.

your closing sentence seems to be added as an afterthought. You are spending an awful lot of time in your letter talking about how grand and difficult your education was and how a level 1 trauma center kept you busy...that is the same story that every med tech from here to Texas can tell. It doesn't make you stand out at all. I realize you feel special in your accomplishments through your studies but so does ever other successful post grad employee. What not every med tech can say though is that they grew up in a war torn country. How did you get from whatever country you are from to Canada? Those sort of life experiences will help sell your story. AdComs know what med techs do. They don't need a reminder. What they need is for you to tell your story about your life, what sets you apart.

 

Good luck

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So this is my first draft. It is long and I tried very hard to cut it short, I'm just struggling with making it even shorter since I'm 100 words over the limit. I feel like I have a lot to say but not much room. I would appreciate your critique and any suggestions regarding irrelevant or unnecessary content. Also if anything sounds vague, I tried my best to make it clear as english is my second language. Thanks!

 

 

I want to make a difference in the lives of people; that is my goal in life! Ever since I was a child, I'd strike the preceding line. Adds very little value to your letterI grew up with curiosity and interest in the human body. I have always aspired for a career in the sciences and medicine. I decided to pursue my post-secondary education in medical laboratory science because it combined my interest in laboratory work and medical knowledge. I joined a rigorous 4 year concurrent program at University of Windsor and St. Clair College. With a busy class schedule and a tutoring job at the college, I was able to maintain good grades. Going through such an intense and tough curriculum, the program provided me with the skills necessary to prepare for the challenging, yet exciting world of healthcare. Through my 8 months clinical internship at Hotel-Dieu Grace Hospital, I was exposed to real world case scenarios where I was evaluated on critical thinking and ability to work under stressful and critical situations. Within this paragraph you use a lot of adjectives to convey how difficult and arduous your program and training was. I understand your desire to convey how hard you worked in order to succeed but to me, it's a lot of added words that don't add a lot to a letter about you. Phrases like "Going through such an intense and tough curriculum, the program provided me with the skills.......Through my 8 months........." That whole phrase adds nothing to your letter in my opinion. Everyone works hard, everyone believes their post grad, under grad, whatever grad program is the hardest and most arduous. I see it as unneeded pageantry.

 

During and after the last semester of the program, More words that are not neededI got the opportunity to shadow a specialist, Dr. Shawki. I was offered to work with him at his clinic doing basic tasks such as taking patient history, weight and blood pressure. This was a great opportunity for me to enhance my communication skills with patients and get a glimpse of medical practice. Shadowing is already understood to be a great opportunity.. the adcoms don't really need you to remind them what shadowing does for an applicant.

 

After successful completion of the program and the national certification exam, I was ready to enter the workforce as a healthcare professional. If you were hired, as described in the next sentence, then your previous sentence is self evident.. they are not going to hire you if you didn't pass. Can strike that first sentence, saving more words.I was hired at Hotel-Dieu Grace hospital as a medical laboratory technologist (MLT) in chemistry, hematology and transfusion medicine. Through work, I improved on problem-solving and communication skills. I developed mutual trust and respect with patients, physicians, nurses and other healthcare professionals. My efforts and dedication in providing the best quality service were demonstrated in a recognition I received in the hospital’s newsletter. The OR staff wrote in recognition of my professionalism and the hard work I put through while assisting them in resuscitation efforts of a critical patient that required massive transfusions.

 

In June 2011, I got a second job at Detroit Receiving Hospital’s ER stat lab. This new position opened the door for a new challenging experience at the city’s level one trauma hospital. There, I got exposed to working under high levels of stress since time was absolutely critical for every test performed.

 

Through my career, I worked on my professional development. I attended several educational and medical conferences that discuss different medical issues and the latest on new technologies and treatment methods. In addition, I am in the process of developing leadership and educational skills in my recent assignment as the chemistry instructor, where I will be responsible to help MLT student interns to develop necessary skills in the chemistry department and carry out their practical evaluations.

 

As part of my job as an MLT, I perform phlebotomy routinely during morning rounds. I interact with patients in different medical areas such as ER, ICU, orthopedics, internal medicine, and neurosurgery. The enthusiasm and joy I felt when interacting with patients has greatly sparked my interest in medical practice; this is where I found my new passion for a career in medical practice. Earlier in your letter you say you have always had a passion for medicine, that you grew up with it. Here, in this paragraph, you say you found your new passion for a career in medical practice. I think you are trying to convey that you want out of the lab and desire to work hands on with patients but if that's the case, your sentence doesn't work. It reads as if you are just now getting inspired, which runs contradictory to what you already wrote. I'd suggest a re wording

 

When I heard about the physician assistant profession the first time, I didn’t have much knowledge about it, since it is relatively a new field in Canada. I did a lot of research, talked to PA’s at work and observed their interaction with patients, and joined an online PA forum to learn more about the profession. I finally reached a decision that I would like to pursue a career as a PA because it is a dynamic field filled with a variety of opportunities to work in different medical areas and specialties. I admire the autonomy, critical thinking and patient interaction involved in this job. The length of the program also played an important factor in my decision to pursue this career as I am willing to start a family soon with the least amount of school debt.

 

I believe that my strong academic background, my dedication, compassion, and skills and medical knowledge I acquired from my experience at work and with patients will help me succeed in the program. Having grown up in a war-torn country and witnessing people suffer from the lack of medical care, my goal as a PA would be to serve the medically underserved population and those with limited access to healthcare.

your closing sentence seems to be added as an afterthought. You are spending an awful lot of time in your letter talking about how grand and difficult your education was and how a level 1 trauma center kept you busy...that is the same story that every med tech from here to Texas can tell. It doesn't make you stand out at all. I realize you feel special in your accomplishments through your studies but so does ever other successful post grad employee. What not every med tech can say though is that they grew up in a war torn country. How did you get from whatever country you are from to Canada? Those sort of life experiences will help sell your story. AdComs know what med techs do. They don't need a reminder. What they need is for you to tell your story about your life, what sets you apart.

 

Good luck

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So this is my first draft. It is long and I tried very hard to cut it short, I'm just struggling with making it even shorter since I'm 100 words over the limit. I feel like I have a lot to say but not much room. I would appreciate your critique and any suggestions regarding irrelevant or unnecessary content. Also if anything sounds vague, I tried my best to make it clear as english is my second language. Thanks!

 

 

I want to make a difference in the lives of people; that is my goal in life! Ever since I was a child, I'd strike the preceding line. Adds very little value to your letterI grew up with curiosity and interest in the human body. I have always aspired for a career in the sciences and medicine. I decided to pursue my post-secondary education in medical laboratory science because it combined my interest in laboratory work and medical knowledge. I joined a rigorous 4 year concurrent program at University of Windsor and St. Clair College. With a busy class schedule and a tutoring job at the college, I was able to maintain good grades. Going through such an intense and tough curriculum, the program provided me with the skills necessary to prepare for the challenging, yet exciting world of healthcare. Through my 8 months clinical internship at Hotel-Dieu Grace Hospital, I was exposed to real world case scenarios where I was evaluated on critical thinking and ability to work under stressful and critical situations. Within this paragraph you use a lot of adjectives to convey how difficult and arduous your program and training was. I understand your desire to convey how hard you worked in order to succeed but to me, it's a lot of added words that don't add a lot to a letter about you. Phrases like "Going through such an intense and tough curriculum, the program provided me with the skills.......Through my 8 months........." That whole phrase adds nothing to your letter in my opinion. Everyone works hard, everyone believes their post grad, under grad, whatever grad program is the hardest and most arduous. I see it as unneeded pageantry.

 

During and after the last semester of the program, More words that are not neededI got the opportunity to shadow a specialist, Dr. Shawki. I was offered to work with him at his clinic doing basic tasks such as taking patient history, weight and blood pressure. This was a great opportunity for me to enhance my communication skills with patients and get a glimpse of medical practice. Shadowing is already understood to be a great opportunity.. the adcoms don't really need you to remind them what shadowing does for an applicant.

 

After successful completion of the program and the national certification exam, I was ready to enter the workforce as a healthcare professional. If you were hired, as described in the next sentence, then your previous sentence is self evident.. they are not going to hire you if you didn't pass. Can strike that first sentence, saving more words.I was hired at Hotel-Dieu Grace hospital as a medical laboratory technologist (MLT) in chemistry, hematology and transfusion medicine. Through work, I improved on problem-solving and communication skills. I developed mutual trust and respect with patients, physicians, nurses and other healthcare professionals. My efforts and dedication in providing the best quality service were demonstrated in a recognition I received in the hospital’s newsletter. The OR staff wrote in recognition of my professionalism and the hard work I put through while assisting them in resuscitation efforts of a critical patient that required massive transfusions.

 

In June 2011, I got a second job at Detroit Receiving Hospital’s ER stat lab. This new position opened the door for a new challenging experience at the city’s level one trauma hospital. There, I got exposed to working under high levels of stress since time was absolutely critical for every test performed.

 

Through my career, I worked on my professional development. I attended several educational and medical conferences that discuss different medical issues and the latest on new technologies and treatment methods. In addition, I am in the process of developing leadership and educational skills in my recent assignment as the chemistry instructor, where I will be responsible to help MLT student interns to develop necessary skills in the chemistry department and carry out their practical evaluations.

 

As part of my job as an MLT, I perform phlebotomy routinely during morning rounds. I interact with patients in different medical areas such as ER, ICU, orthopedics, internal medicine, and neurosurgery. The enthusiasm and joy I felt when interacting with patients has greatly sparked my interest in medical practice; this is where I found my new passion for a career in medical practice. Earlier in your letter you say you have always had a passion for medicine, that you grew up with it. Here, in this paragraph, you say you found your new passion for a career in medical practice. I think you are trying to convey that you want out of the lab and desire to work hands on with patients but if that's the case, your sentence doesn't work. It reads as if you are just now getting inspired, which runs contradictory to what you already wrote. I'd suggest a re wording

 

When I heard about the physician assistant profession the first time, I didn’t have much knowledge about it, since it is relatively a new field in Canada. I did a lot of research, talked to PA’s at work and observed their interaction with patients, and joined an online PA forum to learn more about the profession. I finally reached a decision that I would like to pursue a career as a PA because it is a dynamic field filled with a variety of opportunities to work in different medical areas and specialties. I admire the autonomy, critical thinking and patient interaction involved in this job. The length of the program also played an important factor in my decision to pursue this career as I am willing to start a family soon with the least amount of school debt.

 

I believe that my strong academic background, my dedication, compassion, and skills and medical knowledge I acquired from my experience at work and with patients will help me succeed in the program. Having grown up in a war-torn country and witnessing people suffer from the lack of medical care, my goal as a PA would be to serve the medically underserved population and those with limited access to healthcare.

your closing sentence seems to be added as an afterthought. You are spending an awful lot of time in your letter talking about how grand and difficult your education was and how a level 1 trauma center kept you busy...that is the same story that every med tech from here to Texas can tell. It doesn't make you stand out at all. I realize you feel special in your accomplishments through your studies but so does ever other successful post grad employee. What not every med tech can say though is that they grew up in a war torn country. How did you get from whatever country you are from to Canada? Those sort of life experiences will help sell your story. AdComs know what med techs do. They don't need a reminder. What they need is for you to tell your story about your life, what sets you apart.

 

Good luck

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Just Steve, thanks for your critique. One of the things I struggled with is not being sure what kind of things to focus on in my PS. I felt that I should focus more on my education and work experience instead of my life experience. I will re-write this draft accordingly, thanks for the suggestions!

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Just Steve, thanks for your critique. One of the things I struggled with is not being sure what kind of things to focus on in my PS. I felt that I should focus more on my education and work experience instead of my life experience. I will re-write this draft accordingly, thanks for the suggestions!

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Just Steve, thanks for your critique. One of the things I struggled with is not being sure what kind of things to focus on in my PS. I felt that I should focus more on my education and work experience instead of my life experience. I will re-write this draft accordingly, thanks for the suggestions!

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