Is this my final draft????

[sarinalynn]

I have wrote, re-wrote, and even got some outside help from someone with PS experience.. This is my final product, I think... It would be great to get some more feedback... Thanks..

 

Over the course of their young life, every child is asked what they want to be when they grow up. In kindergarten, I enthusiastically replied, “I’m going to be a neurosurgeon!” Over time my dreams of neurosurgery evolved into the field of ophthalmology, an adventure that I have made a career out of. More recently I have found a passion for pursuing the path of a Physician Assistant (PA).

 

About 10 years ago, the physician I worked for had some advice for me that changed my life. He saw potential that I had not yet seen. He encouraged me to seriously consider obtaining a medical degree. The more I thought about it, I knew becoming a registered nurse (RN) was out of the question. I thoroughly enjoyed the diagnostic facet of practicing medicine, which would not be fulfilled by an RN degree. Becoming a Nurse Practitioner was an option; however the aspect of being governed by the nursing board and studying towards one specialty of medicine discouraged me. Upon researching various medical careers, I knew being a PA was the right path for me. As a PA, I would independently diagnose and treat patients, but I would have the luxury of having a physician nearby to consult with if a second opinion were needed. I have seen a PA for over 10 years as my primary care provider. During my visits, I would find myself thinking “this is something I would love to do.”

I was no stranger to the medical field. I attended college and found myself a position as a technician with an ophthalmologist. My two decade career has been a stimulating and rewarding one. During clinic, I would observe the exam and find myself coming up with a diagnosis and treatment plan in my head. My skills and experience were used to promote efficiency in clinic by performing the preliminary testing and post-exam patient education. They would feel satisfied upon leaving, with all their questions answered. From the geriatric adult to the premature child, I encountered a variety of patients with varying illnesses.

 

An aspiration of mine has been to help those that are underserved. Volunteering at a clinic in Baja California, México reinforced this desire. I assisted in cataract surgery and performed pre-surgery exams in patients suffering with extreme vision loss. The joy that these patients exude is indescribable. My volunteer work continued at a local hospital, Banner Desert Hospital, where I was able to help patients and their families find comfort while being at the hospital. Using my expertise and experience to better others is an incomparable reward.

When I first began my college career 20 years ago, my discipline to succeed was not as strong as it is now. Since then, I have completed my degree in psychology and all the required pre-requisites attending night classes while working full-time during the day. Even with being a single parent to a young child, I have been able to improve my grades dramatically from my early college years. It has not been an easy journey; it has required persistence, determination and careful balance of my three worlds of school, work, and family. Needless to say, my discipline to succeed has grown tremendously. I have matured into a well rounded student and my passion for helping others has been magnified.

 

In the past year I have continued working full time with a retina specialist and keeping up with 90 hours of volunteer work at the hospital. In addition to finishing my general science classes I completed courses in medical Spanish and medical terminology, while securing A’s in these classes. I was also afforded great opportunities to shadow an emergency room PA, an orthopedic PA and a nurse practitioner in internal medicine. These experiences gave me the chance to observe how a PA is used in clinic, the operating room and in emergency situations. This has greatly escalated my aspiration to persist in fighting towards my dream.

 

I have more than just completed my degree in psychology and pre-requisite science courses; I have excelled. Half my life has been spent in patient care and I know without a shadow of doubt, this is where I belong. I know that I will be a compassionate, dedicated, and committed PA. My health care and life experiences will be used efficiently and effectively to assist those that I can. My patients will benefit from the confidence I possess, by methodically treating them as a whole, not just as a symptom. I look forward to the challenges that a rigorous PA program offers and hope that someday a patient of mine will look at me and think “this is something I would love to do”.

[IdahoPA]

* I have written, and re-written...

 

Anyhow, this PS tells me almost nothing about why you went from neurosurgery to eyes to PA. It comes across like you really don't know much about the field. (Not saying that's true, just saying it sounds like it.) I would like to hear more about your hospital experiences where you interacted with patients outside of eye concerns. Also, you could prob word your observations about RNs and NPs better. Highlight the positives of the PA field, rather than point out the negatives of another one.

 

I'm also going to try to put this next observation delicately...the overall style seems more conversational and less scholarly. It's almost like we're talking, but your thoughts aren't really complete.

[2full2eat]

Something that sticks out to me often with others and I saw with you here too, are the capitalization of job titles when you aren't referring to a specific person. Job titles don't get capitalized (unless abbreviated) when used in a sentence without a name. Some people prefer to do use caps, however, I noticed with you, the caps didnt show up on all job titles. You should keep it one way, if not the other.

Example:

"More recently I have found a passion for pursuing the path of a Physician Assistant (PA).

 

About 10 years ago, the physician I worked for had some advice for me that changed my life. He saw potential that I had not yet seen. He encouraged me to seriously consider obtaining a medical degree. The more I thought about it, I knew becoming a registered nurse (RN) was out of the question. I thoroughly enjoyed the diagnostic facet of practicing medicine, which would not be fulfilled by an RN degree. Becoming a Nurse Practitioner was an option;"

 

In this few sentences you capitalize 1. Physician Assistant, 2. Nurse Practitioner. However, job titles not capitalized are 1. Physician, 2. Registered Nurse. For me its something that sticks out since they are all so close together in your paragraphs and sentences. Why should PA be capitalized but physician not?

 

Reference:

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/capitals.htm

[dkwee]

Over the course of their young life, every child is asked what they want to be when they grow up. In kindergarten, I enthusiastically replied, “I’m going to be a neurosurgeon!” Over time my dreams of neurosurgery evolved into the field of ophthalmology, an adventure that I have made a career out of. More recently I have found a passion for pursuing the path of a Physician Assistant (PA).

 

When I read this, I was excited thinking that you might explain how you acquired that passion. I found myself asking "why a PA and not a Physician?". It was a great move to focus on medicine and to bring up being "governed by the nursing board". I thought this was quite an enjoyable read. Well written!

[sarinalynn]

Thanks 2full for the clarification. The capitals on job titles has perplexed me.. I reviewed a few other PS online and in books and found it both ways.. Ill Take out the caps :)

 

Thanks everyone for the input. Ill work on it a bit more while I wait for my last LOR.