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Unable to make friends w/ classmates...


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Hey Guys!

This may sound silly to some of you but I’m going through my second month of PA school and although academically I’m doing ok (although it’s a struggle) I’m having a hard time clicking with classmates. I attend a small program that has 41ppl. We have a few quiet people who are like ghosts and disappear the moment they get the chance and everyone else is either in their own clique or the f***ng life of the party.... 24/7! I’m 30, tired, and just trying to stay sane, alive, and PASS this brutally damned year. Because I don’t go drinking with them every weekend, I’m like an outsider. 

To make matters worse, the adcoms made the wonderful decision of accepting an odd number of people. To make the story short: every SINGLE time we do partner stuff, so every week, I’m left standing alone as lucky #41... 

Anyone else experience this? I am social and talk to a lot of people and have interacted in lab and in clinical. But at the end of the day, I don’t feel like I’ve made friends and this partner thing is driving me crazy! I worked so hard to get here and am paying so much, I feel like I shouldn’t have to worry about this for the rest of the year.

Should I just bite the bullet and accept this will be the rest of the year? Is it really important to make connections given im guaranteed a job when I get out? I’m baffled how quickly people have become so close in a month... especially when some of those people have already claimed they’re going back to their state home towns once this is over... and have even rotations lined up for out of state... WTF?!

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First of all, if there’s an odd number of people, you’ve got to have a partner for some exercises so there’s going to be a group of 3. Either find two people to join or ask your prof to put you in one.

If you won’t socialize, it’s hard to make friends. I was way way older than you... and way way more tired! And my classmates were younger than most of my kids! They could go out and party all night but I wanted to be home by 10 and I was. Instead, I’d go out for a quick beer or dinner a few times a week, talking during breaks, inviting a few to come over for a beer after class now and then, etc. Find a likely friend and go for it!

Stop thinking how different you are and instead recognize that you’re in the same infantry platoon, dealing with the same stresses, each in his or her own way. In the end, you can have some of the best friendships of your life.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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On 10/5/2019 at 2:09 AM, MishaShisha said:

Hey Guys!

This may sound silly to some of you but I’m going through my second month of PA school and although academically I’m doing ok (although it’s a struggle) I’m having a hard time clicking with classmates. I attend a small program that has 41ppl. We have a few quiet people who are like ghosts and disappear the moment they get the chance and everyone else is either in their own clique or the f***ng life of the party.... 24/7! I’m 30, tired, and just trying to stay sane, alive, and PASS this brutally damned year. Because I don’t go drinking with them every weekend, I’m like an outsider. 

To make matters worse, the adcoms made the wonderful decision of accepting an odd number of people. To make the story short: every SINGLE time we do partner stuff, so every week, I’m left standing alone as lucky #41... 

Anyone else experience this? I am social and talk to a lot of people and have interacted in lab and in clinical. But at the end of the day, I don’t feel like I’ve made friends and this partner thing is driving me crazy! I worked so hard to get here and am paying so much, I feel like I shouldn’t have to worry about this for the rest of the year.

Should I just bite the bullet and accept this will be the rest of the year? Is it really important to make connections given im guaranteed a job when I get out? I’m baffled how quickly people have become so close in a month... especially when some of those people have already claimed they’re going back to their state home towns once this is over... and have even rotations lined up for out of state... WTF?!

So don't worry about it?  I know it sounds patronizing, but it's only a problem because you find it to be one.

I was a quiet one who peaced out the minute class was over.  I had the classmates I talked to on breaks and texted/messaged when not on campus, but I rarely went out with the group.  I consciously made that decision and it ultimately resulted in me not being part of any of the cliques.

Some groups were/are very close and even after graduation still socialize and plan trips - those that live in the same city as well as those that moved away.  I keep in touch with a select few and went on with my life.

If you WANT to be part of a group/make friends, you have the make the effort.  There's no reason you HAVE to be friends with your classmates.

 

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Guest HanSolo

It's also pretty early. If you go by the stages of group development, your class is probably somewhere between "forming" and "storming." 

I mostly kept to myself and studied alone early on. I prioritized spending time with my wife and dog, and actually made an effort to make friends outside of school since I had moved to a new city. I didn't really have any friends in my program until 5-6 months in. People became a lot more "real" by that point and stopped trying to prove themselves. I think they also realized it wasn't undergrad anymore. Things will get better. 

If it helps, I was your age when I started.

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I made my friends by inviting lots of people out for things that I wanted to do, like rock climbing, frisbee golf, hiking, and the like. People who didn’t like the things I liked (and preferred going out drinking) stayed home, and people I was more likely to click with who came out. I made a few friends, but also my best friend who now I’ve talked to nearly everyday for 5 years 🙂

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  • 2 weeks later...

Its still pretty early in the program. I remember we had few quiet students in our class and when I got to know them over time I found them to be the smartest and funniest people. 

Invite some people over for a study group. Pizza and beer. People tend to connect and really be a motivation for each other in stressful times. Eventually you will find like minded people.

 

 

 

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You are still pretty early into your program. Your classmates are still "learning" each other. My program is 5 months in and we are just now getting used to each other and are more comfortable. In a few months you'll all probably be more comfortable and more approachable to do things. But be open to social interaction if you're desiring it with your cohort. Don't close yourself off. If classmates have a social event, go. Make your own events (BBQ, bar night, chili night, etc. etc. ). But don't feel obligated. Remember your in PA school for a reason.

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