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Please help me with my narrative for CASPA


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Hi, there,

I am in the process of applying PA through CASPA. I am a PhD and has been in cancer research for many years. At age 35 with 2 kids, I decided to leave basic research and go for PA. I dont have a lot of clinical experience except volunteer for half a year and shadowing PA once and a internist for 4 month. I am hoping my PS will stand out. Please give me as much critiques as possible and correct my grammer and word usage too since I am not a native English speaker. Many thanks.

 

Growing up, I watched my younger brother in and out of hospital, taking all kinds of shots and medications because of his weakened immune system. I remembered how horrified our family was when he was rushed to emergency room with acute nephritis and the doctor told us to prepare for the worst. So I chose biology as major when I applied college with the desire to understand the mechanisms of life and treat diseases from their root.

During my undergraduate and master years, I grew interested in cancer field, so I chose cancer research as my PhD study area in Pharmacology Department of School of Medicine, Indiana University. I sincerely love research. I worked hard and hope to find the “magic medicine” that can cure cancers. During my PhD years, I was concentrating on finding the treatment targets in cancer cell models. My experiments brought me good results, great publications, grant from Department of Defense, and graduation with honor. However, I was always stumbled and felt inadequate when asked by peer scientists during presentations about how my results in cells can be translated into human conditions. With the expectation to further explore cancer treatment in living systems, I started my postdoctoral work at Wells Center for Pediatric Research in a lab well-known for animal model studies for cancer development and treatment. Animal models provided more “live experiences”, but it is far away from what I am really looking for—personal interactions. The mouse can’t tell you how he feels when carrying cancer, when going through chemo or radiation treatment, or when the cancer cells metastasized, they only bite when feel bad. From my years of basic research experience, I have learned one lesson: a researcher without clinical training may publish great papers, but can hardly make direct impacts on patients. Besides, I will never feel completed by only saving cells or mouse from cancer. After thorough research of my possible future careers in clinical medicine, I decided to become a physician assistant (PA), a profession which not only makes it easier for me to specialize in oncology after graduation, but allows for a balance between my family life and my career.

To learn more about real patients, I did several volunteer and shadowing. My volunteer and shadowing experience in clinical research center in IU university hospital revealed to me how different human and mice react to illness. I enjoyed the hand-on experiences such as taking patients’ vital signs, taking out an IV lines, doing an EKG on patients, or even participating in a clinical studies myself. I enjoyed talking to patients and learning their stories on how clinical research changed their lives. Shadowing a PA in emergency room revealed to me how a PA worked independently yet interactively with doctors. The most intense yet most fulfilling experience was to shadow Dr. Adkins, an internist who specialized in cardiovascular disease prevention. I went to his clinic 2 days a week and followed him to see more than 30 patients a week. Not only did I learn how he diagnose and treat his patients, but also how to be a responsible healthcare provider who takes time to listen to his patients and educate them to lead a healthier life. What is most impressive for me during the shadow is to find out that new techniques and research findings are used in real life, even though primitive, but benefit greatly for treatment selection for a patient. The clinical experiences make me steadfast in my belief that PA is a perfect career for me. These experiences also showed me how important it is to bridge the research in labs and patients management in real life. With my future training as a PA, combined with my advanced research experiences, I will be highly competitive in bridging this gap.

As a mother of two young boys who has been through numerous doctor visits, emergency room stays, physical therapies, and more, I know how eager patients and their family want to learn more about their disease. As a physician assistant, I will not only treat my patients, but also strive to mentor them to prevent, to fight disease and to lead healthy lifestyles. My PhD study has taught me not only skills to deal with problems but also the spirit of “never give up”. I will continue the spirit as a PA and bring the best and latest of research to benefit my patients.

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Please give me as much critiques as possible and correct my grammer and word usage too since I am not a native English speaker. Many thanks.

 

You're kidding right? And I saw that you said you're submitting this today?? I didn't even read it, because this isn't "spelling and grammar" check. That should be taken care of before you post it up here, IMO. We do our best to help with sentence structure, content, etc, in hopes that one has done "the dirty work" ahead of time. Exercise your resources on spelling and grammar. As a PhD holder, I'm sure you have some excellent resources. Good luck with the submission process.

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This personal statement would appear to hinder your chances at getting and interview/acceptance as it appears to me that the sole purpose of getting a degree as a PA would be for research purposes alone. Additionally, you state that PA's work independently - wrong. I suggest that you brush up on the role of a PA.

 

After reading this essay it would appear as though your sole purpose of pursuing a PA degree is to further your research instead of patient care. If I were on the admissions committee, I would not grant the writer of this personal statement and interview/acceptance. Your motivations for becoming a PA seem, to me at least, to be far off from what the profession is intended for. You do no seem to have a true grasp of what the profession entails, possibly due to limited exposure and understanding of the PA role.

 

The syntax of the essay needs improvement, possibly have a friend or peer review it?

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Answer this question: What is a PA? I (and admission committees) get the impression that you don't have a clue. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but how is your English this poor? You're a PhD, how can you submit reports of your studies if you can't communicate properly/effectively? You need to scrap the essay and focus on why you want to become involved in patient care, drop the research angle. Have whoever proofreads your PhD work go over your reworked essay, then have us go over it. I'm trying not to be rude here, but why should anyone waste their time rewriting every sentence?

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