tbgardner Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 So I’ve been a member for a long time. I never really post but I need some guidance from anyone that could relate. I’ve been a military spouse for 18+, my husband just retired in May and is currently working a new job. We have three girls, 16, 13, & 9. This would be my 3rd application, last cycle I was accepted, I didn’t accept the offer because of the “apparently it wasn’t a good time because of the upcoming retirement” (excuse gramma, I’m emotional right now). Now, I have explained to my spouse everything single thing about what to expect once I’m accepted into school, I also told him about how hard it is to get in. After months of being disappointed in my decision last cycle, I realized that I need to apply largely out of the area. There is only two schools close by and the others are hours away. I want to finally pursue my dreams, I sat patiently until he was done my husband with his military commitment, it’s my turn..ughh..My husband stated I can’t go alone out of state (everyone has to come along with me (as if I’m going to have enough time for everyone). Now my two oldest kids are in full support of coming. They both see how much I’ve put into this. My husband just not as supportive as I think I need him to be. I’m soo frustrated with trying to figure this out on my own. I don’t want family judging me nor him so I’m reaching out to you all. My husband is marketable, 3 degrees, 23 yrs in the military, it’s completely easy for him to find a job anywhere. My questions : is it wrong for me to move my entire family with me to pursue my dreams? I’m I being selfish to want to put me first for once? Is it only ok for the woman to move and support their husbands? Is there any men out there that would move for their wife? My husband seem to think the risky to put our family out on the limb for an “opportunity” as if its a bad opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UGoLong Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 No, it’s not wrong for you to have a dream. Whether or not your husband is going to be supportive and whether or not you all move is a shared decision, assuming you want to stay married. I was married for 35 years when I moved two hours away for PA school. My wife stayed home (it’s nice having someone working!) I went home on the weekends or my wife visited me. Our kids were grown. It worked fine for us. In a later class, a woman I mentored brought her whole family, along with a mother or mother-in-law to help with the kids. That too worked. It sounds like it’s time for a conversation with your husband, along with some team problemsolving. It will be hard to be a doting Mom when you are in PA school. Probably not impossible, but hard. Good luck. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patricia5827 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 (edited) Not selfish at all! Your husband needs to support you, just like you patiently supported him. I’m not married, still too young for that, but sit down and talk. He needs to realize this is your dream and sounds like you have a high chance of being accepted this time! i shadowed a pa who said her first year she had to move away while her husband and kids stayed at home. She said she felt terrible being away from her family but now it’s so worth it and she’s so much happier having gone to pa school. Edited July 14, 2019 by Patricia5827 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie55 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 My best friend went to PT school right after her son turned 3. The school was 3-4 hours away. She moved and her husband stayed at home with the toddler. She drove home every weekend to spend time with her family. I know it was very hard, but it worked for them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbgardner Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 I want to stay with him, I’ve been with him since I was 20... I’m knocking on 40[emoji51].. ..At this point, I almost feel that he doesn’t believe in my dream, as if I’m asking to get a career working at Walmart( not to offend anyone working there). It’s like all my hard work, it’s for nothing. I started this process with under a 2.3 gpa, with a BS, and Masters. I had to take a lot of classes to get my cgpa to 3.09.. my husband seen my path, it’s been a struggle but I’ve stayed as positive as I can. I made sure that I stayed consistent with volunteering and getting full time hours for over 3-4 years now. I can’t keep saying no to me, in order to make everyone else happy. I just don’t understand why I can’t seem to get him to understand that at some point of my life I would love to complete the one and only goal that I’ve been fighting for. I swear I’m not a bad wife or mom. I’m very predictable with everything I do: work, school, kids, husband, home, repeat.. no social life, just fighting that good ole fight to get in PA school.. sorry for the rant!!! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UGoLong Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 I want to stay with him, I’ve been with him since I was 20... I’m knocking on 40[emoji51].. ..At this point, I almost feel that he doesn’t believe in my dream, as if I’m asking to get a career working at Walmart( not to offend anyone working there). It’s like all my hard work, it’s for nothing. I started this process with under a 2.3 gpa, with a BS, and Masters. I had to take a lot of classes to get my cgpa to 3.09.. my husband seen my path, it’s been a struggle but I’ve stayed as positive as I can. I made sure that I stayed consistent with volunteering and getting full time hours for over 3-4 years now. I can’t keep saying no to me, in order to make everyone else happy. I just don’t understand why I can’t seem to get him to understand that at some point of my life I would love to complete the one and only goal that I’ve been fighting for. I swear I’m not a bad wife or mom. I’m very predictable with everything I do: work, school, kids, husband, home, repeat.. no social life, just fighting that good ole fight to get in PA school.. sorry for the rant!!! Sent from my iPhone using TapatalkTime for some counseling help?Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbgardner Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 Time for some counseling help?Sent from my iPad using TapatalkMaybe!!!Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiremedicMike Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 16 hours ago, tbgardner said: I want to stay with him, I’ve been with him since I was 20... I’m knocking on 40.. ..At this point, I almost feel that he doesn’t believe in my dream, as if I’m asking to get a career working at Walmart( not to offend anyone working there). It’s like all my hard work, it’s for nothing. I started this process with under a 2.3 gpa, with a BS, and Masters. I had to take a lot of classes to get my cgpa to 3.09.. my husband seen my path, it’s been a struggle but I’ve stayed as positive as I can. I made sure that I stayed consistent with volunteering and getting full time hours for over 3-4 years now. I can’t keep saying no to me, in order to make everyone else happy. I just don’t understand why I can’t seem to get him to understand that at some point of my life I would love to complete the one and only goal that I’ve been fighting for. I swear I’m not a bad wife or mom. I’m very predictable with everything I do: work, school, kids, husband, home, repeat.. no social life, just fighting that good ole fight to get in PA school.. sorry for the rant!!! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Just to play devils advocate, but is it possible that he does support your dream, but now that it's becoming a reality, he's getting scared? Have you really sat down and talked to him about his feelings about uprooting everything and starting over? New friends, new church?, new activities, new everything. As a side note, is there a reason you can't reapply to your local program? Turning them down once makes you DOA there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbgardner Posted July 15, 2019 Author Share Posted July 15, 2019 He supports me but I think he supports the idea or maybe the action of trying to become a better applicant than the actual getting in part... hmmm idk..Yes, I’ve tried every possible way to talk to him. I understand that it’s some uncertainty there and that can make anyone feel unsafe.. Maybe I’m being Uber stubborn about this, I feel that I’ve moved to each location with uncertainty and I took it as a champ. What’s two years one time in our life? There was never a complaint even if I didn’t want to be in that particular place... I’ve made the best of things. The mission has been the most important aspect of our lives and with the highest support- I accepted that. Now, if he would tell me that for once he has some fear I would understand that and I would be able to relate. Then I would say , Let’s look at the pros and cons of the situation and move from there but if he can only think of the negatives then I think that it’s doom from the beginning. I’ve applied local,I will continue to apply-i would love to not uproot everyone..I also would not mind going alone.. I truly think it would be best but he is against it.. Sometimes I feel that he doesn’t understand that I can’t just apply to Two schools and think I’m going to get in. Yes-I’ve told him about the average applicant applies to several schools to up their chances to get in. My husband knows the process, he was in charge of recruiting for PA’s, Doctors, Dentist, etc.... he is very well informed, I just think it’s a little uncomfortable to do this for me. I’ll let it rest a little, but I am applying to several schools and I’ll just pray that a local program will give me a chance.. I thought the same way last cycle and I got accepted 1600 miles away from home... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FiremedicMike Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 I actually didn't process the fact that you've been regularly moving throughout your marriage.. I know that's somewhat common in military families. In that case, I'd say yes he should probably be more supportive, with the caveat that we're only hearing your side.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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