2nd Application Cycle Need Personal Statement Review!

[koreanbbq]

Hey guys, I'm applying for my second cycle this year and was wondering if you can take a look at my personal statement to critique it. Definitely need some output as I feel my previous statement for the first cycle was weak. Appreciate it lots. Thank you! 

 

                   As a co-facilitator for a local support group for mental health, I worked with the main facilitator to provide a safe space for individuals struggling with anxiety and depression to talk about their feelings. As a participant and co-facilitator, I was able to relate to the struggles of others and extend my subjective experiences to help others while guiding group dynamics and allocating time for each individual to share. It was truly humbling and gratifying to see participants heal emotionally from pain and grow as individuals. Through this experience, I grew in my ability to understand and alleviate emotional difficulties and communicate compassionately. Carrying this experience into my job as a MA, I came to recognize my talent and desire to treat patients both on a physical and emotional level in the health field.

                    Working for Dr. --- at his Urology practice was a challenging and insightful experience that tested my grit and dedication to work in the health field. As a MA, I was responsible for performing both clinical and clerical tasks efficiently without sacrificing quality in patient care. Although I initially struggled to keep pace during busy times and faced self-doubt, I overcame these struggles by learning from Dr. ---'s constructive criticism to become assertive during communication and meticulous during procedures. With gradual improvement, I learned to apply what I learned as a group facilitator. Just as I had allocated time to the participants of the group while focusing on individuals who were struggling deeply, I facilitated patient flow efficiently by honing in on important information during patient interviews and prioritizing critical patients.

                   As a MA, I encouraged preventative measures to patients with extensive smoking and alcohol history or other unhealthy lifestyles. But after seeing even healthy patients being diagnosed with prostate cancer, I realized that preventative measures had limits and that medicine and treatment were the only potential solutions. As I observed Dr. --- disclose a diagnosis for prostate cancer to a patient and explain future plans for treatment, I saw that health care providers have great responsibility to make decisions and take care of patients during their most vulnerable times. The necessity of medicine and the health care provider’s sense of duty to treat patients during critical moments fueled my passion to study and practice medicine at a higher level.

                  I also learned that the comfort of peace of mind for the patient is just as important as the treatment itself. This is especially critical for patients who are often anxious when seeing a urologist because of the invasive procedures and examinations. As I observed Dr. --- explain thoroughly the process of cystoscopy and the possible level of discomfort to a patient beforehand, I learned that honest communication builds trust between the provider and the patient and also breaks down uncertainty and anxiety. Thus, I always took the time to explain procedures to patients which ultimately made them feel better. And during times when patients became too unstable or nervous during procedures, Dr. --- maintained composure and acted accordingly. Standing beside the patients during these procedures, I assisted Dr. --- while providing emotional support to the patients and eventually completed procedures with minimal complications. It was during these moments when I appreciated collaborative effort in the health field and desired to go beyond my scope of practice to help patients on a physical and emotional level.

               Thus, after a period of self-reflection and observation in a hospital and clinic, I decided to become a PA. Working as a scribe in the ED of LIJMC, I saw that PAs were both critical thinkers and compassionate providers capable of shifting leadership and supporting roles. I saw that they worked independently but also consulted the physician to confirm their course of treatment. I was amazed by how the collaboration between the physician and PA resulted in a comprehensive treatment plan for the patient and provided an extra layer of assurance for the wellbeing of the patient. The teamwork I saw between doctors, PAs, nurses, and staff members was similar to the cooperative environment at Dr. ---‘s practice. Thus, I saw that my team-oriented personality and versatility made me a great fit for the role of a PA.

               While shadowing PA --- at an outpatient clinic specializing in Family Medicine, I saw firsthand the role of a PA in treating patients from an underserved Hispanic community where people face socioeconomic barriers to health care. To address these issues, --- not only treated but also educated her patients on well-balanced diets, risks of alcohol/tobacco abuse, complications/symptoms of diseases, and much more. Her confidence in her skills, depth of medical knowledge, and compassion for her patients inspired me to be a PA willing to go above and beyond to help patients especially in underserved areas.

               Since last cycle, I have completed and scored an A for a genetics course, continued shadowing PA ----, and plan on taking additional science courses as a full-time student for this fall. I believe that by becoming a PA, I can fulfill my passion to educate patients, break down healthcare barriers, and treat patients on both mental and physical levels.

 

 

personal statement review.docx

Edited July 10, 2019 by koreanbbq
adding description

[j138l642]

Is this a whole new PS than the PS from the previous cycle? 

I felt the intro was bland, especially because it lists your work experience. 

There's no mention of PA in the first four paragraphs, only about the doctor. 

You tell and list lots of things that doesn't really show much about you as a person.

The conclusion is too brief and generalized. 

To be honest, I lost my attention to details as I read through it. 

Others may have a different opinion though!

 

[nprice8]

I agree. The first thing I noticed while reading through was the absence of any mention of the PA profession until the 5th paragraph. Also I'm not sure if having one sentence (in your conclusion), is where or how you'd want to address what you did to improve from last cycle to this cycle.

Have you thought about using an editing service? I know some of the big PA websites offer paid editing services, but there are also several past-accepted PA students on this forum who offer affordable editing services that are of great value. I know applying to PA school already costs an arm and a leg, but my opinion is that an extra hundred dollars for a skilled editor is well worth the price if it means you have a better chance of getting accepted, and not having to do it all over again.

Good luck!