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Konner

Second time Applicant; all advice welcome for my PS!

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Hey everyone, 

I am a second time applicant and did a total rewrite from last year.  This is a rough draft but would still love any and all feedback you  guys have.

Thank you for reading and the help!

 

Edited by Konner

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You don’t mention why you want to be a PA. Also, in your first 2 sentences you say ‘new’ 3x, so I’d change up the wording a bit there. 

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As a reader, your narrative seems superficial in that it doesn't go into depth of who you are and why the PA profession is for you. Your third paragraph can easily be descriptive of a nurse practitioner, or really any clinician that wants their patient to live a healthier life. You can shorten the paragraphs about Robert and even make it into one paragraph to give you more writing space. There's grammatical errors in your paragraph about Olivia and the paragraph can be more concise. As for your conclusion, I would stray away from making a negative comparison between EMS and MA.

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