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surflife9010

Personal Statement Review

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Hey everyone,

 

This is my second time applying. I choose to rewrite my personal statement to better explain some of my short comings and to emphasize what I have made improvements on since my last application. This is still a rough draft, so be easy on the grammar. I am more focused on the content and the image it portrays to the reader.

 

Thank you 

Document 3.pdf

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So your essay needs to answer the prompt at hand, and answer 1) why do you want to be a pa and 2) why would you be a good pa. Your essay doesn’t really do that. Yes you need to address what is different now in your application, but not make it sound like a list and a resume. You will be turning in your resume so they’ll see what has changed this cycle. Focus on what experiences have made you a better applicant 

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So, from years of reading blogs and watching videos on how to write the PA personal narrative, I will give you my opinion based upon what I have learned. in my honest opinion I think your essay could use a lot of editing.  For starters, the first two paragraphs waste a lot of words with redundant sentences and ones that don't actually convey any relevant information. I would cut out everything you wrote about not being sure of what to do or of going to college, it's not important and doesn't give the reader a strong initial impression that you have the motivation and determination you spend the rest of the essay trying to convey. I would brainstorm a much better way to start your essay. Also, I am not sure what the acronym "AA" stands for and others may not as well. Finally, at the end of the intro paragraph, you list out what you're going to talk about in the body of the essay as if you're writing a research paper. This is a different style of writing and that is totally unnecessary. You have good experiences to talk about, and I would try to tie your personal stories to the attributes of a successful PA. You successfully called a code, which you could portray as having good judgment. Also, you need to have a theme, maybe some of the disadvantages and person issues in your family has made you more compassionate, you could try weaving that theme into your essay. Hope my two cents help!

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