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Personal statement for upcoming cycle


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I am planning on applying for PA school in the upcoming cycle that opens at the end of the month. I have been having difficulties with content of my personal statement and can really use some advice. Please be as critical as necessary. I am looking for real reviews and am open to all advice.

 

Personal statement 1.docx

Edited by taylor21
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As someone who is not familiar with athletic trainer terminology and trends, it took me some time and Googling to figure out what you meant by 'physician extender'. I think that is a phrase more often attributed to PAs and NPs now and is falling out of favor with ATs: https://www.nata.org/blog/beth-sitzler/‘physician-extender’-will-no-longer-be-used-identify-ats.

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Hi Taylor! Just a few pointers:  A physician extender is not a "common" role. I would use few characters to simply explain your job role regarding patient care. Is it similar to an MA? Or do you simply enter data into the computer according to the patients chart? It seems unclear to the reader what your job role was.

Also, in the beginning of your statement, you mention that being an athletic trainer was your first choice. In the end, you say that you turned down that opportunity. It seems contradicting. Did you ultimately not want to pursue the athletic trainer profession and decided to become a PA instead? if so, clarify that.

One last thing, your essay seems to give a negative attitude. You mention that you didn't want to become a physician extender, that you didn't consider the patients in the waiting room, being complacent etc. These are all red flags to admissions committee. Your are just showcasing the negatives of your work and how you weren't interested in your job. Attention to detail is extremely important when taking care of patients. One mistake can cost someone their life. Therefore, when you mention that you thought you looked at all you needed but glanced at the scan and saw something alarming, gives the impression that you don't look through things thoroughly and consistently. 

I would encourage you to choose stories you want to include and get rid of fluff. Focus on the good. What made you want to be a PA? Expand on that. Was there a particular patient that pushed you into wanting to become more clinically involved? Give details. Not once during the essay you mention why PA. You talk about the nice PA you worked with but why not become a physician? or a physical therapist? a nurse practitioner? If you want more feedback feel free to msg me! 

Hope that helps! 

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I did not get a lot about who you are as a person and as an applicant. It sounds like you started to learn/appreciate from your job when you actually did your job (not to be harsh). I would not highlight your complacency and overall attitude of your job as an athletic trainer/physician extender, although I'm not really sure what your job role was... It takes a big chunk of your personal statement when you should focus on experiences that were more positive and more telling of who you are. I would nix the second paragraph and cut down on the third paragraph. Pick another patient example or PA interaction example that highlights some qualities like compassion, patient advocacy, etc to make your narrative more substantial. I really like your introduction and the last sentence of your conclusion as it seems more personal and relatable. As for the "meat" of your essay, be specific about why PA (and not any other health professions) and why you. Best of luck!

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