Personal Statement Critique

[Kiraso]

Hi all, 

I am planning to apply to PA school this coming cycle! It will be my second time applying and while I have worked to improve my chances, I definitely would like to strengthen my personal statement. If anyone would be willing to give me some pointers on how to better my personal statement, I would be more than happy to do the same. 

I graduated with a B.S. in Human Biology, minoring in Psychology. 

GPA: 3.6

HCE: Medical Assistant - Gastroenterology practice, Resident Assistant - Assisted Living for Dementia residents, Brigade member - Global Brigades

 

Personal Statement.docx

[Patricia5827]

Right at the end of your first paragraph, I come across a question which isn’t answered in your essay. Why specifically a PA? You don’t mention a specific pa you shadowed that made you want to do pa. You have to state why the pa profession specifically caught your eye, because technically all health care professions can help the underprivileged: nurses, doctors, social workers. And I’ve heard a lot of people get asked that question in interviews . Message me and we can send eachother our edits!

[hmtpnw]

I think you’re close. I like your writing style and your tone. You speak about your experiences with a theme, and I think your intro is strong. 

I agree with the commenter above. You begin to answer the “Why PA” question in your conclusion, but not throughout your essay. I’m unsure why you’re choosing the PA profession as mostly you’re speaking about medicine as a whole.

Reading through I’m also very slightly getting the feeling that you’re just expanding on your resume in the body paragraphs.