Disrespect

[Kelly1218]

Hello! Wondering how you all deal with disrespect in the workplace. I work with multiple physicians, one of which has been around for a long time and thinks it is perfectly okay to be rude and disrespectful to staff.  Much of the time, he treats me well and compliments my efforts, however if he is having a “bad day”, I feel unable to even ask him a question about one of his patients because he blows up at me (in front of other staff and patients). I’ve been told to go to hr, but was just curious about how you’ve handled it. Thank you! 

[sas5814]

Physical violence....

 

Ok not really. If simply reminding him that he shouldn't talk to people that way doesn't get the job done, and it probably won't, HR is the way to go. He is essentially bullying you and others when he does this. Let the powers that be handle it.

[Reality Check 2]

Disrespect is more rampant that it used to be.

For some reason surgeons have been given a wide berth and allowance for being jerks - Oh, he's a surgeon - he just acts that way...

Well, BS.

I have fought disrespect with well chosen words and actions that show my self respect, self worth and refusal to lower to the standard of the jerk in question.

Jerks are generally well known and not respected by many.  No grandstanding or outlandish responses will phase them and only likely get you fired.

The ortho doc I used to work with - had a Napoleon thing - he was really short - and prone to temper tantrums. He dressed me down in the surgery lounge one day between cases when I asked a pertinent question for that day. About 10 other surgeons, PAs, etc heard his little outburst.

I didn't break, didn't cry - looked at him and said (loudly enough to be heard) "it appears you are not having a good moment. I will let you think about the question and get back with you later". Then walked off.

Two different surgeons came to me later and told me they thought it was horrid that he acted/spoke that way to anyone much less the person who made him look like a rockstar.

I couldn't fix him - no one could. I wouldn't coddle him or walk on eggshells. I dealt with what I could and left the practice. His entire team quit in a 5 day period.

His response the day I quit - "Well, now what do I do?" It is still all about him 24/7.

One of the other surgeons went to him and told him that if HIS entire team had quit in one day - he would have a serious need for introspection and self evaluation to see why no one wants to work with him. The doc I worked with told him to F Off.

You can't fix some things. Tolerate what you must. Be above the rest. Move on when needed.

[Kelly1218]

2 hours ago, sas5814 said:

Physical violence....

 

Ok not really. If simply reminding him that he shouldn't talk to people that way doesn't get the job done, and it probably won't, HR is the way to go. He is essentially bullying you and others when he does this. Let the powers that be handle it.

Thank you very much. That is how I felt, but didn’t want to complain or seem “too sensitive”. My gut is telling me I don’t deserve this behavior. 

[Kelly1218]

1 hour ago, Reality Check 2 said:

Disrespect is more rampant that it used to be.

For some reason surgeons have been given a wide berth and allowance for being jerks - Oh, he's a surgeon - he just acts that way...

Well, BS.

I have fought disrespect with well chosen words and actions that show my self respect, self worth and refusal to lower to the standard of the jerk in question.

Jerks are generally well known and not respected by many.  No grandstanding or outlandish responses will phase them and only likely get you fired.

The ortho doc I used to work with - had a Napoleon thing - he was really short - and prone to temper tantrums. He dressed me down in the surgery lounge one day between cases when I asked a pertinent question for that day. About 10 other surgeons, PAs, etc heard his little outburst.

I didn't break, didn't cry - looked at him and said (loudly enough to be heard) "it appears you are not having a good moment. I will let you think about the question and get back with you later". Then walked off.

Two different surgeons came to me later and told me they thought it was horrid that he acted/spoke that way to anyone much less the person who made him look like a rockstar.

I couldn't fix him - no one could. I wouldn't coddle him or walk on eggshells. I dealt with what I could and left the practice. His entire team quit in a 5 day period.

His response the day I quit - "Well, now what do I do?" It is still all about him 24/7.

One of the other surgeons went to him and told him that if HIS entire team had quit in one day - he would have a serious need for introspection and self evaluation to see why no one wants to work with him. The doc I worked with told him to F Off.

You can't fix some things. Tolerate what you must. Be above the rest. Move on when needed.

Thank you very much for the detailed response (I love this forum)   Your old surgeon sounds exactly like the physician I’m mentioning, “it’s all about him”. Some days are great, others are terrible and never due to anything I’ve done or didn’t do. I do all of his work and never complain. Tired of it. 

[PACJD]

5 hours ago, Reality Check 2 said:

I didn't break, didn't cry - looked at him and said (loudly enough to be heard) "it appears you are not having a good moment. I will let you think about the question and get back with you later". Then walked off

Haha, great response. Probably made him look like and feel like a real jerk off without being disrespectful. 

 

[gbrothers98]

Bullying needs confrontation at the first instance.

If not, behavior persists on the part of both parties. 

Immediate feedback to the bullying party at the time of is necessary.

If this is well known behavior, then a trip to HR with well documented dates, times, witnesses and recall of the action should occur. 

If there is no action, then the canary is being ignored, time to surface.

Good luck.

George

[Kelly1218]

Thank you for your feedback! I actually did just that today (HR). Uncomfortable but had to be done! 

[Zayv1]

On 8/15/2018 at 3:10 PM, Reality Check 2 said:

Disrespect is more rampant that it used to be.

For some reason surgeons have been given a wide berth and allowance for being jerks - Oh, he's a surgeon - he just acts that way...

Well, BS.

I have fought disrespect with well chosen words and actions that show my self respect, self worth and refusal to lower to the standard of the jerk in question.

Jerks are generally well known and not respected by many.  No grandstanding or outlandish responses will phase them and only likely get you fired.

The ortho doc I used to work with - had a Napoleon thing - he was really short - and prone to temper tantrums. He dressed me down in the surgery lounge one day between cases when I asked a pertinent question for that day. About 10 other surgeons, PAs, etc heard his little outburst.

I didn't break, didn't cry - looked at him and said (loudly enough to be heard) "it appears you are not having a good moment. I will let you think about the question and get back with you later". Then walked off.

Really like this post. I'm still in undergrad but worked a job subservient to people with many times my salary (and knowledge), so not dissimilar to medicine. The superior earners have a heap of implicit power and precedence when the two parties clash... and a doctor/higher earner may even attack with a goal to break you mentally. I discovered first hand that 100% disregarding those ego-driven, implied power - and replying with a tone that's critical of their lack of professionalism - is most effective. 

So instead of criticizing them on the subject matter, which is likely to garner resistance, you criticize them on how they are conducting themselves in general. If they are worth a damn, they'll realize this. Sounds like the doc in your case was not.

[CAAdmission]

A well timed, "Excuse me, who do you think you are?" can often have a good effect, especially if others are around.