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papplicant4190

PA Essay - review

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Hello , firstly I am thankful to whoever came up with this blog /forum ; so so helpful to pre pa applicants. Can I please get someone to review my essay? Would love some feedback. 

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Edited by papplicant4190
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It’s interesting but hard to read. Break up that first paragraph and also lead with something that gives us a hint as to where the essay is going.


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Your essay needs a lot of work. Be careful with your grammar. Sometimes you use a comma when a period should be used. Additionally, when listing verbs you must use the same tense. Avoid preamble and focus on the message you are trying to get across. Good luck!

 

Edited by panglossian

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Thanks to both of you, I have updated my essay. Edited the original post  ! Those are are great feedback , definitely getting rod of the preamble , fixing all my grammar and expanding on the things you mentioned panglossian. 
Again thanks so much for pointing out these glaring mistakes ? really really appreciate it, 

Edited by papplicant4190

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