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Okay guys, this is my Personal statement. Please let me know what you think! 

Thank you in advance! 

 

The most terrifying words a person can hear from a child are words of self- harm. “I want to kill myself” are words you don’t hear from children very often, but when you do, the words haunt you. They can reach to the innermost part of your heart and soul. So, when an eight-year-old boy looks you in the eyes and says it, what does one do? The first reaction is to hug them and tell them everything will be okay. Protecting that child from the world, and its deeply dark realities would be anyone’s first reaction. However, as a medical assistant, your options are severely limited. I made sure to do my best when faced with this exact situation. I hugged him, looked him in the eyes as his mother watched, and told him he is important and deserves to live a life full of success and happiness.  

As a medical assistant, I contributed an important, but indirect role in providing care. The extent of my patient contact was limited, but I was able to gain many different and rewarding skills. If I were to choose just one, it would be the empathy that grew inside of me toward those who were ill. Our practice is small, but very busy. I would often find myself performing a beautiful synchronicity of answering phone calls and patient care. Working an average thirty to forty hours a week. At times, I found myself having a challenging time balancing my home and academic life. A typical night for me was to come home at 10 pm and help my parents with my siblings. One sibling required more attention due to having a disability. For a time before graduation, I was the sole caretaker to three of my siblings, due to a family member falling terminally ill. This left me with the care of three young children, leading to a decrease in studying, academic focus, and an unsatisfactory GPA. Though my confidence wavered when my grades dipped, I re-evaluated my study habits and work-life balance and was able to better manage time with sick family and still graduate a semester early. Since graduating I have been able to reflect upon my academic past, and receive a Master’s degree in Pharmacology and Toxicology in two semesters with a 3.5 GPA. I can say without a doubt, that I have learned from my mistakes in time management. I am excited to prove to myself that my capabilities go beyond being an excellent student as I grow into becoming an exemplary PA.

As an MA, I gained insight into the patient care aspect of practicing medicine. I found myself imagining what it must be like to be on the other side of the patient-MA relationship. Curious, I decided to explore more on the subject and quickly found a physician to shadow. When the day came, I was extremely nervous. I was afraid of sounding unintelligent or misinformed. However, once I stepped into the operating room, all those doubts fluttered away, and I realized that I was where I needed to be. The doctor introduced me to his staff, including nurses and medical technicians. However, a man was introduced to me that caught my attention. He was a Physician Assistant. At the time, I was unaware of what a PA did or what the profession entailed. Throughout the triple bypass, I witnessed a man’s life being saved, and the individual who did it was a Physician Assistant. As I stood over the patient’s head, I could see the PA work through fascia and vasculature with as much confidence as any physician. However, what set him apart from them was not only the confidence he had in himself, but also the passion he had to help this patient live a longer and healthier life. I was hooked. When the experience was over I understood that there was much more to medicine than the usual doctors, nurses and pharmacists. I remembered the desire to do more for the injured boy. I knew that as a PA I could make a greater difference in the lives of my patients.

I immediately began to submerge myself in researching what duties were included in the daily routine of a Physician Assistant. Upon further exploring, I discovered the fluidity of the field. I appreciated how wonderful it must be to spend a good amount of time directly with the patients and having the ability to experience and practice all different possibilities of treating patients. After spending time shadowing and working within the healthcare field, I determined that I needed to have a scope of practice that gave me more autonomy. I can do so much more than stand behind a counter and fill prescriptions. The empathy that I feel toward the injured and sick has increased my desire to do more for them. My passion to help and serve others has not been satiated; in fact it has increased since I first learned of the PA profession.

As Oscar Wilde once said, “To define is to limit.” Limiting the medical field to Nurses and Doctors does an injustice to patients. Which is why becoming a PA has been not just a goal for me, but a journey to my purpose in life.

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Some thoughts: 

I think everyone has different feeling about the dramatic opening with a patient story. For me, it’s not my favorite. This one is particular really doesn’t work. I think it starts things off on a pretty dark note. Obviously this kind of thing happens in the real world, but it’s not something I would bring into an essay. 

I would change the way you speak about your medical assistant position. From paragraph one you talk about how severely limited your scope is. You of course don’t want to exaggerate, but I would recommend talking about the positive aspects of your position.  

There are some general issues with mechanics and grammar here that make for some awkward sentences. For example, “performing a beautiful synchronicity of answering phone calls and patient care.” For one, beautiful synchronicity is the purplest of purple prose. It’s waaaay too much. No one wants to answer phones. It sucks. Two, you don’t really “perform” answering phones or patient care. Take away the words you plugged through a thesaraus and really work on flow. 

Don’t list your resume here. Do not waste characters explaining how many hours you worked or telling them you answered phones. All of this is in CASPA. 

The flow isn’t there overall. You jump from talking about your work as an MA to your issues with academics and suddenly back to MA again without any clear transitions. There is no semblence of a timeline or there. You randomly throw in something about “standing behind the counter and filling prescriptions” without reference to this position you obviously worked. This is an issue throughout and your essay will need some restructuring to address this. 

For me, this feels like a first or second draft. It needs some work, at least a few more drafts. Take it to the writing center at your college to work on mechanics and grammar. Really evaluate if each sentence is strong and makes sense. That’s going to be crucial. Reorganize things so that the essay flow. Work on creating transitions between paragraphs and making sure the ideas in the paragraphs are connected.

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