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Rip my PS a new one

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For me, I want to read about exactly what pulled you into healthcare and wanting to be a PA. Where you came from that put you into the position of wanting to apply for PA school and wanting to be a PA. Yes, add those little stories, but there needs to be a primary reason as to what led you here. Your essay doesn’t grab me from the beginning. You make it seem as though you would rather be doing other things than working in healthcare. Becoming a PA needs to be your dream and aspiration, not doing all these other things and then snapping back to reality.
NEVER EVER EVER talk about money in your PS. That, plus the whole first paragraph, is just a huge red flag to me that it’s not your dream or passion to be a PA.
One sentence says that you were surprised that the PA “put up” with a patient. That’s derogatory to not only the PA, but also the patient. That is not the term I would use.
Also the statement where you say “payoffs are well worth it” is not the phrase I would use either. You also say, “you want to leave the earth better”... both of these statements aren’t what admissions committee want to hear. It’s what you can provide to the profession, not what you can get out of the profession that they want to hear about. This essay comes off as though you are trying to boost your ego and make yourself feel better rather than actually help and add to the profession and healthcare.

That’s just what I got out of skimming it. I would throw this whole PS statement away and start over. Be more humble and stop thinking about what you can get out of this to make yourself feel better rather than how you can give back.


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Thanks for the input, I wrote another PS that is very different than this one. I wrote this one pretty quickly and was curious about what others thought about a more honest PS.

Quote

You make it seem as though you would rather be doing other things than working in healthcare

And yes, I am sure most people would not work if they did not have to. So you are correct in saying there are other things I would rather do than work in healthcare like I said, travelling, etc. However, if I have to work, being in healthcare is what I am most drawn to.

 

If i was an ADCOM I would be sick of hearing about how everyone and their mother has a passion for helping people and would welcome some originality. 

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The interview shows your originality, not a 500 word essay. So I would show it there and not when you’re just a piece of paper and grades. These PSs decide weather or not they want to invite you for an interview. I asked my current professor (I was interviewed by him) what he thought in regards to the PS and he said they basically just want to see what brought you to the place you are in in your life. No one wants to hear a sob story, but they don’t want to hear about all the other things your rather be doing and you’re just in it for the money. Adcoms wanna hear why you are drawn into healthcare and why you have a passion for it.


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P1: why dont you want to be a doctor or a nurse?  How does your passion for outdoor activities translate to your passion for patient care?  Right now seems like you'd rather be outside (most of us would).

P2: after the sentence "For example..." the grammar and punctuation sort of breaks down.  I understand where you are trying to go but you may want to spend some time crafting this story to make it more coherent and to emphasize the selfless, self-sacrificing nature of this provider.  She would rather humble herself and take extra time with a difficult pt than throw her hands up and refer the pt somewhere else.

P3:  You need to proof-read this essay some more.  There is a lot of redundancy and typos especially in this paragraph. "...and where I want to be in a few years and has pushed me out of my comfort zone"I Like where you are going with this but the idea seems incomplete?

P4:  I dont personally like the word, "payoff"  makes it sound like you want this for the money (which I know you don't).  Lastly your education and motivation for being a PA is what will carry you through the program...not your experience.  

Overall, not bad.  focus your thoughts and themes in this essay, refine it, and get more feedback ?

Edited by SephONE

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