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Just to lighten things up...what is the most bizarre complaint anyone has ever given you that you had to struggle not to laugh out loud. Please... don't wander into "it could be this serious thing". Just have a little fun.

I thought of this last week when a family of 4 adults wanted a medicine to make an 11 year old boy's feet stop stinking....... This was 4 portly adults all crammed into the exam room with this kid whose feet looked fine but were stuck in a pair of smelly sneaks with no socks.\

However that is a distant second place to the woman whose complaint was...her belly button smells funny a few days before her period.

People never cease to amuse me.

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Elderly gentleman, early 90s, who always wears a blazer to his medical visits. I asked him how things were going for him. His response: "Oh not bad. I don't buy the green bananas anymore, though because those damn things might outlive me." Definitely laughed out loud.

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These are funny!  I had a patient come in and state that he had worms coming out of his skin (he didn't. he tried to show me one and nothing was there).  Then came in for a followup and told me that he went to a naturopathic provider and he had a crystal waved over his body and because it went to the left, he was diagnosed with a parasite and was given herbs to get rid of it.  I could not contain my laughter at all lol. 

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had a 18 year old come in to free clinic on rotations because he had a piece of dry ramen noodle stuck under his nail lol.

 

Had another guy 19 YO male, same clinic, come in because he "couldn't last as long" as he used to. "i've tried smoking weed and drinking to last longer but its not working" i definitely lol'd

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This one isn't so funny as interesting from a psych standpoint. Psychotic patient, who had an obsession with her past "sexual sins" came in with a severe vaginitis after douching with undiluted lysol cleanser. (the bar of soap above reminded me of this one).

 

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*OUCH*

The worm story reminded me of one of our patients who had some psych issues who came in with her arms all scratched up stating she had worms crawling out of her skin. The part that made me almost laugh was when the described them as white with little black eyes and then there was a dramatic pause and she leaned in pointing to her eyes and then mine with 2 fingers over and over again said "AND THEY LOOK YOU RIGHT IN THE EYES!"

I know she had psych problems but her delivery was priceless.

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12 hours ago, BayPAC said:

ER 11:45 pm Saturday night 38 year old male... "I hit my head on the cabinet door when I was emptying the dishwasher... I'm worried because the same thing happened last week." 

Did you advise him to wash dishes by hand in the future? Or maybe perform a cabinet-doorectomy?

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Pt went to take a dumpage outside while camping at night.  Squatting down he lost his balance and fell/sat right on a cactus.  Spent all aftertoon pulling cactus burrs from his butt.   He was hence known as "Cactus butt",  a name he gave himself and used when he would call for follow-up appointments....

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On the nickname theme... when I was in clinicals at Ft Knox Ky. I was on urology and they sent us a basic trainee who had hurt himself. It seems he woke for PT and they were being hustled to formation and his erection wouldn't go away so her forcefully folded it in half and went and did PT. When they were done with PT he realized he was hurt and went to the ER and then to us. His nickname? PBD... Private Broke Dick.

Personally I hope he had a long career in the Rangers or SEALs or something because that was a feat of will most people couldn't even imagine.

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2 hours ago, sas5814 said:

On the nickname theme... when I was in clinicals at Ft Knox Ky. I was on urology and they sent us a basic trainee who had hurt himself. It seems he woke for PT and they were being hustled to formation and his erection wouldn't go away so her forcefully folded it in half and went and did PT. When they were done with PT he realized he was hurt and went to the ER and then to us. His nickname? PBD... Private Broke Dick.

Personally I hope he had a long career in the Rangers or SEALs or something because that was a feat of will most people couldn't even imagine.

I cannot read this without cringing.

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1983, off campus UTMB Gyn clinic.  Med student had a pt. w/ c/o of foul odor from vagina.  Did pelvic and couldn’t identify finding.  Had attending look which resulted in removal of bird skeleton.  When confronted with finding she allegedly commented that her boyfriend had a habit of placing things in her.  Couldn’t make this stuff up.  35 years later and haven’t forgotten this.  Just like the med student on Plastics rotation who began dating a gender reassignment pt. that was assigned to his team.  He was on rotation, but a separate team, when I was.

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Ok, not a patient complaint but along the lines of favorite names.

I trained at Level One County Hospital in Texas, 1000 bed hospital.  We had four ERs - Surg/Trauma, Medicine, Psych and Gyn. Everything was called a Pit - we were actually half underground. Resident in charge called Pit Boss.

Thus — 

Trauma Pit

Flea Pit

Psych Pit

wait for it...

Tuna Pit

NO, the GYN residents did not appreciate the name, but, well, you gotta love it.

Now that I do predominantly Internal Medicine, 26 yrs in - I guess I have earned the esteemed title of Flea and should be proud of it..... somewhat better than being a Bonehead in Ortho - maybe

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We all know surgeons typically name their patients based on chief complaints - so all my ischiorectal/perianal abscess referrals are named "Butt Pus" when he comes looking for patient X...

Had a patient when I was on trauma service that came in with their SECOND closed book pelvic fracture in about 2 years - first was from getting squished between a city bus and a van on their bicycle...so they did exactly the same thing again.  They were a heroin addict - I suspect this was a way of getting a fix for free for awhile, something we unfortunately saw a lot of at that facility.  I can think of much better ways of hurting myself though...

SK

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9 hours ago, Reality Check 2 said:

Ok, not a patient complaint but along the lines of favorite names.

I trained at Level One County Hospital in Texas, 1000 bed hospital.  We had four ERs - Surg/Trauma, Medicine, Psych and Gyn. Everything was called a Pit - we were actually half underground. Resident in charge called Pit Boss.

Thus — 

Trauma Pit

Flea Pit

Psych Pit

wait for it...

Tuna Pit

NO, the GYN residents did not appreciate the name, but, well, you gotta love it.

Now that I do predominantly Internal Medicine, 26 yrs in - I guess I have earned the esteemed title of Flea and should be proud of it..... somewhat better than being a Bonehead in Ortho - maybe

Welcome to Parkland! LOL

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55 minutes ago, Cideous said:

Welcome to Parkland! LOL

And to add to the enjoyment, the new Parkland looks like someone stacked some Legos on one another at angles.  On EMS runs back in the late 70's/80's I used to love hanging around the Biotel "closet" (paramedic/physician radio communication room which looked like it was closet size) to hear area EMS calls coming in.  This was back in the day of Medicine A/B (if you were "B" with a lesser medical complaint you'd wait for hours/or a day) pods to the right and Surgery off to the left from the main dock hallway at the old Parkland.

Edited by GetMeOuttaThisMess
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Yep, Parkland bred and trained.

Had my tonsils taken out there when I was three.

Actually born at Baylor.

I love Parkland and if anything seriously bad happened to me in Dallas - take me there.

Moved away and have nothing even similar where I am. I miss the buildings that connect on various floors and the creepy subterranean tunnels and all the whackiness that is Parkland.

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