sas5814 Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Just to lighten things up...what is the most bizarre complaint anyone has ever given you that you had to struggle not to laugh out loud. Please... don't wander into "it could be this serious thing". Just have a little fun. I thought of this last week when a family of 4 adults wanted a medicine to make an 11 year old boy's feet stop stinking....... This was 4 portly adults all crammed into the exam room with this kid whose feet looked fine but were stuck in a pair of smelly sneaks with no socks.\ However that is a distant second place to the woman whose complaint was...her belly button smells funny a few days before her period. People never cease to amuse me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thinkertdm Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 "bump on head" which turned out to be his occipital protuberance...or "bump on chest" which was xiphoid process. Not the wierdest but came to mind fastest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk732 Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 "Rash on Boys" was a memorable one, though the 19 yo M that appeared in the military college clinic requesting his annual Pap is pretty high up on mine. SK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eighthnote24 Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Guy presented to the ER after a raccoon bite to the lip. Was bitten because he had attempted to give the raccoon mouth to mouth and CPR because he believed it to be dying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eighthnote24 Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Woman presented to the ER stating she shoved an entire bar of soap in her vagina after a fight with her boyfriend. I was too scared to ask what the fight was about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beattie228 Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 Elderly gentleman, early 90s, who always wears a blazer to his medical visits. I asked him how things were going for him. His response: "Oh not bad. I don't buy the green bananas anymore, though because those damn things might outlive me." Definitely laughed out loud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reality Check 2 Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 There are so many. The first one that popped up was the chronic pain med user who comes in telling me that her knee hurts and she needs a different pain med. I asked why she thought that - her response - well the pain med is for my back, it won't know to help my knee...... Okie dokie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megscc Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 These are funny! I had a patient come in and state that he had worms coming out of his skin (he didn't. he tried to show me one and nothing was there). Then came in for a followup and told me that he went to a naturopathic provider and he had a crystal waved over his body and because it went to the left, he was diagnosed with a parasite and was given herbs to get rid of it. I could not contain my laughter at all lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA-SGuy Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 had a 18 year old come in to free clinic on rotations because he had a piece of dry ramen noodle stuck under his nail lol. Had another guy 19 YO male, same clinic, come in because he "couldn't last as long" as he used to. "i've tried smoking weed and drinking to last longer but its not working" i definitely lol'd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmj11 Posted May 15, 2018 Share Posted May 15, 2018 This one isn't so funny as interesting from a psych standpoint. Psychotic patient, who had an obsession with her past "sexual sins" came in with a severe vaginitis after douching with undiluted lysol cleanser. (the bar of soap above reminded me of this one). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sas5814 Posted May 15, 2018 Author Share Posted May 15, 2018 *OUCH* The worm story reminded me of one of our patients who had some psych issues who came in with her arms all scratched up stating she had worms crawling out of her skin. The part that made me almost laugh was when the described them as white with little black eyes and then there was a dramatic pause and she leaned in pointing to her eyes and then mine with 2 fingers over and over again said "AND THEY LOOK YOU RIGHT IN THE EYES!" I know she had psych problems but her delivery was priceless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BayPAC Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 ER 11:45 pm Saturday night 38 year old male... "I hit my head on the cabinet door when I was emptying the dishwasher... I'm worried because the same thing happened last week." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAAdmission Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 12 hours ago, BayPAC said: ER 11:45 pm Saturday night 38 year old male... "I hit my head on the cabinet door when I was emptying the dishwasher... I'm worried because the same thing happened last week." Did you advise him to wash dishes by hand in the future? Or maybe perform a cabinet-doorectomy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sas5814 Posted May 16, 2018 Author Share Posted May 16, 2018 Did you do the home violence questionaire? "Do you feel safe in your home? " "No." "What makes you afraid?" "Dirty dishes." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cideous Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 Pt went to take a dumpage outside while camping at night. Squatting down he lost his balance and fell/sat right on a cactus. Spent all aftertoon pulling cactus burrs from his butt. He was hence known as "Cactus butt", a name he gave himself and used when he would call for follow-up appointments.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sas5814 Posted May 16, 2018 Author Share Posted May 16, 2018 On the nickname theme... when I was in clinicals at Ft Knox Ky. I was on urology and they sent us a basic trainee who had hurt himself. It seems he woke for PT and they were being hustled to formation and his erection wouldn't go away so her forcefully folded it in half and went and did PT. When they were done with PT he realized he was hurt and went to the ER and then to us. His nickname? PBD... Private Broke Dick. Personally I hope he had a long career in the Rangers or SEALs or something because that was a feat of will most people couldn't even imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmiller3 Posted May 16, 2018 Share Posted May 16, 2018 2 hours ago, sas5814 said: On the nickname theme... when I was in clinicals at Ft Knox Ky. I was on urology and they sent us a basic trainee who had hurt himself. It seems he woke for PT and they were being hustled to formation and his erection wouldn't go away so her forcefully folded it in half and went and did PT. When they were done with PT he realized he was hurt and went to the ER and then to us. His nickname? PBD... Private Broke Dick. Personally I hope he had a long career in the Rangers or SEALs or something because that was a feat of will most people couldn't even imagine. I cannot read this without cringing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blahblahblah2 Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 I had 30yoM who came to the ED complaining of "Blurry Vision" that resolved when I found his glasses in his pocket. Don't do drugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GetMeOuttaThisMess Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 1983, off campus UTMB Gyn clinic. Med student had a pt. w/ c/o of foul odor from vagina. Did pelvic and couldn’t identify finding. Had attending look which resulted in removal of bird skeleton. When confronted with finding she allegedly commented that her boyfriend had a habit of placing things in her. Couldn’t make this stuff up. 35 years later and haven’t forgotten this. Just like the med student on Plastics rotation who began dating a gender reassignment pt. that was assigned to his team. He was on rotation, but a separate team, when I was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reality Check 2 Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 Ok, not a patient complaint but along the lines of favorite names. I trained at Level One County Hospital in Texas, 1000 bed hospital. We had four ERs - Surg/Trauma, Medicine, Psych and Gyn. Everything was called a Pit - we were actually half underground. Resident in charge called Pit Boss. Thus — Trauma Pit Flea Pit Psych Pit wait for it... Tuna Pit NO, the GYN residents did not appreciate the name, but, well, you gotta love it. Now that I do predominantly Internal Medicine, 26 yrs in - I guess I have earned the esteemed title of Flea and should be proud of it..... somewhat better than being a Bonehead in Ortho - maybe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sk732 Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 We all know surgeons typically name their patients based on chief complaints - so all my ischiorectal/perianal abscess referrals are named "Butt Pus" when he comes looking for patient X... Had a patient when I was on trauma service that came in with their SECOND closed book pelvic fracture in about 2 years - first was from getting squished between a city bus and a van on their bicycle...so they did exactly the same thing again. They were a heroin addict - I suspect this was a way of getting a fix for free for awhile, something we unfortunately saw a lot of at that facility. I can think of much better ways of hurting myself though... SK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cideous Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 9 hours ago, Reality Check 2 said: Ok, not a patient complaint but along the lines of favorite names. I trained at Level One County Hospital in Texas, 1000 bed hospital. We had four ERs - Surg/Trauma, Medicine, Psych and Gyn. Everything was called a Pit - we were actually half underground. Resident in charge called Pit Boss. Thus — Trauma Pit Flea Pit Psych Pit wait for it... Tuna Pit NO, the GYN residents did not appreciate the name, but, well, you gotta love it. Now that I do predominantly Internal Medicine, 26 yrs in - I guess I have earned the esteemed title of Flea and should be proud of it..... somewhat better than being a Bonehead in Ortho - maybe Welcome to Parkland! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GetMeOuttaThisMess Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 55 minutes ago, Cideous said: Welcome to Parkland! LOL And to add to the enjoyment, the new Parkland looks like someone stacked some Legos on one another at angles. On EMS runs back in the late 70's/80's I used to love hanging around the Biotel "closet" (paramedic/physician radio communication room which looked like it was closet size) to hear area EMS calls coming in. This was back in the day of Medicine A/B (if you were "B" with a lesser medical complaint you'd wait for hours/or a day) pods to the right and Surgery off to the left from the main dock hallway at the old Parkland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reality Check 2 Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 Yep, Parkland bred and trained. Had my tonsils taken out there when I was three. Actually born at Baylor. I love Parkland and if anything seriously bad happened to me in Dallas - take me there. Moved away and have nothing even similar where I am. I miss the buildings that connect on various floors and the creepy subterranean tunnels and all the whackiness that is Parkland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GetMeOuttaThisMess Posted May 17, 2018 Share Posted May 17, 2018 Now we just need Lego figures Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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