PS- Would really appreciate critiques

[californiahopefulpa]

I am finishing up my PS rough draft and was wondering if anyone could help me out. I would greatly appreciate it!

My heart was racing while pain trickled down my right leg; trying to inhale as much air as I could while carrying my teammate on my back. I could hear my teammates say, “Come on! We’re almost done!”  I was competing in a Crossfit competition that raised money for breast cancer. Although the pain was excruciating, I had to finish the workout, as it raised money for women who were going through much more than my temporary pain. I finished the competition, but it was four days after that workout that I was finally able to walk without pain. While I was hardly able to walk during those four days, pain is something that is not foreign to me. From the time I was born as a premature identical twin I have been constantly surrounded by physicians, physician assistants, and nurses due to broken bones, fractured vertebrae, and various health issues. Unbeknownst to me, those doctor and hospital visits gave me insight into my life’s devotion; pursuing the challenging and rewarding sides of medicine. I knew that I wanted to be able to help others and have a special bond with patients who were going through things that I have previously gone through. As such, I could empathize and connect with them on a level that perhaps others would not necessarily have the privilege of.

During sophomore year of college I began volunteering and was later employed, as a Physical Therapist Aide where I was able to learn how to take a patient’s history and vitals, how different types of injuries are treated, and how to write in medical terminology. It was a terrific beginning to my medical career exploration as I was exposed to so many different scenarios e.g. osteosarcomas, neurological diseases, disabled patients. The most valuable experience I had there though was connecting with a middle-aged woman who came to the clinic for a bilateral lumbar spine injury. As I was putting the IFC electrodes on her lower back, I could not help but notice all of her scars. She proceeded to bravely disclose to me about her past abuse and I willingly told her about my past experience during my freshman year of college. She sobbed and told me that we could be each other’s support system. It was then that I felt my journey of helping others genuinely started.

While working as a Physical Therapist Aide, my interest for medicine grew exponentially. I looked at other places to fill my yearn for knowledge and started volunteering at Harbor UCLA Medical Center for a Level 1 trauma physician as a Research Associate concurrently while being a Clinical Care Extender at St. Mary Medical Center. At both hospitals I was able to have one-on-one patient interactions while also observing traumas and how physicians dealt with various medical cases. At Harbor UCLA Medical Center I worked alongside residents and physicians and completed rounds with them. When I was not rounding with the residents I worked on screening and soliciting consents from patients for various studies on which we were working. This allowed me to interact with patients from different demographics and backgrounds along with being able to have the responsibility of looking at medical records and learning about different diseases and how they are treated.

After graduating college, I was unsure what path would be right for me so I started shadowing a pediatric orthopedic physician assistant in hopes to gain more insight into the career. There I was able to experience the patient-physician assistant dynamic along with the advantages that come along with the profession such as the independence a physician assistant gets along with the opportunity to collaborate with the physicians they work alongside. Moreover, I was fascinated by the level of care and compassion I saw from the physician assistant I was shadowing. She cared about the patients enough to sit down with them, show their x-rays and explain what needs to be done in order for the patient to heal. The time allotted to teach patients about their healthcare is important to me and is something to be admired about the physician assistant profession. I also love how there is an endless opportunity to learn, which is something I am passionate about, as physician assistants are able to switch specialties if desired. Ultimately, I can confidently say that not only was shadowing a physician assistant one of the best decisions I have made, but it has solidified my decision that physician assistant school is for me.  

Over the years I have been able to gain insight into different medical careers, but the path I want to follow is becoming a physician assistant. The invaluable experiences I have had at my internships, job as a PT Aide, and shadowing have further confirmed for me that providing sufficient and nurturing healthcare to those in need is what I want to do in life, and becoming a physician assistant is the best way I know how to fulfill that dream. I believe that the knowledge I have acquired through research, the diligence of working on patients, and the communication skills I obtained through interacting with patients will give me the necessary tools to become a great physician assistant.

[Maximoff]

Hi! Just so you know I am also a pre-PA like you still working on my own PS.

I think you did a great job in conveying your reasons of why you want to be a PA. I think one important thing you are missing is why YOU would be a good fit as a PA. I think you can trim down your PS overall and it needs to be more focus. The first paragraph, I don't think it's really necessary to include the anecdote on the crossfit. Honestly, I think you can start your PS from this point " From the time I was born as a premature identical twin I have been constantly surrounded by physicians, physician assistants, and nurses due to broken bones, fractured vertebrae, and various health issues". I would only keep it if you somehow link your conclusion to your anecdote. I think you still need to find your 'voice' as cheesy as it sounds, because at some parts of your essay, it reads a bit like a restatement of your resume. Anyway, good luck with your application!

[californiahopefulpa]

Thank you so much @maxemoff! Others have given me the same advice as you, so I will definitely remove the crossfit anecdote and convey more of why I am a good candidate for PA school. Good luck!