personal statement review. need brutal honesty

[p_tud]

Valuable life lessons can be learned through a rotation of four pieces of Olympic gymnastics equipment. Starting with the vault, you run as fast as you can, spring onto a board, hit an obstacle, travel through the air, and land on your feet, oftentimes with a blind landing, which is a perfect metaphor to how many of us live our lives. Next is the uneven parallel bars, a routine involving swinging and releasing with no guarantee that you will catch the bar, and regardless of  how many times you practice or your level of experience, sometimes you miss the bar and land flat on your face; but you learn to pick yourself up, move on, and improve. This is followed with the balance beam. Because this is an apparatus that is four feet off the ground and four inches wide, you must constantly use a “balance check” to prevent yourself from falling. Similar to life, it is important to live in the moment and always balance yourself, one step at a time with the goal in sight. The rotation concludes with the floor exercise. Here, with only 90 seconds to complete, you are expected to perform as much as possible, impress the judges, and impact the audience. This mirrors the finite amount of time you have to perform responsibilities, enable others to understand your goals, and positively impact lives you touch.

These lessons have been continually learned since the age of three and have molded me into the woman that I am today. The many years of hard work and dedication enabled me to qualify for the 2008 Olympics. However, this opportunity was dissolved one fateful day when I was involved in a motor vehicle accident and left with two broken vertebrae. My passion that I had worked so dearly for shattered right before me. One of my first “balance checks” that was not atop a four inch balance beam manifested as reconstructive spinal surgery and subsequent rehabilitation.  

However, from tragedy came clarity.  My exposure to my compassionate healthcare team ignited a burning desire to guide others and help them overcome their own health obstacles. Even though I relied on a walker to perform basic tasks, the support and encouragement received from the healthcare team aided in my recovery and path to autonomy once again. Like clockwork, the Physician Assistants on the team never failed to check in on me and make sure I was healing properly. At this point I knew with absolute certainty that one day I would become a Physician Assistant and help others the way I was helped. I admired their ability to interact autonomously on such a personal level, yet still operate as part of a team. 

Subsequently, I was able to experience the joy of patient-provider interaction during a volunteer experience at a free medical clinic. During that time, I interpreted and translated for many patients, obtained vital signs, and educated indigent patients on varied wellness programs in the community. Nothing exceeds the joy and appreciation beaming from the patients’ faces after their appointment was complete.

Gymnastics was a part of my life that helped shape who I am, but it has also prepared me well for who I plan to become. As an athlete, I’ve been a member and leader of many teams working towards a greater goal that each of us individually would not have achieved otherwise. The value of teamwork is something I hold dear. It is something that has pushed me to be the best athlete and person I could be, and something that is essential to the success of a team. I have continued to improve my ability to efficiently and effectively work as part of a team by acquiring over 3,300 hours as a medical scribe. Not only did gymnastics teach me how to work as a member of a team, but also it taught me the importance of dependability, setting goals, and having a strong work ethic. Most importantly, it mentally prepared me to overcome obstacles and adversity. The true character of a person is tested not when they are on top, but when they are knocked down, and I have learned how to come back as a better, stronger person.

Influenced by my career as a gymnast, and the invaluable experiences I gained through my work as a scribe and volunteer, I believe the core values of what it means to be a Physician Assistant embody my stance as a future healthcare provider. It’s ultimately the flexibility, versatility, and affinity for patient care, as well as my personal experience, that has attracted me to this career. I feel that my personality, work ethic, and resilience will enable me to be a valuable member of a healthcare team.

 

[Anachronist]

A+

I think you could confidently submit it now, as is.

Only 2 minor suggestions.

1- Change your scribe hours to months or years or just don't quantify the time. Comes across to me as a little "look how many hours I have," when they know that already or can just look at that part of the application. But isn't "bad" if you don't feel like changing it.

2- I really liked the gymnastics analogies (especially the intro), but toward the end it felt like it was being overplayed a tad, maybe focus a touch more on medicine. i.e. take 10-20% of the gymnastics stuff and turn it into medical stuff.

But to reiterate, those are minor suggestions, your PS is very good (excellent perhaps) as it is written.

 

[p_tud]

17 minutes ago, Anachronist said:

A+

I think you could confidently submit it now, as is.

Only 2 minor suggestions.

1- Change your scribe hours to months or years or just don't quantify the time. Comes across to me as a little "look how many hours I have," when they know that already or can just look at that part of the application. But isn't "bad" if you don't feel like changing it.

2- I really liked the gymnastics analogies (especially the intro), but toward the end it felt like it was being overplayed a tad, maybe focus a touch more on medicine. i.e. take 10-20% of the gymnastics stuff and turn it into medical stuff.

But to reiterate, those are minor suggestions, your PS is very good (excellent perhaps) as it is written.

 

Thank you so much for your insight! I’ve been looking at this a million times and couldn’t pinpoint what I needed to revise, but now I have something to work with :)

[lctexas4]

I am applying for the first time this cycle, so my opinion might not carry as much weight, but personally I loved your essay. I was a college volleyball player and I went through 4 knee surgeries, so I can really relate to your story and how being an athlete shaped who you are and has taught you the necessary skills to be a quality member of a healthcare team. I agree that you could maybe focus a bit more about medicine towards the middle and end, but ultimately I think your message and who you are is conveyed really well. Best of luck to you!